[thomasm144]

Hello,

I've been a lurker here for quite a while. I've had several concussions in the past, all of which healed in under a month. Suffice it to say, I suffered a new head injury. Now, I am exactly 1 month post-injury, and while I understand timeframes are virtually worthless- and more bane than benefit in terms of TBIs, I still have symptoms. Due to this fact, I feel a need to reach out.

I think I understand why my symptoms have persisted.

I was injured at work- walked into a ladder. No symptoms until several hours later; then, symptoms included brain fog and visual disturbances, as well as a sensitivity to noise. I began a new semester of school 3 days after my injury; a condensed 6 week summer semester. After the 1st week of school I slept for 48 hours. After 48 hours total cognitive/physical rest I felt much better. But...

For the next week my symptoms improved slowly. Then, my father visited from Canada. We made 2 trips to Manhattan. The day after the 2nd trip, my symptoms returned when making the hour drive back from school. Brain fog, headache, etc. I slept for 12 hours, and my symptoms did not improve.

Out of despair, I had a beer. Idiotic, I know. My father tried to convince me my symptoms were "all in my head". Wanting to believe him, for the next few days I continued having 1 beer a night, before bed, so as to relax. It seemed to actually help, to a certain extent, as my anxiety diminished along with the headaches. One night, I had 3 drinks, due to stress. Then, the day after, I tried light walking on a treadmill; and all my progress turned to nil. Headaches, brain fog, pressure in head, visual disturbances- all returned. Now, these symptoms are more or less constant. I have not really exercised, save some light walking and yard work around my property (I live on a farm), since the injury. Light walking and short bursts of outside labor (properly hydrated) have a negligible effect.

In short, I subjected myself to a ridiculous, irresponsible quantity of stress and overstimulation.

This morning I cracked due to anxiety and depression (something I have struggled with since the age of 13, long before I sustained my first concussion), and almost dropped all my courses. As I only have 1 1/2 weeks left in the semester, I'm going to continue going; even though I feel the stress will be detrimental. I am a good student, on the Dean's List, and in spite of my head injuries I have still been getting A's on my English papers. But, this morning the drive to push myself just vaporized. I feel broken by the possibility these symptoms, this debilitation, could be a permanent thing. I am 20 years old, and feel, quite simply, broken. In the words of James Tyrone, "Life has me where it wants me!" A month and 1 day ago, I had life where I wanted it. Now, when I try to write, my ability to stumble into new connections, to have really original insights, and to grow, has been seriously diminished. I have an extremely strong work ethic and hyperactive drive. It is very difficult to accept any sort of limitation. So, having had to accept limitations over the last 4 weeks, I feel completely defeated.

I am never going to consume alcohol again. I have not had caffeine since January, as it interferes with my anxiety. I am no longer able to lift weights, a large setback, as, pre-injury, weightlifting was a main means of coping with my mental ills. I am also a writer, and rely greatly on my mind. Without my writing, my life will fall apart. I am not ME, without that. Before I had alcohol, my ability to write was gradually returning. Now, it is impaired, to a degree. Prior to my injury, when not in school I did nothing but read, write and exercise. I am not a typical teenager, and though I would occasionally party, my main focus has been achieving success (as in, writing something of lasting, not commercial, value) as a writer. I am, being a hypochondriac, extremely sensitive to every vagary of health. The minutest of changes, I typically perceive and seize upon. I'm sure that's not helping. The thought of these impairments lasting several months, years, or lingering permanently have driven me to fantasies of suicide. (Note these are only fantasies, I would never act on them.) In short, what truly disturbs me is the possibility I have seriously diminished my potential and robbed myself of my purpose by improperly treating my head injury.

For anyone in this forum, I'm sure you know what it is to be broken- to lose the thing that defines you. I can't let that happen to me. I have too much to accomplish.

My family is more or less unsympathetic; my father ascribes my lingering symptoms to my untreated anxiety disorders, as does my mother. Could this be a possibility? I genuinely think it's a confluence of factors, including TBI, PCS and anxiety/depression.

As for my case history: I have struggled with OCD, Bipolar disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder since the age of 13. I am also a hypochondriac. When I am not suffering symptoms of a head injury, I am worried about all sorts of illnesses- cancer, STD's, etc. I have once been hospitalized, but generally try to muddle through my ails without assistance. I suffered my first concussion 3 years ago. Since then I have suffered a likely 6 other injuries. All recovered in several days/weeks. Not so, this one.

At the moment I have head pressure, some minor difficulty reading, slightly slowed processing speed and visual issues.

I'm posting here because I just need to commiserate and communicate with others who know what I am suffering.

How do I get better? Have you any suggestions, based on my individual case history, as to what the **** could be wrong with me? I know there is not much I can do, but anything is appreciated.

Also, as I have been lurking for over a year, I'd like to thank all the regular posters- particularly Mark In Idaho- for the information I've gleaned.

[Mark in Idaho]

Thomasm144,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

I think the first thing you need to understand that you are likely suffering from Multiple Impact Syndrome due to the number of concussions over a short period. You brain has likely hit its limit. From now on, you can probably expect to struggle much more to recover from each concussion.

You don't mention nutrition, especially B vitamins. Your combined issues suggest that you really need to get a regimen going as a life discipline. I was started on my regimen by a psychiatrist 32 years ago when I suffered a horrible depressive event. It changed my life within 8 weeks.

With that, you need to take charge of your life. You will be on your own soon. Now is your chance to establish the means for maintaining your ability to write and stay mentally healthy. Drinking, sleep, stress factors, etc. can all be moderated such that you can have a full a productive life.

I suggest you focus on finishing summer classes so you can take time to get ready for the fall. Have your parents and family watch the YouTube series "You Look Great" is you can https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Xso4qGdlI

My best to you.

[hopefulmom]

Thomasm144
My daughter has had symptoms with head pressure, etc and has benefitted from prism glasses. Although she does not attend CAL Berkeley, she found their eye clinic to be a top choice. Maybe you could call them and they could refer you to an eye clinic that is similar to theirs near you.

In addition, she was tested at UCSF (vestibular clinic) and it turns out that that fall she took 4 years ago triggered a type of migraine call migrainous vertigo which is not vestibular migraines. The specialist said that most of her patients who presented as my daughter does were also told incorrectly that this was all in her head...

They also found after reviewing her MRI that she had sustained a fracture in the C2 vertebra

So needless-to-say that there a many components to her injury.

I am impressed that you can even be in school. Congrats on this feat--it is not easy.

Acupuncture has helped with her head pressure, but our insurance only pays 15 weeks worth. It might benefit you both with your anxiety and the head pressure. Look into getting your eyes tested and vision corrected. Along with everything else you are doing...it might just help reduce your symptoms.

My best

[AndromedaJulie]

Hi Thomasm144,

Welcome. I have not been on this forum for a while but it's good to be back.

About 8 weeks ago I started on a regimen of Mark in Idaho & Co's suggested supplements and I highly recommend it. I really think it has helped improve, in particular, my cognitive abilities. I feel sharper. So my first suggestion to you is to look at the sticky and talk with them, order the vitamins and start taking them asap, because it takes a while to get working.

Second, be gentle with yourself. I spent so many weeks reliving the things I should not have done. That time is gone. Stop berating yourself. Accept what is happening now. And - put on the brakes with your future worries, too, to the extent that you can. It, too, is not happening. It is what you are afraid of, it's valid. We all are/have been afraid of losing what makes us ourselves, here - but it's not as simple to lose yourself as it sounds. You need to stay in the present in order to do any healing. This is just my experience. You can try, but it just doesn't work any other way.

Third: you don't have to invalidate your brain injury with the fact that you have other psychological/psychiatric issues. You're not alone, btw. And as I understand it from my neurologist, those of us who do have issues like mood disorders, migraines, adhd, & other, generally will have a more strong 'hit' (ha, can't think of the word) from the injury and will take a longer recovery. Not because we are emotionally weaker, but because the brain is predisposed with issues.

You're not alone. Take as much time in quiet as you can. If you meditate, do yoga, or have any type of quiet contemplative practice, I would pursue it.

Be well.
Julie

[thomasm144]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Sorry for my delayed reply- final exams this week.

Mark- thank you for your suggesting I finish this summer term. Prior to reading your message I had literally JUST decided to drop all my classes. Then, I saw your post, and decided to deal with it. I now have 2 exams left, then the semester's over.

Today has been a godawful day, as last night a large moth flew into the side of my head. It was a light bump. Immediately, my anxiety skyrocketed. I was doing great before this- I even began writing again, with no noticeable impairments. Now, my symptoms are back.

Is this to be the rest of my life? Is every mild head bump going to send me further and further into hell, until I'm simply a vegetable?

I should say that, in my prior concussion history, I never suffered an impact that caused immediate symptoms. Always, invariably, I would hit my head- usually a light-moderate head bump that wouldn't give your average person pause, but occasionally harder hits- then immediately assume I had a concussion. That's when the symptoms would begin.

This all began back in June of 2013. I bumped my head on a door frame while peering out my door- obsessively checking my backyard for intruders. I didn't feel any symptoms at first, but then I leapt to Google. I learned of hematomas, as well the symptoms of a concussion. Then I began to feel slightly dazed and foggy. It took me a week to recover after that.

Then, every time I would bump my head, I would experience symptoms, usually resolving with 48 hours cognitive/physical rest.

During the last period of true, consistent happiness & stability in my life- when I was with my ex- I experienced 2 hits to my head. One while I was exiting my car, another at work. The first caused symptoms, until she talked me out of it; the 2nd was by far the hardest hit to the head I've ever taken. A handheld drill spun out of control and into my forehead. I had no symptoms whatever. Remember, this after I already suffered several prior impacts.

Could my anxiety be playing a role here, given I have never had an impact that caused even so much as immediate disorientation/confusion? The fogginess always came later. Are these concussive or sub-concussive impacts?

I have decided, whatever be the problems with my head, I have severe psychiatric issues in desperate need of treatment. I try to be a mensch, and deal with the symptoms independently, and though I look fine, internally it feels as if I'm being eviscerated, constantly. I need help, and I'm going to seek it. Even when I'm not dealing with the symptoms of a head injury, whether they be real or perceived, I am in constant, excruciating anxiety- over mortal illness, experiencing another head injury, you name it.

The only thing that keeps me hanging on is (A) my family & friends, and (B) my hope of one day writing something great. With every head bump, every worsening of symptoms, the latter seems more and more a pipe dream. I cannot live while I am kept from accomplishing all I can.

Obviously these are issues that need to be discussed with a psychologist/psychiatrist, and aren't really suitable for forum talk, but I appreciate your feedback.

[Mark in Idaho]

From what you have said, my opinion is that all of your current symptoms are due to anxiety. Anxiety is a powerful force. You need to seek out professional help with your anxiety and OCD.

There is no physical way a moth could hit your head with enough force to cause any impact force. We discussed concussion forces at length a few months ago. The research suggests that your brain can suffer a 10 to 20 G force before it even starts to be a concern. The G force of a usual concussion injury is more like 50 to 60 G's at the minimum. Those lesser forces are just momentary annoyances.

Startle response is likely your triggering mechanism. That startle likely starts you into a spiral of anxiety.

Googling and the related self-diagnosis are the fuel of anxiety. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) can be a big help with these issues. Brain health nutrition is also a big help. Anxiety is often left to run rampant when the brain is lacking B-12, D-3, folate and some other important nutrients. Anxiety is also a self-perpetuating condition. It floods the brain with toxins that make the brain more prone to anxiety. So, you get stuck in a catch-22. Anxiety makes anxiety worse.

So, please seriously consider the vitamin regimen in the sticky at the top and seek out professional help. As I said, CBT can help you sort out your responses to taps to your head and other worries.

My best to you.

[thomasm144]

Thanks Mark. I hope to god you're right. But what if I've actually had numerous concussions? There's a possibility. That's what bothers me.

I was feeling a bit better after I read your post, then I searched NeuroTalk, as to find the G force thread you mentioned.

In truth I've been compulsively reading posts on NeuroTalk for the last year or so. Since you seem knowledgeable and trustworthy, I put alot of stock in your words. But there appears to be a contradiction between the advice you just gave me and advice you've given others on this forum.

Just a few questions...

In a thread I found you discount the idea that, as you state here, the "lesser forces are momentary annoyances". In that thread you also state, in response to another poster, "you might have had enough minor sub-concussive impacts that such an impact can cause a concussion".

Could not the same such process apply to me?

I do very much appreciate your thoughts, but I have to ask: in response to my last post, are you just saying those comforting things to sate and abate my anxiety? Or is that truly a reasoned conclusion? I'm sorry to be suspicious, but I have to ask. I desperately want what you say to be true.

In another thread I found you wrote:

Please do not get stuck worrying about diagnostic terms. TBI, mTBI, concussions are meaningless for treatment and recovery. It is the symptoms of the injury that matter, regardless of cause. I have had symptoms develop where doctors say I could not have suffered a concussion because the forces were too weak. Yeah right. Tell that to my symptoms, head ache, mental confusion, etc.

Could not the same apply to my encounter with the moth, or any of the other impacts? And, research I've looked up states blackouts or death can occur at an impact of 4 to 6 g's. Could you link to the thread you mention, about the G forces?

At the moment I have some brain fog and visual disturbances- I see a ghost image superimposed over reflective or white surfaces, as well as some tinnitus. Could these symptoms really be caused by anxiety? (Though I admit I am at the moment very anxious.)

Please be honest with me. If you were in fact being honest with me to begin with, I'm sorry.

[thomasm144]

Thanks Mark.

I hope to god you're right.

At the same time, though, I've seen people on this forum essentially say it doesn't matter how lightly they hit their head. No matter how light the hit, for some, it still produces symptoms.

Could not the same thing be happening to me? Or is it really all caused by anxiety?

I'm very sorry to push the issue. I really hope you're right.

[thomasm144]

I believe my posts are being blocked, for some reason.

Thanks for your reply, Mark. I just have a few questions.

Why have some on this forum suffered PCS after a very minor head injury, if anything less than a certain number of g's really is nothing more than a 'momentary annoyance'?

My symptoms- a slight fog, occasional word mixups, dizziness, ghost images over reflective or light colored surfaces- could my anxiety really induce these symptoms?

I just want to know that you truly believe my symptoms are caused by anxiety, and all the information you've given me is true, and not meant to merely abate/sate my anxiety.

I am going to seek professional help, and will now mosey over to the Vitamins sticky.

[Jomar]

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