[Collegekid15]

Hi all!
This is my first post here, but I have been a lurker for quite sometime. First off I want to say thanks, all of the advice and support on this forum has helped me get through some really bad times.

On December 11 last year I was drinking heavily with some friends and I accidentally hit my friend in the nose and made it bleed. In my very drunken state which I don't remember, I told him he could hit me back to make up for it. He hit me very hard and that has changed everything since. No one at the party said that I lost conciousness, but I have no memory of the night I just remember waking up. I did not take it easy the next few days because I didn't not think I had any problems, I felt totally fine. But on Christmas Eve I got home at night and had a horrible anxiety attack. I thought that I would die and I threw up multiple times, and I could not sleep. I had to wake my mom up at 3 am and she scratched my back till I fell asleep.

After that day nothing has been the same. When I woke up the whole world seemed different. I think I suffer from depersonalization. Every room looks different, every object seems out of a place. I also suffered from really bad anxiety for a while, but that has gotten quite a bit better. I do not have symptoms near as severe as a lot of posters on this forums and I am very thankful for that, but this has still changed my life in a huge way.

In the summers I work in paving. I usually shovel asphalt for 10-12 hours a day, a lot of times in 90 + degree heat. I have about 3 months until then, but I am very worried that I will not be better by then. Most people post on here about getting lots of rest, and this seems like the opposite. But right now I can lift weights pretty hard and I feel better afterwards, it's the watching tv and being on my phone that makes things worse. I guess I am just asking if this will be a bad thing for me to do or if it could be beneficial. I have been feeling very depressed lately, feeling like I'll never be the same, and thinking about being out in the sun putting in a good days work has been giving me a lot of hope as I love my job. Any advice would be so helpful.