[Living_Dazed]

Hello friends,
I hit the one year mark a few days ago. I'd love to report that everything is great and I've healed. Regretfully, that's not my story. For hopefully most it will be and I have great hopes that I will continue healing as long as I'm breathing.

My brain is not the same as it was before the accident. I know that but still have a hard time NOT comparing old me to new me. My wonderful neuropsychologist feels that's detrimental to do. I agree. It's still hard not to compare.

I hit a plateau about 2-3 months ago. I still do my therapy and at home work but am now more focused on how to live THIS life. Adapting. My eyes still plague me with movement and tracking. Being in public overstimulates me quickly. The hypercussis is a major challenge also. When my brain is over taxed my speech slows. I really dislike this. I feel humiliation and embarrassment.

I don't drive and I ride in the backseat mostly to block movement. I still practice while in the car but stop when the symptoms are solid. Night time in the car is horrible with headlights so I don't look out at night. Ear plugs and sunglasses go with me everywhere. A hoodie is good to block over head lights.

I am seeing a pain management dr. No drugs for me at my request. When my headaches/migraines are at their worst I have dark thoughts. I see now how people can abuse drugs while in terrible pain. I've had an epidural on my neck and am preparing for greater occipital nerve ablation on the left side of my neck.

My neck pain is much better after the epidural and I am very hopeful about the ablation. I've had nerve blocks but they didn't last. Hoping to have my headaches/migraines reduced by half or more. Right now headaches are daily. Migraines weekly.

Started neuropsych testing. Brain hit exhaustion after one hour 15 minutes. Will finish the rest in short visits. My memory is problematic. Processing, decision making, problem solving-everything is slower.

Neurologist is good. He's good at what he does but a fast talker.

I've learned that a brain injury is a slow thing to recover from. Vestibular damage is also. I have learned that it's okay to keep letting drs go if they aren't the right fit and therapists too. Support is vital. The people hear help me survive when my days are darkest and teach me. I have also been given the chance to help others here which I'm so thankful for.

My life is very different. It will never go back. At this point I don't feel I will ever run a classroom again. Maybe tutor eventually. My focus is learning how to adapt and continuing to heal.

Thank you to all of you. Peace and healing,
Jace