Sorry for the loss;
Hopefully db will get thru the rest of this month continuing counting days of sobriety. (My hubby and I both celebrate our b'days this month as well.)

Keep hanging/holding on to one another.


Gerry

If I'm going to drink I'm going to drink
 

Not much I can say really. I've told his psych and he has had extra appointments in the lead up, two this week and has one on Tuesday the day after his birthday. DB was a very prem baby and spent 8 or 9 weeks in a humidicrib and initially wasn't expected to survive. He did survive but as far as I'm aware his family have never made a big deal about his birthday and they never talk of his birth or the circumstances surrounding why he was born so early. I had a migraine and wasn't up to cooking at all, he said he'd go get fish n chips, I asked if he will be ok and he just said if I'm going to drink I'm going to drink. Fair call, nothing like stating the obvious. I'm so over this month.

Pam,
You've been under a lot of stress yourself. Not surprised a migraine was waiting to happen. I have suffered from them since my teens. Luckily, Imtrex came on the market and it has been a godsend for me.

Do you feel there is a good chance he will begin the counting of alcohol free days again? He really went quite some time.

Still praying.

Gerry

Dang, I missed this post. one thing though: it is 0% your "fault". You probably already knew this, but it doesn't hurt to repeat it. The decision to drink again is always down to the addict. You have been an incredible support, but ultimately it's out of your hands.

Try to take care of you for a while, and do not be hard on yourself.

I hope DB finds his way back, but as long as he feels like he "misses out" while sober it will be a problem to stay that way. You can not just white knuckle it.

Truly hope he turns it around.

Raw anxious
 

Got through the birthday, sobriety to best of my knowledge maintained. His stomach is playing him up terribly, his psych says he drank in the past because of his anxiety and believes once his root of anxiety is uncovered he won't feel the urge to drink. He says he gets cravings now and then but nothing like he used to. Is having to face many emotions and memories he has long long buried. Has previously had no memories of his childhood but it seems in these last days, weeks much is coming up. I think white knuckling still plays a feature so it's best he avoids triggers. I can't help him anymore than I do, I've told him it is his journey, not mine, I'm here, but I can't make his choices for him, only he can do what is best for him. Once we get this month over I hope things will calm down.

Pamela, I just want to say that I really admire you.

You can not save DB (I am not implying that you are trying to). All that you can do is offer him love and support, which you are doing, but ultimately it is his choice.

Please remember to look after yourself first - that is not a selfish thing to do.

:hug:

Having blocked them
 

No more will I put up with what I already know
Cannot do a darn thing about it
And will not be pushed around either
Not anything I am comfortable with
They are my babies
In trouble
And have to figure it out themselves
When the mind is made up to pick up
You will never know it
You think things are getting easier
And
Bam
All over again
One has to be selfish
For when they understand I will be here when they get there priorities in check
I have to take care of me as I am caring for my grandchild since birth
Ready she is to start school September
All over again I go
Sending my grandchild off to school
Just raising my family until they can do it
Nobody to take care of me
But
Me

215 days
 

We got through the month, now the next challenge has arrived. He has a large tear to his calf muscle (off the bone) while playing football. It is quite bad, they believe he may have developed a clot as well. The last week of the month he reported as being particularly hard. But hey, he did it, recovery rocks!

In my last post here
 

How could I so easily I misspoke
I got here with the love and desire to
know Heavenly Father
There were times I had my children in the car
And had a few and thought I was just fine
Amazingly
Not ever to blame
Not to ever pick up again when that would enter my sick mind
How HEAVENLY FATHER
spared my children from me putting them Kim harms way
Did I know any better when alcohol took over
And for me it only took three stiff shots
I was off
Thinking I was this now calm mother
trying to give her children fun
Going down the shore amusement parks
Never was there a time going out to enjoy myself with my babies
did I not have at least three drinks
It is a sad and in your face reality how
I Was Watched Over
Big Time

To say ones mind is made up
It is made up
How many times after a meeting
My child would call and share with me
And the next thing you know she's went out pickup
Mind made up before going to her meeting
Thinking about it while at the meeting
Not using her tools
Resources
She knows them
She needs to make it happen
And we will be right where we always have been
And it be a new way of life
I understand
And powerless to shove it down her throat
All I can do is keep communication going
I have lifted the block on the phone it's almost been a month
We shall see
Powerless
But have Hope
Love
Me

Hey Pam;

"One Day at a Time". DB seems to be putting this phrase to practice.
215 and counting.....

Thanks for the update.


Gerry