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Old 08-07-2014, 04:56 AM #41
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Originally Posted by markneil1212 View Post
lately I am getting through my darkest days by sleeping 16 to 18 hours a day. My girlfriend hates it and says she is alone all the time and that I have given up. I don't know.
I'd say the excessive sleeping might indicate that depression has got the upper hand - for now.

It's encouraging that you have access to medical attention. Take any cognitive therapy you can get. Given the symptoms you've described, the vision therapy you've been offered has the potential to help.

I suspect, like many of us, you're feeling burnt out, and afraid to fail. Still, consider giving therapy a chance. Let in a little sliver of hope and see if the beam doesn't grow.

Just seeing you making the effort will help your girlfriend, too. If they think we've given up on ourselves, our loved ones can't be blamed for thinking we've given up on them, too.

Last edited by Hockey; 08-07-2014 at 05:59 AM.
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Old 08-07-2014, 06:39 AM #42
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I'd say the excessive sleeping might indicate that depression has got the upper hand - for now.

It's encouraging that you have access to medical attention. Take any cognitive therapy you can get. Given the symptoms you've described, the vision therapy you've been offered has the potential to help.

I suspect, like many of us, you're feeling burnt out, and afraid to fail. Still, consider giving therapy a chance. Let in a little sliver of hope and see if the beam doesn't grow.

Just seeing you making the effort will help your girlfriend, too. If they think we've given up on ourselves, our loved ones can't be blamed for thinking we've given up on them, too.
I just don't want to be awake anymore. she is very depressed too. she has been through too much. and these symptoms are unrelenting. im afraid something bad is going to happen soon, I'm afraid. ive given up hockey
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Old 08-07-2014, 02:40 PM #43
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I just don't want to be awake anymore. she is very depressed too. she has been through too much. and these symptoms are unrelenting. im afraid something bad is going to happen soon, I'm afraid. ive given up hockey
Well, that won't do. I'm counting on you to help me start a new weight loss support group for the PCS crowd on NT. Without your help, I'll end up calling it something stupid, like the the TBI Tubbies.

A project, any project, could help you take a little step out of the darkness. Come on, man, it's worth a try. At the very least, we'll have less of ourselves to hate.
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Old 08-07-2014, 02:56 PM #44
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Dont give up hope, set a goal, any goal and achieve it. If you give up your injuries win. Dig deep, I know you can do it.
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Old 08-08-2014, 02:49 PM #45
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I just don't want to be awake anymore. she is very depressed too. she has been through too much. and these symptoms are unrelenting. im afraid something bad is going to happen soon, I'm afraid. ive given up hockey
Please don't give up! For all of us and for me personally. I'm 35 years old. I'm suffering. If you give up that means I have to because that's what I'll be like in about 10 years. Please,please don't give up.
__________________
2002 - hit my head on a washer door while doing laundry. Recovered in 24 hours (was 7 months pregnant at that time)
2005 (maybe 2006) - kitchen cabinet (it took me ~ 1 week to recover)
2009 - refrigerator shelf, recovered in 1 month
summer, 2011 - metal rail, the life-changing concussion. Black out for ~10 minutes, spent ~2weeks in bed (wasn't able to even use a bathroom by myself). Made a complete recovery in 2 months.
October, 2011 - washer door again. Recovered in 1 months.
March, 2012 - kitchen cabinet again. Suicidal depression. Was diagnosed with OCD. Severe anxiety. Was completely recovered in 4 months, celexa is a magical pill.

After that I managed to go almost 1.5 years without a concussion! Was at a completely symptom-free stage, started volunteering at my kids' school again. I was living a happy life. Then,

August, 2013 - fell down the stairs, broke my ankle badly (my surgeon said that he literally has never seen anything that bad ever before and he's been practicing for more than 20 years).
September, 2013 - my son was hugging me and we bumped into each other. Result - complete return of all of my symptoms., no improvement with time. Severe depression again.

7/7/2014 - hit my self on a metal shelf again while trying to clean.


I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way.
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Old 08-08-2014, 05:41 PM #46
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Mark....you're not allowed to give up, we care about you too much so you just can't!

I totally understand though, absolutely, feeling depressed myself, well don't know if it's the full blown depression yet but it's near, last week a few days were really bad and today I feel it coming again...went to neuro and will message you in a minute on the one!!!!.....

I also had depression before the concussion and I can tell you it can make it much worse, wanted to never wake up last year, being awake was pure hell.

I so understand when you say you're afraid, you posted yesterday so I'm hoping you feel a little "lifted" today, it is hell.

I keep thinking I'm going to end up on the streets, Mark I can tell you today I told myself...again...how much I hate me....geez...I really do, the cried buckets, talk my dog out, cried again and am now on here, I feel so alone inside with all this I cry until I can't breathe., my best friend is my dog, others have almost all disappeared.

And I talk to him and say..."It's just me and you kid against the world" (I finally lost it...

I for one and I just know many others, enjoy....well, that's not the right wording but...reading your posts, I have giggled at some of your replies, can't remember which ones but they were amusing which often helps us doesn't it.

Mark, hang in there, here I am rabbiting on and I'm going to go now and write you! big hugs...
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:18 AM #47
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"There should be no boundary to human endeavour" -Steven Hawking
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Old 08-10-2014, 08:12 AM #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hockey View Post
I'd say the excessive sleeping might indicate that depression has got the upper hand - for now.

It's encouraging that you have access to medical attention. Take any cognitive therapy you can get. Given the symptoms you've described, the vision therapy you've been offered has the potential to help.

I suspect, like many of us, you're feeling burnt out, and afraid to fail. Still, consider giving therapy a chance. Let in a little sliver of hope and see if the beam doesn't grow.

Just seeing you making the effort will help your girlfriend, too. If they think we've given up on ourselves, our loved ones can't be blamed for thinking we've given up on them, too.
Hockey,
the game is pretty much over. i haven't washed or left the house in nearly three weeks now. i have sores and rashes on my body from not washing and i dont care.

ive used the ambien and xanax and vicoden faster than prescribed and will run short and have been chasing them with Jack Daniels the past 3 days. Besides the occasional shallow breating and palpitatinos, it is a 2-3 hour escape from the mental and physical pain.

i dont even have the strrength to hate the doctor that did most of this to me. funny thing is, with the devastating loss of career seven years ago, gut twisting loss of best friends and family, horrifying vivid dreas and physical pain it's the men problems that devastate me the most.

go figure. men never change. well, i'm not a man anymore. not a person. nobody. nothing. i guess one day i'll mix a few too many pills with too much Jack Daniels and this fight wil be over. In a way I'll finally defeat the damaged neurons becuse they will die with me. I can't belive I was a boxer once. I cant belive i was full of dreams once.

I dont know when i'll be on again. good luck hockey. you are special.
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Old 08-10-2014, 08:32 AM #49
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Hockey,
the game is pretty much over. i haven't washed or left the house in nearly three weeks now. i have sores and rashes on my body from not washing and i dont care.

ive used the ambien and xanax and vicoden faster than prescribed and will run short and have been chasing them with Jack Daniels the past 3 days. Besides the occasional shallow breating and palpitatinos, it is a 2-3 hour escape from the mental and physical pain.

i dont even have the strrength to hate the doctor that did most of this to me. funny thing is, with the devastating loss of career seven years ago, gut twisting loss of best friends and family, horrifying vivid dreas and physical pain it's the men problems that devastate me the most.

go figure. men never change. well, i'm not a man anymore. not a person. nobody. nothing. i guess one day i'll mix a few too many pills with too much Jack Daniels and this fight wil be over. In a way I'll finally defeat the damaged neurons becuse they will die with me. I can't belive I was a boxer once. I cant belive i was full of dreams once.

I dont know when i'll be on again. good luck hockey. you are special.
I sent you a PM.

Don't you wimp out on me. Who else is going to talk me out of eating my Lucky Charms with maple syrup and bacon drippings?

If you leave me here, to fight my TBI flab, all by myself, so help me, when times gets me there, I will so haunt you. No peaceful eternal rest for you, because I can be extremely annoying. Just ask my husband.
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Old 08-10-2014, 02:58 PM #50
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Mark, you're not going to give up cos you know what, we are going to help you through this, you would do the exact same thing for someone

Yes!!! you are a man, a person and in no way are you nothing, you are however going through hell, it is hell and you need help, I know the thinking though, how many times I say I hate myself, I'm not good enough, I'm dumb...can't think properly...on and on...

Oh, and the washing?? I once did not wash my hair for over 6 weeks couldn't do it, and I have long hair so it was piled up on the top of my head, when I took it down I had to cut parts of it out.

Probably dumb question but....can you see a new Dr? sometimes just seeing someone new can give us some hope.

We are here for you Mark, always...

Going to PM you and repeat what I've just said
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