I'm close to getting ready to accept that this Is the way i'll be, but others shouldn't lose hope as I have been this way seven years and from multiple insults.

deciding between driving cab or delivering pizza. any suggestions as to which would be better? pt either. my driving is fine so no worries.

I used to do cutting edge graphics at major investment bank. now look. it hurts. but i'll get out of house. but if I'm going to compare it to before, then it will fail. I did drive 2 years ago but every time drunk got in car, or car broke down, or guy pulled knife or people tried to sell drugs in cab etc. etc. I compared it to being on 50th floor of Rockefeller Plaza and watching the skaters and tree from my window at Christmas. Can't do any of that anymore.

the new Microsoft office setup looks like a foreign language to me. typing comes and goes. could do graphics from home but nobody banging down doors for a 46 years old, 350 pounds guy with now semi bad credit to work from home.

tried to go to atlantic city for two nights with dawn and our mothers. I yelled at dawn in front of her mother. I NEVER yell at dawn like that. am I changing? shouldn't that have happened already. music bothering me more. that is new too.

also the hard seats sent searing pain from tailbone straight into brain stem. and then the sleep is terrible after that and I scream in pain when I stand up to change seats.

fortunately or unfortunately I remember so much about childhood..more than a person should. Anybody remember Night Ranger "no good for an old memory to mean so much today"

Its very important with head injury to either be moving forward, or if you cant, to not look back so much. at least to me

me and girlfriend don't watch tv so much together. I like bios and war stuff and horror and politics and she likes the real housewives

pulsating tinnitus is like an old friend now. when I bend over the pitch gets higher, so I try to do it slowly.

crazy, emotional vivid dreams seem to be here to stay, sometimes there are termors, sometimes no. sometimes I know where I am, sometimes I don't when I wake up. it is what it is.

I have had improvements over the years there weren't supposed to happen, so I do think there is a chance for things to improve after the informally accepted healing timeframe. I do not know that time frame so I wont comment on it. But my sexual issues have evolved over seven years from useless to maybe not useless, to sometimes useful I don't know what got fixed or if it was that neural plasticity they talk about. I've also read vagus nerve picking up the slack for some things. anyway, there's some hope to be had.