[willgardner]

Today, I HATED my family. I only felt contempt for them. All I wanted to do was get better and never see these people. The negative feelings and thoughts saddened me greatly. I know this is unhealthy and I will have to address this issue sooner or later regardless of getting better.

Today, I felt hopeless about getting better, because I was not sure if I could sustain genuine friendships/relationships with people after this revealing experience.

Of course in the beginning, I looked at it as a learning opportunity. I vowed to do things differently if the table were to turn. Now I feel defensive, skeptical of people. This makes me feel very sad. I don't know where/how I went wrong in my thinking. Also, I know I am taking this too far than an average person, but this is how I feel unfortunately. would appreciate your feedback.

EDIT: I posted something like this before... ugh... sorry to have started another thread.

[anon1028]

bro today I started the day waking up with internal tremors. Then I went back to sleep hoping I would wake up normal and woke up again with internal tremors. By the third time I decided to stay awake. And then I decided to enjoy my pulsating tinnitus for a couple of hours before savoring the chronic pain.

my new doctor is understanding and has increased my gabapentin. I have an MRI tomorrow to check out what's causing the pulsing tinnitus.I will keep taking the appropriate medications and try to adjust to the situation as well as try to find any new or better treatment that will help me.

I lost all of my childhood friends and was devastated for years. My family thinks I have a mental illness or a drinking problem. I lost all of my work friends. You guys are my friends.like I said this is a war and we will win and continue with our lives. Forget everyone who let you down and let it make your more determined to improve and get on with your life.

We don't have cancer. .We don't have epilepsy. both in their own terrible way show proof of sickness.. we have no visible signs of our disability. We have an invisible injury and we have eachother. I am no longer bItter about who is gone. I am thankful for hockey and you and mark in Idaho and everyone else that for some reason seems to care whether a guy from New York City that they hardly know gets better or not. That is a beautiful things.

if you have never listened to the speech that Rocky gave to his son in the movie Rocky Balboa look it up. It will benefit you.Your friend Mark.

[Galaxy1012]

Well said Markneil. We are a family no matter what type of brain injury we have. People for some reason find it difficult to believe after a while that we have genuine issues. They expect us to be better soon and get on with our lives and take responsibilities. I don't blame either of them because this stuff is difficult to explain and convince to our so called medical professionals leave alone others.

I am just 4 months into all this and my family thinks I should be fine by now. I bet some of them think I am making up things and enjoying the attention or avoiding responsibilities. Doctors get rid of it by blaming everything on ****ing anxiety and most of them are useless. Its terrible and I am tired and exhausted of explaining people how this works and it all this takes time! I was yelled and screamed at for not having enough will power to go out and try diverting my mind. It was annoying when they don't understand that it ****ing doesn't work like this in brain injuries..I don't care anymore and those who don't want to understand me don't deserve my attention or my explanation. Doctors blaming it all on anxiety reassures my stubborn family members.

So things are rough for me now..I am just taking one day at a time...take it easy and let go brother...nobody will ever get us till they themselves go through it and I pray nobody should ever go through this ****...the good thing is that it reveals who truly cares for you so you will remember them always and the bad ones too...good luck

[Hockey]

Man, I hear you. Having lived with my injuries for seven years, I know what you're talking about. I am pressed for time today, but I will come back ASAP to discuss this at greater length.

In the interim, one thing that helps me to be more charitable toward my family is to remind myself that they DIDN'T change - I DID. If I don't, in all honesty, understand everything that has/is/will happen to me, how can I expect them to?

Their world has been turned upside down, too. I think a lot of their undeniable ignorance, insensitivity and sometimes downright hostility is motivated by their feeling powerless to help someone they love.

She's probably still too deep in the denial stage, but you could try to encourage your mom to join the TBI caregivers' forum, here on NT? She needs support, too.

[Hockey]

Originally Posted by willgardner

Today, I HATED my family. I only felt contempt for them. All I wanted to do was get better and never see these people. The negative feelings and thoughts saddened me greatly. I know this is unhealthy and I will have to address this issue sooner or later regardless of getting better.

Today, I felt hopeless about getting better, because I was not sure if I could sustain genuine friendships/relationships with people after this revealing experience.

Of course in the beginning, I looked at it as a learning opportunity. I vowed to do things differently if the table were to turn. Now I feel defensive, skeptical of people. This makes me feel very sad. I don't know where/how I went wrong in my thinking. Also, I know I am taking this too far than an average person, but this is how I feel unfortunately. would appreciate your feedback.

EDIT: I posted something like this before... ugh... sorry to have started another thread.

Always a topic worth revisiting.

[Marina22]

Originally Posted by willgardner

Today, I HATED my family. I only felt contempt for them. All I wanted to do was get better and never see these people. The negative feelings and thoughts saddened me greatly. I know this is unhealthy and I will have to address this issue sooner or later regardless of getting better.

Today, I felt hopeless about getting better, because I was not sure if I could sustain genuine friendships/relationships with people after this revealing experience.

Of course in the beginning, I looked at it as a learning opportunity. I vowed to do things differently if the table were to turn. Now I feel defensive, skeptical of people. This makes me feel very sad. I don't know where/how I went wrong in my thinking. Also, I know I am taking this too far than an average person, but this is how I feel unfortunately. would appreciate your feedback.

EDIT: I posted something like this before... ugh... sorry to have started another thread.

I hear you. Sometimes I hate my husband and wish him disappear and never see him ever again. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get why I cry sometimes and just can't stop. He doesn't get why I don't wanna get out of the house sometimes. He doesn't get why I don't answer/make important phone calls when it's necessary. He doesn't get why I don't cook sometimes and just order takeouts. He doesn't get lots of things. He thinks that I just became a very lazy person who just likes to feel sorry for herself. He thinks that pushing me is the best strategy to help me.

I don't get how this happened. He is a good man. He loves me. He was always there for me, caring and supportive. He is a very devoting father. Our kids just adore him. It's just my brain injury he can't understand or accept. I don't know.Maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe he is right. I don't know what to think. I have no friends here. They all disappeared. I have no close family. I am very lonely. The only people who accept me unconditionally are my kids. I'm so sick and tired of living like this.

[anon1028]

its amazing. we could all have written each others paragraphs and just substitute the family member who doesn't understand. I thought I was all alone with this brain injury and accompanying physical/mental/social problems but I see I am not. I wish I was alone and you guys weren't suffering but whenever my family disses me or I wake up with tremors or something else crazy happens I think to myself there are people out there that understand. and that gets me through the day

[Hockey]

Originally Posted by markneil1212

its amazing. we could all have written each others paragraphs and just substitute the family member who doesn't understand. I thought I was all alone with this brain injury and accompanying physical/mental/social problems but I see I am not. I wish I was alone and you guys weren't suffering but whenever my family disses me or I wake up with tremors or something else crazy happens I think to myself there are people out there that understand. and that gets me through the day

Yes, we're all citizens of our own strange new land, Brainbooboostan. The "norms" will never understand our unique culture.

[anon1028]

Originally Posted by Hockey

Yes, we're all citizens of our own strange new land, Brainbooboostan. The "norms" will never understand our unique culture.

maybe we should start a colony like lepers used to do brainbooboostan would have been a great last word for the word game

[Sitke]

Oh boy, I hear you too, this is such a lonely feeling, I get blank looks all the time.

Friends have almost disappeared, one who I'd known since childhood, they seemed concerned to begin with but now I guess just don't care, it has really hurt.

I forget everything and when I ask the same question a few mins later, people look at me like I'm crazy. I cry and can't stop either.

Just yesterday someone asked me for my cell # and my mind was completely blank, mumbled something about not remembering it and got a crazy look.

I keep to myself, I walk my dog, sit and look at the mountains...I want to go live in a cabin in the mountains and have food sent up to me..lol

Sorry you're having hard time but we are here for you.