Hi,

I am on other forums here because of a neuro problem I'm having, but I am concerned at how my problems are affecting my husband.

He sustained a serious TBI last year (while I was doing well, thank God) that he is recovering from very well, but I believe I'm seeing some back tracking in his condition due to the stress my health is placing on him.

I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions. I want him to see his doctor about getting something to help with depression. He landed on the chair for 3 solid days and did almost nothing. I know his head injury makes him more prone to depression and I know that depression will cause problems with the head injury, too. He doesn't think it's necessary because he has good reason to be "bummed" as he puts it, but I am not physically or mentally able to help him out of this now.

I don't want to be overreacting, which I'm sure would make it worse for him, but I really think this stress is setting him back and I'm worried. I don't want my illness to slow or reverse his progress or aggravate his conditions if I can do anything to stop that.

He did make an appointment with his doc for Tuesday, but he said it's to get another presciption for pain meds for his back. I know his back does cause a lot of pain and he doesn't want surgery which is warranted and I don't blame him for that. I don't think he's trying to get the meds just to "escape" our stress, but I don't think he'll tell the doc what's going on and ask for help for that. Frankly, I don't even know if he's really aware of some of the things I'm seeing.

I'm seriously thinking about accompanying him to the doc and bringing it up myself. Past experience tells me that if the doc tells him the same exact thing I've told him it suddenly has meaning! (33 years of marriage and he still won't listen to me - HA). On the other hand, though, he doesn't always respond to things the same as he used to.

I don't want him to take it as me trying to switch attention to myself, as I'm explaining how my illness keeps me from doing things, putting it on him. And that's one thing I've noticed recently. Our past two experiences with my "bouts", he never complained a bit about me not being able to do anything although I know they took a toll on him. This time though, some days it's almost as though he thinks I did this on purpose to take the focus off him and his problems. I know his injuries have really cut down on his stamina and it's much more difficult for him, even physically, to meet the demands due to my illness. I try not to ask for any help I don't really really need, and I express my concern about him overdoing to help me. But I'm not sure his mind is working quite all the way right yet. At my neuro appointment, he blurted out about his brain injury in the middle of my neuro saying something. This isn't at all like him normally. Is he trying to tell her he can't deal with me? He would never say anything like that to me or anyone else, but I wonder if that's what he's thinking? Should I suggest that I go away to my moms for a while to give him a break from me? Or could that come across like I don't think he's doing a good job taking care of me (which would hurt him, I know).

Any input will be helpful. I know you don't know the man, but if anyone can help me gain some insight in to how the brain injury may be affecting him so I can better understand his needs now..... I love him so much, and he's the most wonderful husband on earth.

Thanks guys. Neurotalk rocks! It's nice to have so many different forums in one place. Life doesn't just throw one problem at us at a time, does it!

Hi Becky. I wish I had something more helpful to contribute.

I think it is a really good idea to accompany your dear husband next time to the doctor. Mention your concerns to him and see what the response is.

Best wishes to you both.

Hi Becky,
I have a TBI also. All I did was fall and hit my head on the brick floor... but, that was all it took.

I have had a lot of improvement by doing exercises. I do memory exercises a LOT.

But, I also think that nerve regeneration has been helped by using methylcobalamin.

I know for sure that methylcobalamin relieves depression. I had tried to kill myself in 1997, now I am having nearly the same kinds of problems and I don't feel suicidal because I have a much more active brain, so it provides me with many other options.

There was a long time I just sat in a chair every day without remembering to make myself meals or do anything different.

It's a tricky thing, the brain. So many people have said I can't possibly have a brain injury because I recognize them... but our brains do so much intricate stuff that an injury impacts us in far more ways than we imagine ... recognizing people is a lot easier than comparing things, for instance. When someone can't remember two things at once, comparing things becomes ... basically impossible.

Okay, I have to go work on legal stuff, but as a parting word, if your husband isn't using Methylcobalamin you might head him to a computer with some of the research that shows how effective it is... I have a lot of excerpts from research on my site. But there are scads of places on the web to read info on the effectiveness of vitamin B12.

.... Oh, I should maybe mention that it's the stress of worrying about you, maybe, that is using up his B12, so I don't think going away would help, it might be worse because then he might be lonely, too.

I really think you and he will be happy to see the difference the methylcobalamin makes... but it's not an overnight change, the lozenges have to be used long enough to actually replace some of the depleted vitamin B12, which often is at least a month. Keep notes, that's really useful later when you want to review what the difference actually was.

Karen,
Thanks for the info. Funny how I hadn't thought about that. I always think of nutritional things first, normally. I guess that just shows the worry level. We should both be taking the mehtylcobalamin most likely so I will get some ordered!

hi Becky I take my DW with me to all my appointments but make sure you talk things through with him first ( no surprises ) as to what you want to add , to the consultation with tbi we notice some things ourselves but it is true that many things we don,t depending on the person , it is standard fair to be given antidepressants, but they did not help me, mood swings were exaggerated and cognitive issues got worse , its a strange thing with brain injury that we can plateau stop ,or regress as well progress, stress can be a factor ,I feel as the brain gets over loaded and shuts down or slows up, lifes knock don,t go away as we all know, but antidepressants may work for him , or logging on to NT an expressing his own concerns may help ???

Thanks Vini,
Unfortunately, he's one of those strong silent types that refuses to ask for help of any kind! Silly man seems to feel that's a sign of weakness. In 33 years of marriage I have had to always just kind of read his needs then I can initiate a discussion about them. In the past he was able to work through things in that way, but I think tbi's make that more difficult from what I've seen. And my current health issues are severe enough that I just don't have the physical or mental strength right now.

I do relay to him the things I've seen re: TBI and PCS on here, though. Even if he won't get on himself, I still think having the information is important to his recovery so he doesn't feel isolated!

Thanks so much for the response. I have decided to go with him, and will be sure to let him know before hand what my intentions are!

Becky