Thanks dave.
today is day 61 alcohol free.
December 2nd is my 100 days. looking forward tothat!
bizi

I had the worst night sleep....
rats
I slept so well friday night....
sigh
Restless legs big time, multiple interruptions, the cat crying almost non stop...could have shot her. The trazadone causes my mouth to be dry, it has gotten worse since my friend told me about her reactions to it. Now I am noticing it. Nose was hard to breath out of so I tried mouth breathing...that dried my mouth out even more. Got up and Cleaned the water bottle because it smelled...then later Hubbys cell phone chirrped because the battery was dieing and he forgot to shut it off. I got up to take it out of the room, he got up too and just shut it off.
sigh
Then I got confused at 6 am and thought it was sunday night so I had forgotten to set the alarm for 8 so I did that. When the alarm went off I turned it off and went back to sleep. Then got up at 8;30 and hubby was still here. he usually leaves for work at 7;15 or so. I asked him what time he had to be at school....
He said you poor thing... it is sunday.
lol
I stayed up and read the paper. Our local elections did not go our way unfortunately.... for governor David Vitter vs. John bel Edwards in the run off nov 21.
We are under a flash flood warning with rains from patricia....
We went to lunch at 11. Had the roasted turkey and rice dressing and green beans and baked sweet potato with pecans.
Delicious!
Home by noon.
I actually cleaned the microwave oven completely. And cleaned out the pet fountain which I have neglected my turn. Jeff has been doing that lately which is not fair. It is a once a month chore.
So it was long over due my turn. That took an hour.
Now I have some paperwork to do. Billing should not take me that long. I have gift certificates left over from christmas for khols. I am going to look for a new pair of long pants, maybe jeans and some other clothes, and a new purse if they have any that I like.
They have lots of clearance racks to go thru, a perfect rainy weather activity.
I decided to go to the gym later and walk on the tred mill.
My neck is better. I have been doing the stretches 3-5 times a day like instructed.
Did I mention that I pulled my back/scapula muscle about 3 weeks ago? The chiropractor worked on that area. I think that I have multiple issues going on. It is going to take a while.
Well I had better get to my paperwork.
Have a great day!
Thank you for reading!
bizi

I hope it is ok to post that I am at day 64 days alcohol free today......
if You look at my histories monthly journals then you know how much I drink when I was drinking...some times 12 drinks a night. mostly 4-6.
So when I decide to drink I binge drink and can't seem to moderate. It is definately easier to just decide to not drink for a period of time....FOR ME>
I can't seem to do moderation at this point in my life.
I am bipolar and I should not drink because of the meds that I take.
I lose weight when I don't drink....
138 this morning the lowest that i have been in years!
I am on the verge of hypomania and need to be very careful that I don't fall off the edge.
here is to staying sane....
bizi

Hi bizi,

Of course it is ok for you to Post about your AF Day Count, we support each other in all our endeavours. 138 is great as a result of it and your very varied diet.

A little concerned that you are on the verge of becoming hypo, I hope your meds even things out and it passes quickly. I am having problems with my Depressive Disorder, spiralling downwards further than I can cope with.

Dave.

I am sorry dave for your spiralling depression.
Does it help to talk it out? do you have a therapist to help, supportive friend?
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi bizi,

My last 2 Therapists did a number on me, betrayed my trust and destroyed my faith in the profession. I found it difficult enough to open up and share with anyone before this, I am more isolated and introverted now. My family do not understand, they see my Mood worsen but can only relate it to my physical pain and how they sometimes feel sad. It is pointless trying to explain a life-long mental disorder to them.

I will have to bite the bullet and ask my GP to increase my Mirtazapine, along with all the side effects.

Thank you for caring and for the hugs.

Dave.

Bizi and Dave - I think you two are amazing. You each have your challenges to deal with but you manage to stay on track and work effectively towards your goals.

Give yourselves a pat on the back from me.

Carol

(((((( Bizi )))))
 

Hi Bizi, Congrats on the AF days and the weight loss.:D
I am relieved you have the insight to catch any hypomania traits.
Knowing this helps to keep life manageable. :hug:
Please take excellent care. You mean so much to many people.:hug:

Warmly,
DejaVu

((((( Dave ))))))
 

Hi Dave,

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.:(
You are a very strong person. You cope with so many major challenges.
You also manage to share so much of yourself here, supporting so many members.

You also have my admiration and my support.

:hug:
DejaVu

Thank you for your kind words dave and dejavu.
Your continued support and encouragement is what I need....
I think that I was was having some hypomania symptoms due to the trazadone. (it is in the antidepressant family) and I can't take antidepressants they make me manic.
She discontinued that and let me go back to taking klonipin .5mg to sleep at night.
I have been sleeping better since the change.
Am hoping that I hold steady. I am following my doctors orders. She is happy with my progress and wants to see me in 3 months.
I did break my fast tonight. 65 days...I am done counting!

I drank 3 beers and had a big dinner. which was delicious by the way.
I am stuffed and overly full.
The halloween attractions were great!
Thank you for your support thru out this process called life.
bizi

happy halloween!
bizi

Happy Hallowe'en, bizi.

Hope the weather clears for you.

Dave.

(jan 23rd to may 23rd 2015= 121 AF longest in over a year!) May: 24-AF, 4 mod, 3-DD, June 30 days AF! July: 7-AF, 10-mod, 14-DD, (Aug 24th - Oct 28=65 AF). Aug: 8 AF, 15 Mod, 8 DD. Sept 30 AF, Oct 28 AF,

That means I was AF 255 days of the year so far out of 304.
That means I drank 49 days this year.
that is 16%
Wow!
I am proud of myself.
bizi

weight for the year:
1-12-15=164, 2-28-15=149, 3-31-15=147, 4-21-15=142.5, 5-22-15=139.5, 6-26-15=138.5, 7-22-15=146, 8-24-15=151, 9-15-15=144.5, 10-5-15=141, 10-27-15=138. 10-31-15=140 (TOM)
That is 24 pounds lost for the year.
:)

Hi Bizi,

Did you enjoy Halloween?

We live in a rather small, quiet neighborhood.
We have a few children young enough they love going door-to-door.
We have so much fun with them.

I did not get to participate much this year. Too much pain.
I am looking forward to next year though.

I am so impressed with all you are doing for yourself, Bizi!
You are managing so well.

You give me inspiration.

:hug:
DejaVu

Had a bad first time full ledged panic attack.
WE did our usual haunting nnad I drank 5 beers and after watching incidious 2 the movie...I was all freaked out.
very afraid and clinging to jeff.
I was afraid of every thing. it was awful.
slept with the lights on. jeff helped me but I took a zyprexa 15mg that I had from 2008. I thought what the hello I need to calm down.
It worked and zonked me out I was in bed until 4pm. I guess I needed the sleep.
I am feeling much better.
I hope it was not a psychotic episode.....
bizi

Not good, bizi. Panic Attacks are terribly upsetting.

I am glad you are feeling better now, and that you had Jeff there to help you through it at the time.

Dave.

Bizi, panic attacks are not fun.

It was good that Jeff was there to help.

:hug:

I did make it to the gym last night.
Some how it feels indulgent. I watched tv while there which I don't do at home. Walked 40 minutes about 2.2 miles at 3.5 mph. felt good.
I think my hypomania has subsided.
I feel like the happy feelings have disappeared.:(
I got up early today to make chilli. We are having some friends over for dinner.
Will see if the social anxiety comes back...I hope not. That was the best thing about the hypomania was not being anxious around people. I wish I could bottle that up.
We will have chilli with black beans and beef, and Onions and peppers
with shredded sharp cheddar cheese and sour cream on the side.
half an avocado
corn muffins
they are bringing some fruit.
they will be here for 6pm.
I am on my 3 cup of coffee....
already called my client this morning to let her know that I will be there late, some time between 10 and 10;30. I want plenty of time to shower and curl my hair. I have looked pretty haggard these past few days. It has been that time of the month which I hate.......can't wait to be done with perimenopause!
I got caught up with charting last night, it was hard focusing, absent mindedly, I even thru some stamps away but retrieved them out of the trash quickly realizing what I did.
sigh
I found out that one of my clients passed away on halloween. She was 98 years old and I loved her.
She was a nurse during WWII.
I just called her daughter and spoke with her. The obit will be in the paper tomorrow for the arrangements. I hope to go to the calling.
Thank you for reading and for your support.
bizi

We did have a great time with our friends. They brought a huge bowl of cut up fresh fruit. It was delicious!
My girl friend susan found a part time job working retail at a clothing store at the mall... "Talbots", nice clothes laid back work it sounds so perfect for her. Was glad to hear that!
I need to get a birthday card for my niece...her birthday is the 5th so it will be late...as usual...Why can't I ever get her her card on time????

Think I will run to the store and pick up a card.
Then I have some billing that I should do.
And then watch an episode of x-files....
life is good.
bizi

Bizi, it sounds to me that you had a good time with your friends (and the meal sounds yummy as well :)).

I am sorry to read about your client but I think that you acted as a true friend by getting in touch with her daughter.

When I see clients on a regular basis, like every couple of months for years, 5 in her case, I learn about their lives....she was always interesting and full of stories.
Theirs was definitely the greatest generation.
bizi

Bizi,

I'll wager she thoroughly enjoyed sharing her stories with you. Your work extends far beyond the physical aspect as you make connections with your Clients.

Dave.

Right after work I went to planet fitness and walked on the tred mill for 55minutes...a 5K. at 3.5mph.
I did not wear my fancy shoes and the bottoms of my feet are sore.
Over cooked the talapia which still turned out tasty.
I am going to go to bed very early tonight...I am so tired.....yawn. I did not sleep last night and got out of bed at 4;30am....:(
My back is sore maybe a heating pad would feel good.
When I got back from the gym jeff was still working late and I was ravenous. So I ate the left over lentil rice....there was a lot left....
the avocado was not ripe so we ate the fish and the corn and that was enough. I am very full. Had about a cup of roasted steamed corn.
Jeff ate some cheese and we both had some chocolate like usual. Typically in the evening I will have a lindt dark chocolate truffle The blue wrapper ones are my favorite!
thank you for reading.
bizi

I slept like a rock.
I took 80mg of geodon and 5mg of ativan.
Jeff gave me a nice back rub and the heating pad did the trick.
went to whole foods tonight and had 3 beers.
they were craft beers. :)
Had salmon and brocolli then fries at whole foods with brown gravy and cheese curds...yummy!
so much for my diet!
out the window!
bizi

the one drink did away with the social anxiety. though that buzz was starting to fade away and the nerves were coming back. rats.
we left shortly after that.

I slept fairly well on the 40 mg of geodon and .5mg of klonipin.
as prescribed.
got up early at 7;15. wanting a cup of coffee. I had a weird dream about visiting a poor family and spending time with them. small living quarters clothes everywhere, food rotten, little water bottles. I wanted to support the older girl who was there...trying to figure out how much it would cost to support her. then woke up.
My life is very rich. I hope I don't take it for granted.
I strive to eat better more organics fruits and veggies, meat that is more humanely raised, grass fed beef, vegetarian fed chickens, while half of the whole world is just trying to find enough to eat to survive.
I send a small amount each month to the second harvest(food bank).
I should do so much more.....
bizi

You Live up to Your Name, Bizi!
 

Hi Bizi,

Wow. Lots going on in your life. :D
Just checking in, trying to catch up with you.

I, like you, try not to take blessings for granted.

The energy of Gratitude has it's own, truly amazing, vibration.
I can feel its presence in your post.:D

So glad you and Jeff are healthy and enjoying life!

:hug:
DejaVu

thank you for reading and posting dejavu! Hope you are well.
bizi

Today was a lazy day.
After our lunch the usual: 3 eggs scrambled with spinach and black bean salsa and a side of brocolli. today they had shrimp and artichoke soup so I splurged and had a cup. Boy was that good!
Decided to go back to kohls since I had a coupon and a left over gift card.
It took me hours to find a pair of boots that fit and that I liked and on sale etc. but I found them! I also bought some black leggings and some purple socks to wear with my boots that matches the sweater that I bought last weekend. I used up all of my gift cards from last year....and I have one new outfit. How do people have the time to shop and how can they afford to shop????
(thanks again mom for the gift card!)
I went to whole foods and had some beers, a really good coffee milk stout, yummy! I felt social and struck up a conversation with a guy at the bar. Turns out he is a deputy sheriff. He has been in the military, served in 2 wars, tired of law enforcement And now wants to be a cook. lol
Came home and cooked pork chops with an indian spice-picle masala. It is very flavorful. Steamed mixed veggies and had half an avocado. Simple like usual. Had a dark chocolate truffle delicious! I usually eat a piece of chocolate every day.
We took a 2 mile walk around the neighborhood. I wore a light jacket but took it off before we got home because i got hot from walking.
Jeff was in shorts. ha!
He was busy today taking down all of the halloween decorations and putting them up in the attic.
I hope that I sleep better tonight after the walk.
thank you for reading.
bizi

I had been drinking 2-3 beers every night this week and have been sleeping poorly getting up and taking extra meds to sleep. Except for last night I did not drink any beer and slept fairly well.
starting my day with my second cup of coffee.
Happy tuesday to all!
bizi
137.5 this am...

? Change Mood status ??
 

I would like to change My Mood status. But, I am not able to remember how to change it. Would appreciate any assistance.

Thank you

Hi
You change your mood in the top right where the log in is.
If you have unread private messages or friend requests waiting, the mood tracker doesn't show till you clear those

I have been analyzing my drinking behavior for over 4 years.
Basically I have social anxiety issues.
I drink to feel social and to deal with other people. just getting ready to drink put me at ease...the anticipation put me at ease as well.
I really like beer. good beer. and many other alcoholic drinks. but my need for good sleep wins. I had one beer tonight at whole foods and quit with the bartenders help. She poured me a big glass of water which I drank before leaving. Picked up a spagettti squash and raspberries.
Hoping that the one pint of beer doesn't interfere with my sleeping tonight.
We went for a brisk 2 mile walk around the neighborhood, did not have a huge dinner ate at a good time.
I should sleep tonight with my regular meds.
If not then maybe something is amiss.
I also really do not want to regain all of the weight that I lost.

Had a great lunch of chicken schwarma and hummus and lentil rice and tabouli yummy! Ate with my friend Paula, none of the guys showed up.
I think our lunch gang is breaking up.
sad....
Dinner tonight was sauteed lemon pepper talapia with edemami, like lima beans but soybeans.
2 pieces of chocolate...will have an apple later.
Having my girl friends daughter over for dinner and she is going to help me do labels on my billing papers. A job that I hate doing. She is a freshman at the university here and has helped me before. I pay her $10 an hour, she is so worth it!

bizi

138 this morning.
Well I slept much better last night, woke up once or twice but was able to go back to sleep.
yeah!
I think better sleep wins over beer!
bizi
Finally getting into the shower, can't remember when that happened last....geesh!
This must be some disorder.

bizi

I am very proud of my self.
Went to a musician's talk where little Nat talked and played.
It was very entertaining!
There was free beer there, none that I liked so that was easy to pass up.
But then I saw the mango margaritas....oh my favorite!
That was a test.
Good sleep won!
It was a no brainer for me!
I did not feel deprived at all. I happily made the choice.
wow!
bizi

I'm still reading, bizi, just that pains are limiting. Your meal descriptions make my dieting oh, so hard - I have been slipping for a couple of weeks, overnight with the Depression and Mirtazapine - you make every dish sound like a banquet.

Congratulations on choosing sleep over a favourite drink, that took strength of character. I hope it continues to be worth it.

Dave.

I should be in bed now. I decided today that I will do the cajun cup 10K tomorrow morning.
I need to finish registering so I can get an official timing texted to me. I did it last year and completed it in 1 hour and 33 minutes. I had stopped training in june when I had the injury to my right thigh muscle following the 5k memorial day run....was so depressed about that.
that i stopped training for 6 weeks and got out of the habit of going to the gym and had all kinds of excuses to not go.
Today my girlfriend talked me into signing up.
Wish me luck!
bizi
it starts at 8am!!!

Bizi, I hear lots of positive things in your recent posts, especially your honest self-assessment of the reasons for your drinking - well done!

I hope that the 10 km run goes well :).

You Go, Girl!
 

Hi bizi,

Catching up on your thread again.:D

I know many people who use alcohol for social anxiety. There are other ways to overcome social anxiety, too. Studies have been done, in the past, showing how holding a drink helps people, as a social prop. Sometimes, people decide to give up the alcohol, yet still hold a glass or a bottle of an non-alcoholic drink while socializing. Practice makes perfect! ;)

Alcohol is notorious for interrupting sleep.
If I have even on alcoholic drink, my sleep is disturbed all night.
I don't drink very often, it causes me more issues than not. I also don't like to mix alcohol with my meds.

You are impressive, bizi. You are doing an outstanding job with managing your life, especially in the areas where you have expressed concerns.

Good luck in the marathon! :D

We are lucky to have you here, sharing so much about your journey.
You are an inspiration, for sure.

:hug:
DejaVu

thanks dejavu!
It is actually only a 10 k which is 6.2 miles.
Nice to read your nice note this morning before I go, one quick cup of coffee and throw on my clothes and out the door I go.
have a great weekend!
bizi