Sorry if my previous comment seemed off putting or degrading, it was not my intention.

But, I do somewhat stand by what I said, try not to harp on. I know its very nice when you think youve figured it out. And it may stay that way for a few weeks or months, and you think you have a control on it. But somehow you will find yourself in a situation (say a wedding or a confrontation) and it redefines you and defaltes you. It takes a huge mental toll on you, because you finally thought you were doing better. I know its a tough pill to swallow, but I find living day by day works better for my psyche. But thats my own opinion, and everyone is entitled to their own.

Also Mark, "prolly" is what my phone actually autocorrected probably too. Evidently I misspelled it and thats what my iphone auto corrected it to. Sorry if it was offending or confusing.

It wasn't offending or confusing. I have seen it a couple of times and the word to me sounds juvenile. I am surprised a 'smart' phone would auto correct that way.

As we struggle with minds that tend to be rigid in their thinking, trying to accommodate and learn these new things that do not make much sense can be a struggle.

Kev,

What things do you enjoy doing ?
What things are you good at ?

What are your limitations, driving, etc.?

Did the doc say why he does not think you will work again ?

I am sure there are ways you can get more purpose back in your life. Fortunately, you live in an area with lots of outdoor things available.

If you want to take this discussion private, PM me.

You might enjoy this...

http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/
Letting Go of Attachment, from A to Zen

Sorry everyone if I was not being clear. This question is not subjective in the sense that I am talking about myself. I am just trying to incorporate the new knowledge I gained from this experience into how I view the world and how I view a person. For instance, if I cannot control my anger, can I really complain if someone else is being angry? I think knowing that a lot of "who we are" are necessarily not in our control helps us accept people as they come rather than blaming or criticizing them. This is meant to be constructive.

I just addressed this with the psychologist yesterday....actually whether it is being addressed from a stand point or about ones self, I totally find this as about myself.

I am struggling with who I am as a person...I don't look at myself as a medical problem, I look at the medical problem as a destructor of my previous self. I was asked what I like to do yesterday... I love to read, can I do it right now? No, so in my mind I am not a book enthusiast any longer. I love going to the movies, can I do it right now? No I love socializing...again can't do it right now. So, who exactly is the new me?

I am disheartened by all of this, psychologist said it is a grieving process, just the same as when someone close to you dies.... but here is my question, how do you like someone you would never have chosen to be? Do you remember the movie "Body Snatchers"? That is how I feel, someone drove in took my life, left my body, and a whole new world to figure out.

I think we are failing to communicate clearly about this topic.


PCS Journey 42,

I believe you don't have to be able to read, to like reading. (you don't have to own a sports car to like sports cars. You don't have to be rich to like money). You still like reading, that is who you are. Maybe whether you can read or not, which is not in your control, was never and is not who you are. You believed that reading a lot of books defined you as a person, but reality is suggesting that this is not so. I think this experience of ours is shedding light on who we truly are. You can dismiss this observation as a coping mechanism or a compromised view of a self. However, I believe truth is all encompassing. Truth cannot apply to one situation and not another. Truth has to be true in all situations at all times.

I do agree this is part of grieving process. I did have what I termed "an identity crisis" similar to yours. This is a necessary part of the process. Just remember that this too shall pass, and on the other side of this confusion, anger, there is clarity and empowerment. IF you want to talk, PM me.