Last year around November, I got a concussion. Everything was going just fine, but my symptoms weren't going away. I don't think it was as bad as now though. Around March though, I was sleeping over at a friend's house and the next day everything felt like a dream.

I didn't hit my head at all though, but I did have a giant panic attack lasting for hours, eventually falling asleep and having a dream where Springtrap (from Five Night's at Freddy's 3) reached out from under my friend's bed and he cut my hand with a knife. I was sleeping on the floor, and I also had no idea that I was asleep at all. Now, I still have my symptoms except they're even worse.

I had my MRI last friday, because I never actually had one when I got my concussion. During it my head felt weird, although I don't know how to explain it. I felt really fatigued for the rest of the day and it hasn't gone away, and things like my memory got way more worse. I do weird things even more than I used to, and I don't know why.

People tend to not believe me about this though, because I appear and act fine to them. The thing is though, I try as hard as possible whether it's subconsciously or not to keep people from figuring out that I do stupid things because I used to be very smart and I get anxious about people thinking I'm an idiot.

I don't tell them this either, because I'm afraid they'll think that I'm faking even more. Right now I'm even more anxious because I'm scared that whoever's reading this will think I'm faking, and sometimes I even go as far as to doubt that my symptoms are actually real and just all in my head.

Some of my symptoms are things like I have a freakishly large amount of brain fog, my memory's bad, my brain does weird things, and I don't notice until a while after. Now thinking of words to say or "constructing sentences" is completely hard sometimes. It took me an entire day to figure out what to say and how to start.

I also have something wrong with my hearing, and I even did a hearing test and the doctor said everything was ok. A couple of months ago, I freaked out and asked my mom to take me to the emergency room because I was completely in anxiety mode. (I don't understand why I wanted it in the first place..) The doctor there wrote to my mom (she's deaf) and said that "I was most likely faking because nothing appears to be wrong with me".

Later when me and my mom were in an argument she got mad and said that the doctor thought I was faking, and I completely broke down and was crying for every night afterward. For about 3 days before though, they wanted me to rest and not do anything to stimulate my brain. I did this and the fog in my head felt more "pure" but it still didn't go away at all.

Now sometimes I'll be alone and think about myself and who I am, and I'll have a complete breakdown and cry because I want myself back. I don't know if you'll understand, but I just don't feel like myself anymore. I feel like a robot. Sometimes I feel like my subconscious does things for me because I can't do them myself.

Because of this entire situation, my grades aren't going well and I'm constantly not turning things in because I'm scared to face my teachers and telling them about this. I'm scared they'll say "it's not an excuse" and it'll make my grades worse.

Everything's ok now though, I'm in a better place, I have better friends, and I'm in a better environment but I just can't shake this feeling that everything around me is a figment of my imagination and I'm just fake. I don't feel that feeling you get when you look around and feel life. I just feel nothing. And it hurts me.

And my symptoms are getting worse. I'm really scared that nothing will show up on the MRI thingy because my mom gives me so much slack that I might be faking, but then I'm also scared that there's really something wrong with me.

But then my doctor was talking to me about how our brain can kind of "hold" our symptoms which seem like they're actually still going on, but in reality it's just in our heads. (Like your brain is addicted to the symptoms I guess? p-p) and I'm scared that that might be true.

But the hearing problems don't make much sense.. I don't understand either because I don't WANT to deal with this stuff. It puts a strain on me because I used to be the exact opposite of what I am now. I used to have a fast (the word just disappeared from my head ;= reaction time thing, I used to be able to remember anything really well, and other things too but I can't think of them now.

I can't think of all my symptoms because they have to come to me. I can't force myself to think of something, it has to come to me as if my subconscious is doing everything for me. I have to deal with the same thing during tests.

And ever since the MRI, my memory got worse, I keep doing some weird stuff like I can't explain things well even worse, and other things like I'm doing right now. I don't even remember what I was asking right now and I now have to spend a while trying to remember what was going on. I miss my brain.

Also, I'm around 14, just in case you were wondering. So this situation isn't really helping, especially in middle school. Please note that I haven't explained even half of my symptoms, I just can't think of them right now. Thank you.