This is another method that may, or may not, work for him. I know it works for me.

Step 1. I made a list of people that have been instrumental through my growing days of sobriety. They are the ones that have invested TIME in me to support me on this journey. I keep this list on a table in my bedroom where I walk by it a couple times a day, a place where it catches my eye.

Step 2. On my iPhone I have an app (it's free and super easy to setup) that counts the days since Aug 2, 2011. One click of a button and I know to the day how many days I have beat the urge to drink.

It has a reset button.

I have gotten to the point where the fear of hitting that reset button, the fear of disappointing that "list" is more important to me than taking a swig of alcohol. I would NOT want to face a majority of those people with the news of relapse and I know that my current life would drastically change if I were to hit that reset button.

Yes, an app helps keep my sober....but that also works for me. :)

Pamela, I use Step 1 in what Icehouse has suggested a lot.

For me it is a list, stuck to the noticeboard above this laptop. They are all people who have "invested TIME in me". They include my wife, my extended family, my health care team and my trusted friends.

I really value them all for their non-judgmental care and support. I am not meaning to imply that they would not respectfully call me out if they if they felt that I was not being honest with them - they did and this happened a bit in the early days, which I appreciated.

I think about them every day. It helps that they all enjoy my company way more now that I am sober compared to when I was not.

Maybe something along these lines might help DB?

Just for today
 

To a who understand addiction
My choice of drug is alcohol
It is six years now I take hard core medicines
Having entered the rooms in 1990 and I was bitten
in 1992
It was time in my sobriety I had this very hard time with counting days
For me I don't know if it was my OCD I have a fixation with numbers odd and even numbers
Sick right
But the truth
Today I am certain
The MOST important day is the one one is in
I have seen many with twenty years pick up
And some who have passed as a result of the addiction
It for me became something I did not concentrate on the accumulated was difficult
And then when I became I'll and had to take medicines just broke me
However now when I am at a meeting
I am able to express to all with the stressors and but for the simple fact I felt my sobriety was robbed from me
Only became another TOOL I am able to use and for me
Just for today I am greatful I haven't ever abused my medicines
For the day I ever should want to try something stupid like that will be the day I put the pills aside and pick up
AND I DON'T
I DON'T
every single day I don't pick up is another day of clarity
ABOUT SOBRIETY
It is me who thinks of this day I am in as the most important thing I can do in my day is stay sober
JUST FOR TODAY
and it is this kind of mind I go through in my day
But for the grace of Heavenly Father I get it
I get it
I pray my children who suffer addiction
I have my grandchild because of that very reason
It is a terrible thing to watch you loved ones in my case my children suffer addiction
One day at a time
It can be done only ONE DAY AT A TIME
yesterday has passed without picking up
Today I shall try and do the same
I cannot tell you about tomorrow
I may not be with the living
So just for today
Pam to have someone like yourself having
ones back and are slowly healing yourself as you too
BEGIN TO CHANGE
What I mean by that
Only you let in your life today what is important
A sober life
Is a great life
To remember my drinking days
We still talk about it openly
Especially with my older children
My eldest talks about bringing my vomit bucket on my days off
Oh in hindsight how I put my children in harms way when in that state
How greatful I am not to have the obsession
And that it is lifted for today
NEVER stray from that
Just for today
One day at a time
When our character defects begin to act up
Is usually a sign we are straying from the principles
You are a special individual
A dedicated partner
Who deserves a big hug
And to be recognized in this also
As all around beging to change with you and him for the better
How cool is that
It is so dry true in the beginning
We are so hard on ourselves
This is when the support system takes on a huge role
Yet bottom line it is the addict who makes it happen
No one else
You are on that road to recovery
And with that comes change
With much love
Me

Hi IceHouse, I downloaded an app for counting days. DB has gone 172 days without a lapse. 306 days since his last binge. Birthday in July is approaching. In all his attempts to stop drinking since 2009, he has never managed to not drink on his birthday. This year he hopes will be his first. I've suggested he not put pressure on himself thinking about it in the lead up, just treat it as another day in the future not to be considered until he gets there and to just focus on today and each day as it comes. We will cross that bridge when it arrives.

Pamela, 172 and 306 days are both tremendous achievements :).

If you want to, please pass on my congratulations to DB.

Maybe you could consume his day this year? Plan a day trip, do something out of the ordinary, have a "dry" picnic near a lake, take his mind of this buddies that drink, get him away from the temptation. I dunno, just a thought ;)

I live in the mountains of VA and it's super easy to blow a day just wandering around Gods creation.

Ice

You know as well as I
When one has made up their mind
They will pick up
You have great deterrents
If I may and one more to yours
Find a meeting both you and him can go to
This would be an OPEN MEETING
To get his medicine for the day
That is how I look at my meetings
My dose of medicine
Only wishing a positive wonderful day
We do it one moment at a time
Love
Me

hi pamela. i am so happy that db has been getting help with his addiction. and i am so proud of you for being there for him. he is lucky to have you for support. you are a special person. i grew up with an alcholic father. he tried several times to quit but always went back to drinking because he tried to do it on his own and not go to rehab. he was the best dad ever but was an angry drunk with my mom. no physical abuse just verbal but it wasn't pretty. but he was a good man who just couldn't kick the habit and he ended up passing away at a young age. i don't miss the alcohol but i miss him every day. now i have a half brother who is struggling with a different kind of addiction that seems to be ruining his health and his life too and he won't go to rehab either. i pray that he will someday soon so he doesn't pass away at an early age like my dad did. i hope and pray that db will go into remission and stay in remission for good. it sounds to me like he is doing great and is on the right track. and you are an amazing person for helping him get better. i am sending heartfelt prayers to you both. love and hugs my friend.:hug:

Of all months
 

July being an acknowledged hard month to get through. Now on top of it, his home country has for the first time in more than 50 yrs got through to the semi finals in football. Some of you call it round ball, some of you know it as soccer. 2am mornings up to watch the games has been wonderful. Family and friends of course are up and watching at normal hours so the iPad is pinging all night long with updates even when he isn't up and watching. Thank goodness he isn't up for all games, just those that feature Wales. Luckily he is an early morning riser with his job & usually up at 3.50am, with the games he has been up at 2 and so far, only one has fallen on a rostered day. Alcohol is very much in and on his mind and he is on a very narrow ledge. I'm being as supportive as I can, in an ideal world no one would be sending messages of where they are and who they are with, every photo sent wouldn't feature bars, pubs, drinks and mateship. The real brothers in arms camaraderie, but there you go, we can't live in a bubble and it would be petty to wish it away. This is a one in a lifetime event, I truly believe it. If we win on Weds night and get through to the finals it will be amazing. I've shed tears in awe as I've watched and cheered these men on in the middle of the night. I know how emotionally invested nearly every Welshman or woman is. So I hope and pray, games won or not, sobriety ultimately wins.

They lost
 

Another 2am start, I'm sad they lost of course, but a little relieved it's over. We can get on with keeping on. I hope sobriety continues to win.