I have some emotional problems that I am wondering if anybody else has had to deal with. I've always had hereditary depression, and my sister has it as well, however now after the concussion I also have anxiety.
It didn't happen immediately I had a concussion about a year ago well almost a year ago and I didn't have anxiety up in till December of last year when I tried to go back to work and only lasted two months I ended up having a relapse and since that time about a month into my work I started having a great deal of anxiety and my depression increased. They had to make some alterations to my anti-depression medication because I was getting extremely depressed and feeling so low that it was scary. That for the most part is resolved I don't get as down as I did before now I have hopeless days are days where I feel completely hopeless but the worst of it is me wanting to go and live in a trailer up at the lake for a year rather than the alternative which would be worse so things have in fact improved.
The anxiety is a Mistry to me because I have never had to deal with anxiety in my life in fact I was always more calm maybe then people thought it should be under different circumstances. It's not that I become afraid it's that I become extremely angered easily. This comes out mostly at my husband and usually involves me using language that I've never even used before which makes it difficult on him always very forgiving.
My Nero psychologist says that this is something to do with the fight or flight response in the brain kicking in at times where it shouldn't. It could be as simple as something like my husband getting upset with me for overdoing it so blaming my symptoms on me. I just seem to lose it. The Nero psychologist explains that win the fight or flight response kicks in in your brain that your friend whole lobe goes dormant and is unable to think clearly which makes sense to me. She's also sending me to a neurologist to see if he can find something that she has missed because she expects that I would have been significantly improved before now . I'm a little leery of going to see him because on this site I see quite a few bad experiences with neurologists although she swears he is really really great.
I'm not on any medication for anxiety but Am learning to do calming exercises from my neuro psychologist.
It just seems that I can be extremely happy extremely sad and crying or extremely upset and angry but there doesn't seem to be very many times that are just an even keel.
I am just wondering if others have had similar situations, and what it resulted with, or what was done to help you deal with the mood swings.

Thank you for any insight


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Joanne,

Your description sounds similar to me, although the anxiety was there early on for me.

Now at 14 Weeks total (10 Weeks 2 days since the last blow to my head) I've passed through a kind of GAD (generalized anxiety) period giving way to lots of more subdued, 'normal' type anxiety that centers on my increasing difficulty going to sleep at my regular time early evening. It's like PTSD hyper-vigilance or hyper-arousal. My anxiety does not elevate my pulse much--maybe 10 bpm--so it's not like fear or panic, though for sure early on it could spike my blood pressure. (?)

I also continue to have 'crazy' intense other kinds of emotions including depression. I too have a history of depression--and panic attacks--which had been dormant quite some time before the injury.

I'm sure anxiety is the central issue for many PCS people. Psychiatric disorders that develop over time involving the person's situation and personality as well. We really need support from family and friends too.

Once I realized you are using iPhone talk to text, you post made more sense. Siri needs to learn how to listen better. LOL

Anti-depressants usually have anti-anxiety effects so adding an additional anti-anxiety med is interesting. I took a benzo with an SSRI but to help me sleep without jerking. But, it left me sleepy all day.

Frontal lobe damage reduces executive functioning (judgement) and can result in impulsiveness. One fight or flight issue is called adrenal-cortical hyperfunction. I deal with something like that. For those of us with this struggle, we need our family and others to get on board and be supportive rather than antagonists. They can help by noticing the start of an outburst and helping us remove ourselves from the situation.

But, we also need to learn to avoid the situations that can become triggers. There are things I just don't do or if I have to do them, I have my wife with me to help me moderate the situation. I actually carry a slip of paper in my wallet to had to someone when I end up over-reacting to explain my need for help.

It takes a lot of discipline to not over-do it. Even more when frontal lobe damage reduces our ability to make good decisions, especially quick or on-the-fly decisions. I try to avoid any situations where I will need to make quick decisions. That is a recipe for failure.

A big part of the solution for me is to try to live purposefully. By that I mean I avoid spur of the moment activities and events. I try to purposefully plan my activities with thought as to how much stress or effort will be required.

btw, I am not in agreement with a neuro-psych who says "I'd expect you would be significantly improved by now." Frontal lobe damage is not a simple fix or easy heal. Anybody who sets a timeline is not fully informed. Such a comment only burdens the patient.

Joanne,

At this time of day 2 years ago I was out cold waiting for a surgeon to arrive and put my skull back together, so I'm told.

I remember at 2 months post the doc telling me don't be surprised if you start swearing.
I don't swear at all, my mom taught me to take pride in good grammar and that rubbed off on me. Somewhere around 6 months post my language caught me off guard and my adult children howled with laughter...I was horrified. It has since calmed down and gone back to normal me but when I am under pressure words still catch me off guard and that is one sign I need to step back and take a break.

I have always been a very calm person under pressure. People I work with, friends and as a retired volunteer fireman many people have remarked over the years how they wish they were as cool as me when it gets tough. All that sort of went out the door. When the going gets tough I can get angry easily.

I read my Bible a lot and there was a verse I read early on that said to let your speech be gracious...so when I get ready to say something or blow at my wife I use that as a check before I speak, is what I am going to say be gracious. It isn't easy but it is now a learned behavior for me.

I do get anxious easily now and that does bother me, I wish I was that calm guy as before.
The last 2 days I have been telling myself it is ok to be anxious as no harm has come to me from it, just fear of it and discomfort but maybe in life we all deal with some sort of discomfort. I guess for me I will need to learn to be comfortable with it and not let it rob me of a blue sky or birds singing.

I hope hearing you aren't alone helps and let me say that I am nowhere near as bad as 1 year ago.

Keep the faith and best wishes to you!

Bud

Thank all three of you. Reading this helped me a lot.
Mark, I'm very sorry about Siri. I thought she would be adding punctuation but I guess not. I've gone back and edited this time. That must have been really hard on the head to read!
I feel bad that for example Bud has obviously had a much more severe injury than me, and yet here I am, seeming to have similar issues. It just seems odd. Btw, Bud, 2 of my kids laughed like crazy at my lack of control. But no, it definitely isn't funny to us.
Marc, carrying a slip of paper with you in case of needing to explain is a really good. I find explaining anything is very difficult. I've quite a few times felt very badly for a way that I reacted. Although I might be kind of afraid to hand a slip of paper to someone. I've become less confident through this all...hopefully that is temporary as well.
I try to recognize the signs, and Yesterday I stopped and decided not to tag along with my husband because I knew that I was on the verge of having some issues. I felt impatient. I was right and found that there were a few times during the day that I had to settle myself down. Besides sometimes he just wants company, and if I go, I'll be rotten company later.
I don't get a fast heartbeat, or at least not that I've noticed.
Certain things seem to set it off. When people make a remark without telling you what they are talking about (like "I'll have to call Paula tomorrow and ask her about that form. I have to have it completed and signed off by Monday's appointment"... My husband does this often. I have no idea who Paula is, or what form he's talking about, who's supposed to sign it off, and for what appointment. It drives me crazy! It didn't used to I would just calmly say "don't know what you're talking about" and he'd explain. ). Another antagonist is when people become frustrated with me. If my poor husband Dares to say anything to even insinuate that it is my fault I'm having a bad head day, I could tear wall paper off the walls with my fingernails I'm so mad and upset. (That's the only way I can describe it). I pray about it after being upset, but I need something at the moment to think of. I think graciousness could help.
Decisions are tough, and they make me anxious in a panic kind of way. One choice doesn't seem to stand out over the other no matter what it is, and Even if I make the decision, I still feel just as uncertain about the choice. If someone is waiting for that decision, it really does me in. I've learned to deal with this though by taking a deep breath, and just going with what I've decided regardless if I think it's a better choice, otherwise I feel as though I could go back-and-forth on the decision endlessly.
I'm going to try living purposely. I think that is a really good strategy. My husband wanted to go out yesterday because it was nice, but I knew first thing in the morning that to
It was not going to be an easy day for me so I decided to spend most of the day in the yard and invite him to sit with me if he wanted to. Although sometimes at these times it is best if I'm by myself.
I am also glad to know that it isn't necessarily true that I should be better by a certain time. Every time that I don't meet a hopeful timeline when there should have been more improvement, it makes me feel guilty. And my husband seems to then feel I have done something to prevent myself from getting better when actually that is what I want more than anything in the world. I've started to come to terms with the fact that this just may be what I'm dealing with. I know I can control the symptoms somewhat by not allowing myself to live for other people, and to Start living according to what I actually feel capable of.
Bud, I too received comments often about my patience and calm personality. Some people even said I was too calm, that there are times I Should have become mad and didn't. That was just who I was. Definitely Not who I am right now. But if I can control it, then maybe it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I don't know about you Bud, but I used to wonder why angry people couldn't just smarten up and bite their tongue. Haha. And here I sit.
I have always loved learning about the human mind, so I should be able to find some kind of happiness in perhaps learning about this condition we all struggle with. Later, of course. I'm not learning a whole lot very well right now. I don't want to focus on just My condition because I don't want to be consumed by it....but to help others somehow, I think that would bring some joy back to my life....much later.
Thanks again for listening and offer wig such good advice from all three. I Will enjoy the blue sky, and the birds singing, and I will continue to smell the flowers.


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Joanne,

I had a terrible time last year making decisions at work....things I have been doing effortlessly for years, suddenly I had no confidence about a correct decision and the wrong one was always perceived as a potential disaster.

I even had a few times at restaurants where my wife had to walk me through the process of making menu choices...it was overwhelming deciding. Of course when that happens we make it worse by being embarrassed.

As I improved and was capable of limited errands and so forth with my wife I would chose to go along with her when she could bring me home easily part way through the errands or after 1 store etc. or the whole schedule when nothing was planned afterwards.

My kids are out of the house so I did not have any additional responsibilities such as you when returning home...my efforts could all be directed towards decompressing.

I lost every stitch of confidence I ever had. I was really afraid I would never make a correct decision again... Even a bad one wt that! I am a lot more like my old self now but I do have times when I flounder. When I do I just pause and take the necessary time now or ask for help.

Bud

Perhaps I'm at the beginning of that stage because there are now the odd times that I don't actually get stuck with decisions...times when I remember that if I take a deep breath, I can handle making a decision, even if it doesn't feel as though I've actually decided anything. I am at least going through the process of saying one or the other, or saying something from a menu.
I'm hopeful I will become more confident again. It would sure be nice! I changed the voice mail on my phone, and when I listened to the old message, it sounds like someone I don't even know anymore. I hope I can bring her back.
I find it very confusing, and although I want to take responsibility, I sometimes don't remember exactly in what way I should or should not things, and when I do things wrong I feel like people think I do it on purpose. Sometime people do think that. What they don't understand is that there is nothing I would like More than to feel better. I would give my right Arm to be 100% again. So it is extremely upsetting when my someone indicates that it's my fault. Don't get me wrong, suggestions and reminders work wonderfully if I'm moving off track.
I guess it's just tough because if my brain isn't remembering everything correctly (and yes) I write things down, how am I supposed to remember all the details of what I'm supposed to be doing?
Last night on a walk with my husband, I said "is that Blue??" Referring to the stucco on a particular house that I don't remember being blue. He looked at me as said "go ahead, say the next part"...apparently I've asked that same question about the same house 4 times now, and always follow the statement with "I don't remember it being blue".
I should look at this with humour when I can. It IS a bit funny.


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Joannetb,

It appears one of your problems may be a limited digit spam. This is not uncommon. It is often a part of memory dysfunctions and limitations. What this means is your brain can only juggle a limited number of bits of information. If you need to make a decision based on more bits of information than your brain can process, the mind will either freeze, get confused, outburst, or just give up and make a poor decision.

To explain digit span, I start at the basics. A child can usually process bits of information equal to age. A one year old can process one like NO. As the brain develops, this increases so a two year old can process two bits like yes and no. A three year old can process three such as yes, no, and maybe. This increases to about 8 digits at 8 years old. Some will increase their digit span past 8 if their brains have more processing capacity, intelligence, etc.

My digit span has been as high as 13 in a perfect situation but if I am under any stress, it reverts to 3 or so. Ambient sensory stimulation can impact digit span as the mind has to sort through irrelevant information to process the important information. For some of us the concept is we need to Stop to Think.

This is an important point for you to understand and explain to your family. If you husband asks you a question with too many variables or bits of information, you will struggle. f the question can be simplified, you will do much better. I find that it can help to write down all of the bits so I can process them visually. I may cross out the bits that can be ignored so I can reduce the amount of information needed to make a decision.

You will benefit from taking time to determine what your digit span is so you can develop ways to work with this limitation. We tend to try to function at a pre-injury levels and crash. When we realize we are about to crash, we can step back, take note of how much information was too much and take steps to consolidate the important information and try again.

It sounds like you processing ability changes based on your stress and intensity of the information. Understanding this will be a big help.

I forget if you have had a full battery Neuro Psychological Assessment so you can understand what your memory and executive functioning limits are. Mine helped me stop trying to push too hard and crash and annoy others. I've had 3 over a 12 year span and nothing improved (my case is extreme) so I know that I needed to find ways to work with what functions I have. Research shows that those who accept their current condition and limitations and learn to work with them do best, even if improvements do come over time.

I know it is a struggle. The 'I want the old me back' is so tempting but usually counter-productive.

I hope this can help you.

My best to you.

One I havent seen mentioned was freeze.....

If Im walking across a street and tires screech or someone beeps....
I just freeze.....we are teaching my service dog to try and get me across...

Joanne,

My blue house story for you.

When I started driving after my accident when I would grab the seat belt buckle to fasten it something didn't feel right. I thought for sure there has been something wrong with my arm and grip as it just felt unnatural to me.

Last week..a full 2 years after my accident I grabbed the belt buckle and it all felt familiar. For some reason the last year I had been grabbing the buckle differently than ever before, I recognized that something was different but not that I was holding it different. Out of the clear blue I grabbed it the way I have for ions and the light clicked on.

I have told my wife many times that some things seem unfamiliar at times...another one. I have been an exercise person since high school many moons ago. I missed 17 months of gym time. Upon return in December of 2015 I knew all the stuff I wanted to do and remembered how etc. but I had to feel my way through and relearn the sensations of exercise. Something so familiar had become so foreign...after 4 months now I am comfortable again.

It has never been anything major, just little things that didn't ring a bell but no clue what was off.

Bud