[anon1028]

I'm close to getting ready to accept that this Is the way i'll be, but others shouldn't lose hope as I have been this way seven years and from multiple insults.

deciding between driving cab or delivering pizza. any suggestions as to which would be better? pt either. my driving is fine so no worries.

I used to do cutting edge graphics at major investment bank. now look. it hurts. but i'll get out of house. but if I'm going to compare it to before, then it will fail. I did drive 2 years ago but every time drunk got in car, or car broke down, or guy pulled knife or people tried to sell drugs in cab etc. etc. I compared it to being on 50th floor of Rockefeller Plaza and watching the skaters and tree from my window at Christmas. Can't do any of that anymore.

the new Microsoft office setup looks like a foreign language to me. typing comes and goes. could do graphics from home but nobody banging down doors for a 46 years old, 350 pounds guy with now semi bad credit to work from home.

tried to go to atlantic city for two nights with dawn and our mothers. I yelled at dawn in front of her mother. I NEVER yell at dawn like that. am I changing? shouldn't that have happened already. music bothering me more. that is new too.

also the hard seats sent searing pain from tailbone straight into brain stem. and then the sleep is terrible after that and I scream in pain when I stand up to change seats.

fortunately or unfortunately I remember so much about childhood..more than a person should. Anybody remember Night Ranger "no good for an old memory to mean so much today"

Its very important with head injury to either be moving forward, or if you cant, to not look back so much. at least to me

me and girlfriend don't watch tv so much together. I like bios and war stuff and horror and politics and she likes the real housewives

pulsating tinnitus is like an old friend now. when I bend over the pitch gets higher, so I try to do it slowly.

crazy, emotional vivid dreams seem to be here to stay, sometimes there are termors, sometimes no. sometimes I know where I am, sometimes I don't when I wake up. it is what it is.

I have had improvements over the years there weren't supposed to happen, so I do think there is a chance for things to improve after the informally accepted healing timeframe. I do not know that time frame so I wont comment on it. But my sexual issues have evolved over seven years from useless to maybe not useless, to sometimes useful I don't know what got fixed or if it was that neural plasticity they talk about. I've also read vagus nerve picking up the slack for some things. anyway, there's some hope to be had.

[mrsD]

This was published the other day, Mark. I thought of you.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ozy/be...usaolp00000592

Not only are sofas poor sleeping places with poor support for the neck and back, they are poisonous too!

Something to think about.

[willgardner]

NEUROPLASTICITY and EPIGENETICS.

Don't lose hope. Much of the battle is in our heads with ourselves.

[anon1028]

thanks MrsD. It's amazing how good it makes a person feel when someone else mentions they were thinking of them. and you're right. this sofa thing is awful. i'll have to read that article on my phone when its done charging because this stupid computer is going downhill fast

It's been years since I woke up not knowing where I am or what day it is. it started after last week's two day vacation and it scares me. I know it shouldn't but it does.

as far as the cab or pizza delivery, I want my old job back. I did those other jobs in my teens and twenties and now I'm back to square one? I miss NYC so much!!!!! it was so cool walking the streets in the early AM. all the buildings so beautiful and silent...

also, I was the resident Italian American at my job. People got a kick out of my ways of thinking and lifestyle. I once took them to a restaurant where Al Capone ate and 80 years ago my father dated the owners mother now I'm just one of a million other guys just like me on staten island. it was nice being around all kinds of people.

and you could get or do anything at any time in the city. at 3am those streets belonged to me, a handful of others and the cops.

I really started ranting I'm sorry. A number of the people in the TBI room I used to PM are gone and I miss them but glad if they got better.