Hi all!
This is my first post here, but I have been a lurker for quite sometime. First off I want to say thanks, all of the advice and support on this forum has helped me get through some really bad times.

On December 11 last year I was drinking heavily with some friends and I accidentally hit my friend in the nose and made it bleed. In my very drunken state which I don't remember, I told him he could hit me back to make up for it. He hit me very hard and that has changed everything since. No one at the party said that I lost conciousness, but I have no memory of the night I just remember waking up. I did not take it easy the next few days because I didn't not think I had any problems, I felt totally fine. But on Christmas Eve I got home at night and had a horrible anxiety attack. I thought that I would die and I threw up multiple times, and I could not sleep. I had to wake my mom up at 3 am and she scratched my back till I fell asleep.

After that day nothing has been the same. When I woke up the whole world seemed different. I think I suffer from depersonalization. Every room looks different, every object seems out of a place. I also suffered from really bad anxiety for a while, but that has gotten quite a bit better. I do not have symptoms near as severe as a lot of posters on this forums and I am very thankful for that, but this has still changed my life in a huge way.

In the summers I work in paving. I usually shovel asphalt for 10-12 hours a day, a lot of times in 90 + degree heat. I have about 3 months until then, but I am very worried that I will not be better by then. Most people post on here about getting lots of rest, and this seems like the opposite. But right now I can lift weights pretty hard and I feel better afterwards, it's the watching tv and being on my phone that makes things worse. I guess I am just asking if this will be a bad thing for me to do or if it could be beneficial. I have been feeling very depressed lately, feeling like I'll never be the same, and thinking about being out in the sun putting in a good days work has been giving me a lot of hope as I love my job. Any advice would be so helpful.

I never thought I would find a story so relatable to mine. It was November
31st when I hit my head at school out drinking with my friends. I had recollection of the events (barely) but didn't think that I had hit my head hard enough to have a concussion. Long story short I was having terrible insomnia, a simple feeling of being hungover three days later, and eventually a panic attack at the end of the week. I got better and even tried to return to school for the spring semester but my visual symptoms came back as well as the fatigue. I can relate to everything feeling different and the anxiety which I am hoping will get better with time.

That's good if you are back to lifting, as I sure miss it a lot. I tried getting back into it two weeks ago and had the visual symptoms and uneven pupils come right back. I think with time it will get there and I'm lucky that I can still run a little without getting bothered too much.

I am in a similar dilemma with work as I have done labor the past few summers and always loved to work outside all day, yet I'm nervous if I will be able to handle the stress of working construction in another two months. I never thought that work which used to make me so happy could be causing me so much stress right now. My doctor's advice was to not look at where I'll be in two months or three months, but where I am at now because it's easy to forget how far I have come. I have just mentally prepared myself that work this summer might not happen and that my health needs to take priority. It was hard taking a semester off of school, but looking back on the whole thing, it was for the best. I just keep thinking about the day I can get back to working. Setting my expectations that I need to work to be happy this summer was only setting me up for failure if I couldn't do it.

Concussed Engineer,

Welcome to NeuroTalk.

It looks like you have done a bit of TV medical show watching or such. If your pupils were truly different sizes, you should be in the hospital. Self-observed pupil differentials are common because we cannot accurately self-observe pupil size. Please leave that to the doctors. They look for differences in reaction to light and other more specific characteristics. The anxiety from this type of self-diagnosis is not good.

Regarding next summer, you can start now at learning how to tolerate environmental stress. You can also prepare for physical stress that raises your heart rate using the Buffalo protocol. A search of this forum will return many threads about it. There were some posts just last week or before.

The environmental stresses can be reduced with sun glasses, a wide brimmed hat, ear plugs (Mack's brand have a good reputation and are cheap and disposable)

There are other PCS symptoms that we can benefit from personal observation. Struggling to read or rereading a line of text means brain overload. Getting lost as someone talks is another. Both indicate a need to step back and catch your mental breath, so to speak.

Please feel free to tell us about your struggles. Much of recovery is learning how to move forward despite our symptoms. We use work-arounds and accommodations so we can still get things done.

Hi Mark, thanks for the welcome to the forum.

In regards to the pupil sizes, others have noted it and it has become a concern only due to the fact that I know I had no physiological anisocoria and it becomes very pronounced at times, especially if I strain myself physically or bend over a lot. I have voiced the concern with my doctor and it seems like all I get is the answer that I'm overreacting (which I don't fault him for as I'm naturally anxious). I went to a neuropthamologist two months ago, and they checked out fine which eased my nerves, yet recently people have noted that my one eyelid looks heavy and the size difference at times has become quite significant. My parent's are getting concerned but through this whole thing I have learned that it's not life or death and you have to have a leap of faith with the doctor's decisions. That being said there is a fine line, since you have to advocate for yourself a lot of times as they lean on the conservative side of things.

I have definitely noticed that minimizing environmental stressors helps, and I always have ear plugs (Mack's even) when I'm working in the garage or out in the woods chain sawing. Sunglasses have been a big help too, not that we see much of the sun this time of year.

Collegekid15, may or may not relate to this, but I was fine doing schoolwork cognitively and even took a few exams which I did extremely well on. It just seems to be lingering vision, emotional irritability, and fatigue keeping me down.

Sorry to hijack a thread, but I figured it would fit better here than anywhere else.

Concussed engineer,

What you are saying sounds exactly like what I am going through. I am still in school this term, and I think I am going to do my next term also. My general practitioner has said nothing except "this may go away in a few months or maybe a year" so I am finally scheduling an appointment with a neuro.

And yes cognitively I am doing pretty well, I have done very well on my tests but it is so hard to get up and go to class and do my homework. My worst symptoms are my vision, I have constant floaters and visual snow, and I believe I have derealization. Everything looks very weird, and I feel disconnected from people. I also have anxiety from situations I've never had it in, and I constantly feel depressed.

I just feel that I get conflicting opinions all over this site and everywhere else. Some people say to do complete rest until you are feeling better, some say that getting out and excercizing can be beneficial. Does anyone have any advice? I am considering taking this term off, but I just want to do what will be most beneficial to my head. Thank you all and concussed engineer I'd love to hear how you are doing and what is helping you.

Good blood flow to the brain is important. A sedentary life or similar rest is counter to this need. But, exercise or effort that causes an increase in symptoms is to be avoided.

A general neuro will not likely be much help. You need to find someone with true experience in concussions, not just any neuro.

Floaters and visual snow are not uncommon. Most floaters are due to a heightened awareness of every little sensation. They were always there, we just did not focus on them. Our properly working brain was able to ignore them. I went through the same observation and was checked out by an ophthalmologist.

The anxiety you are experiencing is one of the most troublesome symptoms of PCS. It can contribute to the sense of derealization. If you research concussions looking for lists of symptoms, you will likely start to self-diagnose symptoms to match the list of common symptoms. Some will be real. Others will be sort of an "I can make my symptoms fit xyz."

The change in how our minds sense and react to stimulation can be very confusing.

btw, The difference you are finding are due to many old school ideas that are still promoted by people who do not stay up on the latest research. Serious rest is only important during the first few days to week or so. After than, moderate stimulation is good as long as it does not cause symptoms to increase.

I suggest you look at next term as a time to take a more moderated course load. You might even talk with your disabilities department and ask for assistance in choosing a lighter load.

I can say that after taking this semester off it was a good idea as the fatigue and anxiety were really physically running my body down. I know that I am seeing one of the best doctors for this, and I am fortunate to live close to a place with such great healthcare. He encouraged me to try and go back to school which I did, but I just physically could not keep up with the three hour labs and all the work it was going to take. That was hard as I used to work all week until eight, ten or twelve hours a day, and then be in the gym and go out with my friends every other minute of the day.Talk about bad timing but I also got mono four weeks after the head injury, and I can tell that is still hanging around as I have swollen lymph nodes and am just not 100% over it.

I have never wanted to go back to school so bad now that I at least know why I was feeling so anxious and having the insomnia I was. In a way I take comfort knowing that the anxiety and overwhelmed state I had wasn't me, but I know my mind still doesn't process the same.

Today I was just in the garage and looked at some stuff I had been working on and I thought to myself that my vision was so bad that I couldn't have done that two months ago. Simple progress markers like that are easy to forget about, but are helpful.

As far as I am concerned, I think the anxiety is the biggest thing I have to overcome as I am always fearful that I am just digging myself into a hole. It seems the more fatigued I get the more anxious I get and the harder it is to sleep. I just hope this feeling passes as my symptoms hopefully improve. I know I had some underlying anxiety which runs in my family (just ask my friends as they always said that I looked like I could take down an elephant the day of a test with all the adrenaline I had). If anything this injury forced me to slow things down and just appreciate being alive, not putting so much pressure on myself to always be going full speed.

I'm sure you can relate to this CollegeKid, but for me it's so easy to forget about how much of my health I still have and that a lot of these anxieties can muddy the waters. A kind of "you can't see the forest because of the trees" kind of deal. Only these are just really ^%*ing big trees.