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10-25-2011, 08:52 AM | #1 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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good day all
my appointment isn't till 2:00 the lump is still hanging around i don't even know how to express the emotions that run through me i had a horrible night with other issues found under spinal disorder waiting for meds to kick in takes about 45 minutes till then i thought i would share i find myself extremely depressed i'll have tomorrow with my psychiatrist he does help it's over a year now till then i am happy that this forum exists the last time i looked at the clock was 3:15 a.m. with nightmares too follow horrible, unspeakable lots of blood and violence what in heavens name would bring on such violence is disturbing in my waking life i live as we all do have situations that is just not in our control to stop it i just got up only to be reminded the doctor my eldest child (30) will be with me i always said in the past if by chance and the odds are there in worse case and test show positive i said i would have both breasts removed and still would what i can't wrap my brain around is they served its purpose i breast fed all my four children one up till 30 months i was married a long time ago and divorced just 25 years now decided then never to marry again i don't have someone special because i don't trust my relationships are limited i feel so alone so scared hard accepting that this is really happening everything a test it is just so much at once blowing my mind i am relieved knowing i have done my job and had my mammos faithfully that should calm me a bit but honestly the attachment is not making any sense i am 50 years young although the grey gives it away so much confusion in my gut if you know what i mean i just want it over already i want to live life knowing darn well i am responsible for it something i do not know how to respond at the thought of them being gone it sounds so vein and by far it isn't that so many women and men die i'm going to go now smack myself around a little get out of the poor me crap i just want to FEEL happy i have many things in my life just be grateful and stop with the grief in my writing i'm sure the confusion is evident i'll get over it get tested do not hesitate or procrastinate may that be the message
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