Sorry to hear things have been so bad.

I was having suicidal thoughts and regular bouts of depression a while ago due to my injuries. I have found that mindfulness and meditation has helped considerably.

If you have trouble meditating and cannot access instructions. I can copy some into this thread If you would find it helpful.

Also I used cbd hemp tea to calm my mind. **

What are the problems with your van? I have previously lived in a van and maybe able to offered some ideas.

Never give up hope, you never know what good thing is just round the corner.