Angee, Mark is dead on. A neurpsychologist can help you both understand what the deficits are and how to mitigate them. As you already know it is going to take you both and from what you have said you are both trying. Maybe your efforts are such they do not fully encompass The TBI reality. I have been return to work for a few months and I can say it has been grueling. Each days is like being ground down to a nub with nothing left for when I get home.

Is your husband getting any counseling? It will most likely have to include all members of the family old enough to go as he will need to, as Mark said, learn to cope. To much physical or mental exertion can be devastating to a TBI survivor with everyone in the home feeling it.

Thank you for the quick responses. He does not have a neuropsychologist, however we recently started therapy with a psychologist. I have asked him to take me to a support group, but he doesn't want to.
As far as his job goes, I believe it was more of him trying to prove something to everyone. He runs a department and is very good at what he does. While he is at work he seems happy. But, when he walks through our door at night he is exhausted and moody. Sometimes the kids think they did something wrong and I can see the disappointment in their faces. It's like we're all waiting to see what kind of mood he is in.
He is a great person, fiancé, and father. I don't want you guys to only picture the bad. We have been together three years the kids do not remember life without him.
I can see where the debt would drive him crazy as he is very OCD about our finances. I do work two jobs, however I am trying to finish school too, so we have loans to pay. Before we came along he had his entire financial future planned to a T. So, that could also be weighing on him. My goal is to finish school and give him the opportunity to stay home or work a job part time job just for fun.
I will definitely check out the vitamin regimen info. I work in the holistic field so he is on some really good fish oil and he's tried various brain formulas. We also eat a lot of brain boosting food and we juice everyday. He does yoga and stretching with me occasionally and that seems to help tremendously!
Also, is there anything else that could happen in the future? Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't want me attending the support groups or meet his brain doctor bc there are things he doesn't want me to know. He has schizophrenia in his family (his dads brother) and his parents have some paranoia issues. Also, do I need to worry about him dying young? He wants to have kids of his own and I'm terrified. You mentioned something about his mental status deteriorating or improving due to certain triggers.
He's the best man that I know and want to educate myself, so I can help our relationship and family. But, sometimes I do tend to forget he has an injury and I get so upset with him.

Also, I have seen some outbursts but nothing violent. I will not get offended I realize I need help and am willing to put in the work. Thanks again for the advice!

Angee,

I bet he is coming home mentally exhausted. This is called sundowning in some situations. The persons brain become minimally functional as the sun goes down. If he is not taking any breaks for a nap or at least some eyes closed time, this makes this fatigue even worse. If he drinks coffee during the day, this adds to his fatigue.

Regarding a TBI Support Group. If he will not go, go by yourself. You will benefit from meeting other caregivers. A TBI or Stroke support group with a caregivers sub-group will be valuable. If he decides to go later, great. But, you need the support and knowledge you can get there.

I had my neuropsych assessment two weeks ago. I have seen the preliminary report. The np doc was dead on. While I knew i was struggling he was able to point out why. Apparently I have deficits in memory, attention, concentration and slowed processing speed. I also tested very high average in many other areas. The difference between the deficits and my preinjury abilities is a real frustration. By the time I get home I am toast. My patience is nonexistent.

I would not worry to much about going to therapy with him. He will need time to trust himself before he trusts you. I know it sounds silly but post injury takes time for the injured to adjust to their selves. If he is able to hear it maybe a talk is in order on the weekend after he has had time to get rested. Let him know how the kids are struggling to. Let the kids have an opportunity to let him know they understand he got hurt and they would like to help however they can. While it will not change the exhaustion or other symptoms just clearing the air can help. The kids get a chance to be heard and he gets to see how much he means to everyone.

I do not think we are going to make it. I have been checking out places to rent online. As much as I know it will hurt my children I feel it will hurt them way more later when they realize what's going on. In therapy we discussed his injury and he admits to feeling like he has something to prove to everyone. He does not believe therapy will help and admitted he has no goals w therapy. I do not feel anything makes him happy and we do not agree on anything. I am extremely worried about my children getting hurt by us leaving. They call him dad they love him. They still see their bilogical father on weekends but here is where they feel safe and secure. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Angee,

It is sad that he does not think therapy will help. The rigid thinking (stubbornness) that is part of head injury coupled with his desire to be 'the man' is counter to long term stability. If he would accept help and admit he needs it, his life could be quite different.

I think you are making some good decisions if he is not willing to accept help.

My best to you.

I whole heartedly agree with Mark. You must keep your children in mind. However much you love him it would be a double injury to hurt them trying to help him. I am always surprised by how many men define themselves by the concept of being man enough. I am sure if he were asked what it meant to be a man words like provider, protector, leader, ... would follow. It seems a sad fact that many men no longer understand we define ourselves by our actions, ethics and morals. Not societies concept of advertisement. I feel it has led to social identity crisis.