I know I should sit in a calm place for a week to stop these symptoms :

a) severe dizziness
b) nausea
c) blurred vision
d) suicidal thoughts/depression
e) anxiety
f) dropping items
g) tripping over
h) tinitus

but, I have to do certain things and look after a wee one, who has more energy than the average child. The things I enjoy I am too tired to enjoy.

I know everyone here is suffering too in some way, I just am struggling with setback after setback. I had even started running and was considering the possibility of being able to play football again. Then it floods back like a monster pinning me down, reminding me I am not good enough. All the horrid symptoms that no one can see, no family or friend knows what is going on inside this head.

How do you cope with accepting your life has changed forever, knowing that you probably will never get back to the life you used to lead?

That is the million dollar question! I'm sorry to hear of your struggles and can relate as I've been through PCS before and am back again - it's tough, especially when you have a family to raise. I'm trying hard this time to not let the anxiety get the best of me. Finding ways to do that is very unique to each of us. For me, it's reducing stress as much as possible - letting go of the "shoulds" - and allowing myself the time and space to feel whatever I need to feel about my current state.


You aren't alone ~ sending healing hugs your way!

Nothing to do with not being 'good enough' - if you had broken your leg playing football you wouldn't be blaming the fact that you couldn't do things on not being 'good enough', it would just be because there are certain things you can't do with a broken leg. An injured brain is no different in that respect, it doesn't make you less valuable as a person, it just limits your options.

I would argue that it's way too early for you to be thinking that your life is 'probably' permanently changed to the extent that you seem to be thinking it is. At six months after my injury I was in a similar sorry state. Now I feel great. Recovery can take a while.

In terms of getting back to playing football, though, I would strongly argue against it. I ignored a number of football impacts which required increasingly less force to concuss me, and culminated in me losing a year of my life to PCS. It was an important part of my life, and giving it up was a great shame, but there's no way to play football without hitting your head; even if you duck headers, you will still have collisions. This is a contact sport, and sooner or later you'll be back to square one, or worse.

There are plenty of rewarding and fulfilling things to do other than football. I've gotten really into singing since I got better - the performance aspect gives me the adrenaline rush I used to get from a goal or tackle. There must be other stuff you are interested in and think you might be good at. Think of it as an opportunity - I've discovered I'm better at singing than I was at football.

There's a whole world of stuff to do which doesn't involve hitting your head

I, too, think it's too early to think you're damaged for life, though I am early on in the recovery process. A few weeks ago I started a thread on a rugby forum about concussions, and got quite a bit of hope. I met about 15-20 other players who quit from concussions, but almost everyone (except for one guy who kept playing without rest) had a full recovery after 6 months to a year. All exercising again and back to normal life. I'm sure there are other players who've suffered permanent damage, but it was nice to hear a positive story for a change.

As far as lifestyles change go, for now I'm just hoping that if I have to make any permanent changes in my life to cope with PCS, it will be eating healthier and managing my stress levels.

Hang in there. i understand. I feel better each month. My kids (9 and 11) still don't have their full mum back....but slowly. Huge life changing and horrible injury, isn't it? Being invisible makes it harder for others to understand how much we suffer.

We need to grieve lots of losses on so many levels. When I understood that, Ifelt a bit more able to cope with all the losses and feeling so awful each day.

Lots of good healing wishes to you.

Thank you to all of you for your support.

Klaus, funny you mention singing. I used to sing and put it on the back burner, have just been looking up lessons again this week. Am also stuck into a talent contest, arranging 10 kids to do a piece.

Hopefully life will be kind and if I listen to my body and give it the time it needs it should be ok.

Thanks for all the love.

Awesome! Yeah it's great. Successfully remembering all my lines, dealing with a pressure situation and singing well in audition to land a lead role in a show was the moment I felt like I had properly recovered. The show's on at the end of this month so it's all quite meaningful for me.

I did find that I couldn't really sing when I was quite unwell; when I tried to sing with proper breathing, technique etc it felt like I had a problem with blood pressure in my head, or getting enough oxygen up there, or some such mTBI-related weirdness.

That cleared up as I got better though - hopefully you won't have that problem at all