It is a lonely injury for sure, as often the best therapy is quiet time and isolation. I did notice a trend that a lot of the previous posts mentioned a wife or husband. I'm not trying to take away from the suffering you're feeling, as I know it is extremely difficult not to be able to do things with the ones you love.

I feel lonely to another degree in the sense that I am single and feel despair that it is hard to date and meet people when I'm not myself these days and a full recovery seems far off in the horizen (I'm 2+ yrs of PCS now). I think how special it must be to have a significant other who will stand by you in these incredibly difficult time and wonder if I will ever find someone as the debilitating PCS symptoms continue to linger...

Hi comeback kid,

I am much older than you but also single, before this concussion I had intended to start dating again but I am not the same person as before the concussion. I would have said I like camping, kayaking, watching t.v., going to plays etc.....I know can't do any of those things and not sure if or when it may happen.

At times when I don't feel well it would be really nice to have someone around to make me a cup of tea or just morale support. I also have a bunch of thing around the house I can't do anymore and I still can't drive. It is really hard always asking people for favours. After 15 months it is getting stale.

But, try to put yourself out there, you may find an understanding friend or maybe try joining a support group, meeting new people can be a positive and there are ALOT of really nice caring people out there, and of course you have all of us on the forum.

Good Luck, I feel your pain.

I can sympathize completely. I have not been dealing with this as long as you have at all, but I am a 25 year old female and single and although I have a couple really good friends and family who have been supportive and listened to me complain, it is still lonely. It is kind of hard to explain but even at work I feel like I am alone because nobody really truly understands this issue!

I find that I go between wanting to have someone to talk to and hang out with and not wanting to talk to anybody, just wanting to have my own little "pity party" as my mom calls it. On bad days I just lay around in bed and sleep most of the day until I have to get up for work at night, and on good days I'd like to do something but I am afraid to push it too far and not be able to function at work at night.

Anyway, I guess this isn't really very helpful, but I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel!

I don't want to stray into ideological or religious realms but rather than loneliness or isolation that we feel its is more of a loss of spirit or soul that causes the empty feeling.

Many of us post injury manage to retain a "core" set of family and friends but even their company something is missing. While their lives are continuing and evolving I see myself almost on the edge like a ghost.

Many people here find relief through meditation or spiritual activities does this restore something that has left us when we become injured ?

I can't articulate or put my finger on what I sense is missing - does anybody else feel the same ?

I think there are a few things going on here, that combine together to create this feeling you are describing. I'll just speak for myself, and then you can decide if your feelings might have the same causes as mine!


For one, it's the depression that so often accompanies PCS. When I was feeling depressed, I felt so disconnected, so lost within myself. As soon as my antidepressants kicked in, it was as if a switch had been flipped. Suddenly, I had energy, more resiliency, and more focus, but best of all, I felt connected and positive. I know I'm lucky to have found an antidepressant that works so well for me, because otherwise, this tumultuous time in my life (issues other than just the PCS) would be almost unbearable.


But even after my depression subsided, something still wasn't right, but I think I have figured out what it is. My husband and I got in an argument last week in which he said I had no compassion anymore. At first, I didn't understand. I mean, wasn't I doing all the things I was supposed to do? I was hugging him when he looked like he needed a hug, offering words of support and encouragement, etc. What else was I supposed to do?


My husband made me realize that I was offering him intellectual compassion--like, I realize you are suffering, so I will do x, y, and z, because that's what a supportive wife would do--rather than empathic compassion--like, I feel how much you are suffering and my heart breaks for you. I suppose this would be okay except this is soooo not me! I am an incredibly empathetic person. It's one of my better qualities normally. Why the change?


It is not that the head injuries have caused a personality change, but rather, PCS has made me self-protective above all else. For many months, I couldn't afford to feel my own emotional pain, let alone anyone else's pain! I put up a barricade to protect myself, and even though I'm so much better now and better equipped to handle stress and difficult emotions, the wall was still there. To detach oneself like that can make you feel like you are losing your soul! I am hoping now that I recognize the problem and am doing so much better physically, I can finally tear down that wall.


My best wishes to you!

I think that people that are fortunate to have a spouse should address these things to a marriage therapist or counselor.For the people that do NOT HAVE ANY SPOUSE WE REALLY DO NOT WANT TO READ THIS type of complaining!!! Be happy you have someone.I wish I could get a caregiver or a nurse to come see me once or twice a week.These types of threads are the threads of things that I feel you do not say to people with traumatic brain injury.

That is my 2 cent's and I hope people can appreciate these honest words!

I find that meditation can have a positive effect on me and seems to change my outlook.

In terns of feeling empathy for others, I find I really do not have the energy to spare to deal with other problems. I have 3 teenagers at home and every time there is a crisis, it just wipes me out. I use to deal with a crisis or two every day but with the pcs, I have a hard time keeping my self up.

I feel badly that I am not 100% there for my kids, mother, friends, etc., but I am doing the best I can and to feel guilty for my inadequacies is counter productive to my recovery.

I have missed hockey games, dance competitions, birthdays and other important events because I am just not well enough. I find that these missed opportunities is what really depresses me. I feel life is passing me by while I am resting upstairs because I can not tolerate noise..... I am really considering trying an antidepressant.

Chin up....better days ahead. Maybe we can all start singing favourite things from the Sound of Music (lol).

Of course some people have it worse than others. I'm not looking to get into a contest. I know I was feeling sorry for myself, but the night I posted my original post, 3+ weeks ago, I was severely depressed and had a lot of difficult things going on that I did not outline. I'm doing better now, so I can look back and feel a little bit embarrassed by how much personal information I shared, but I do not regret the sentiment, which you seem to be overlooking--when you have PCS, it can be very isolating, no matter how many loved ones you have to support you. It is something we all share, which is what I was trying to highlight.


Anyway, just for the record, it is too simplistic to say to anyone, "be happy to have someone" because if you are constantly fighting with your spouse, that is going to negatively impact your recovery. That said, I AM happy to have my husband, but PCS can be very damaging to relationships, as I'm sure you know, and every person has their own struggles.


Thank you for your flip suggestion of couples therapy. I've been trying to get my husband to go to therapy since the beginning of April, but he won't go. So yeah, we all have our sore points, but at least I was not trying to be cruel towards anyone in my post.


Sorry to those of you who didn't appreciate what I had to say, but you have no right to try to censor me or anyone else. Everyone has the right to come onto this site and express their frustrations. You don't have to read my posts if you don't like what I have to say. That's my 2 cents.

Thanks for the positive vibes! I'm actually doing a lot better than when I originally posted this! It's kind of an old post!


That said, I don't think I'd be doind as well as I am today if it weren't for he antidepressant I started taking. This syndrome would depress anyone, and I think damage to the brain makes us less resilient. When I first started feeling depressed, the smallest things would utterly devastate me. On meds, things are back to scale, and I have perspective again. My view is, whatever gets you through the night! Do whatever it takes! There's no shame in taking an antidepressant. It can literally be a life saver. It has been for me.

This is such a cruel injury. I don't look I injured except for my gait and my rt hand curling at times, but I am suffering. The thought of the isolation going on for years is terrifying. I'm a people person. My whole family is like that and my career. The more I give to others the more my life is fulfilled and now others are taking care of me.

I feel for those of you that are single. My loneliness is only comforted by my family.

I am less aware of others needs since the accident and very focused on my own. This is not like me. Anyone else face this?

Thank you for all the postings. They've really helped tonight.

Jace