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Old 06-14-2008, 10:13 AM #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MelodyL View Post
I hope you all don't mind if I ask this, but I just want to find out some facts.

Exactly what separates a social drinker from an alcoholic??

I don't drink. I do not like the taste of alcohol. Oh, I've had the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but that's it. It has to be in a pretty glass and I'll probably drink half of it.

I have been told that it would be beneficial to have a glass of wine with dinner because it's good for the heart. I also have diabetic neuropathy and I know that it might inflame the neuropathy so I don't drink any alcohol at all. The last time I had any wine was probably at a wedding 4 years ago. So drinking is not My thing.

But I have friends who sit out at night in the back yard and have some beers. I have other friends who bring out margueritas and dacqueries (spelling, sorry), and they chug a lug them on the weekends (but they all work and don't do this during the week).

As a matter of fact, several years ago, I was at a nighttime chip and dip thing in someone's backyard and they brought out pitchers of this and that and poured them into glasses. I had never tasted margueritas, etc. I found them delicious. But I had maybe one glass of each and that was that for me.

But they were doing this all night long.

Does this make one an alcoholic? Or are these (all women), just gals getting together on a hot summer night to drink ladies drinks??

I really don't know the answer.

I grew up in a household where, on holidays and special occasions, the highballs were served, whiskey sours, 7 and 7's and beer was served. My mother had 10 brothers and sisters, and on various occasions, I would see drinking. Never thought much about it because no one passed out and we all played cards during the night, then had coffee and cake.

I never knew my own mother was an alcoholic. I thought EVERYBODY's mother was sitting at the kitchen table when their 12 year old came home from school, and she'd be sitting there with a glass of scotch. Always scotch, never anything else. She never slurred, I never saw any disturbing kind of behavior. She was a mean person and we never got along, but I never attributed it to drinking.

Only when I was 24 and my parents moved to Florida, did my father call me and tell me "the superintendent of the apartment complex told me I better reign in my wife's drinking, she's getting out of hand". That's when I said 'Mom drinks??? Honestly, no one ever told me anything.

I told him to check for scotch bottles, and empty glasses. I flew there on many occasions, and they had a bar with lots of alcohol. But my mother had family in Florida, and there was ALWAYS people over and drinks were served. I never drank because it's not my thing. Food WAS my thing, but it's not any longer, thank god for that.

I distinctly remember my father singing and playing the ukelele with a drink in his hand on Christmas and on News Years Eve, but that was it for him.

Everybody else drank highballs on the weekends.

So does this constitute social drinking, or was everybody an alcoholic.

I believe my mom was. She was a nurse and worked the night shift, and I was visiting in Florida when I was in my late 20's. She must have been 56 or so. She came home at 7 a.m. and I watched her go to the liquor cabinet and pour herself a glass of scotch. I ran over and said AHA!!!! got you. and she jumped and said 'Don't tell your father, you don't understand, you just got up and had breakfast, I'm just coming home from work, so I have to unwind"

I tried to speak to her but it was like I was wrong and didn't understand and SHE knew what SHE was talking about.

If anyone can give me some answers, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks much.
I KNOW this isn't an AA meeting but I had my go-around with alcohol. I drank for some 20 years but after year ONE I knew I had a problem. I am in my 16th year of sobriety and I don't miss alcohol in the least.

If someone is trying to talk you into drinking, IGNORE them PLEASE. That's how mine started. I couldn't sleep after I had my daughter. I mean I REALLY couldn't sleep. Doctors wouldn't give me sleep aids so I did the only thing I could do to get some sleep. That is what Launched me into my Drinking Career. It ruined my health, destroyed anything I had with my family, two divorces, which I can't blame on MY drinking since BOTH my husbands were Alcoholics too and they certainly contributed to the messes.

Alcohol is a sedative and a depressant. It is NOT good for you and especially if you have the tendency for addiction, which I do. My Dad was alcoholic and my Mother to a degree but she really didn't drink all that much, only socially but she got Really MEAN. My Dad just crawled off by himself and went to sleep.

Quote:
Exactly what separates a social drinker from an alcoholic??
To answer your question ML. It's not how MUCH you drink, it's what it does to you when you drink. One drink will set up a "COMPULSION" to have another and another and another and another. That's why they say in AA that "One is too many and a thousand is not enough". That is a True Alcoholic.
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Old 06-14-2008, 11:24 PM #12
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Hi Wiix! Congratulations on your 16 years!! That is just wonderful!!!
I love to read on here...it makes me think and rejoice in the fact that I am sober!! I would not trade the sober life in...I love it!! It is a shame that so many years are wasted but I am just so grateful to be able to enjoy my life now!
When you spoke of compulsion it made me go back.
Never could I stop after the first one. Never. I always took it to the limit...if the booze was running low I would get crazy...I learned quickly to plan ahead....I was to the point at the end where I would buy a 26 oz bottle of tequila and a mickey. That way if I finished the 26er I had the mickey to fall back on.
I could not share my booze...again the fear that I would not have enough.
Many times I planned on quitting and really truly meant it and wanted to but 48 hours was all the time I could stay sober without panicking....I did not know my life without alcohol in it and I was too scared to go thru withdrawl. I did not know how to have fun or relax without it. I could not even meet and date people without my liquid courage!! I needed booze to function.
When I did finally get sober...I was drained and could not go on....no one really wanted to be around me any more....I put drink before my family, my friends, getting a job...I put it first...before anything.
I only hope more people could get to the point I got to and become willing to go thru whatever is necessary to get sober.
Drinking reminds me of toothpain....when you pull the teeth...the pain is gone. When you stop drinking and get help...the pain eventually goes away too!!
Just for anyone interested who is reading this....compulsion...yup that as me...had to drink...could not run out. One time when I did run out of my booze I was desperate....someone had a 1/2 beer and put cigarette butts out in it....I picked the butts out and yes I drank it..I needed it! I had to!!
I just can't see someone non alcoholic doing that? Me...I did ...I am an alcoholic and those were things I had to do to feed the compulsion!!
Thank you God, for my sobriety!!!!!!!
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Old 06-15-2008, 12:40 AM #13
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Ooo

A crook goes into a bar. He jumps up on a table and yells:

"This is a Stick Up and I am going to kill everyone of you."

The one Dude, Alcholic, at the end of the bar yells back to him:

"Can you wait until I finish my drink?"
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Old 06-15-2008, 09:33 PM #14
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HaHa!!!!
Heres one:

Man needs a new brain...goes to brain store
asks about the prices of brains...
salesman shows him 3 brains
brain#1 is $50,000.00 belonged to a doctor!
brain#2 is $100,000.00 belonged to a rocket scientist!
brain#3 is $500,000.00 belonged to an alcoholic!!!!

The man was confused and asked why the alcoholic brain was so much more expensive than those of a doctor and a rocket scientist!!!!!!!!!!

The salesman replied......"its more expensive because its barely been used"!!
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Old 06-29-2008, 10:20 PM #15
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Well, I have sad news again.

I had started another thread "trying to help a friend", but I'm just putting the update on this one. Same people are reading it.

He's back in the hospital. He drove himself because his pancreatitis flared up, he got all infected and he couldn't take the pain.

My friend called me up all hysterical telling me that "if he dies, I'm going to kill myself". Now how do you answer someone who tells you this??

I, of course, told her to go again to Al-anon, that she needs help with this situation. She is in therapy and she said to me 'He can't come home, he can't come home, I have to find a way to get him into rehab".

This just happened yesterday by the way.

Guess what happened today? They gave him librium, his heart stopped racing, he's much better and I have no idea what the prognosis is, but they told her 'he'll make it". He refused to see the social worker. I told her to go and see the social worker and proceed to do whatever she needed to do to put him in rehab. (How stupid was I on this one??).

So she and her husband went to the social worker and asked all kinds of questions. What can they do, How do they get a judge to sign off on this, etc. etc.?

She was told "He's not a danger to himself, and he's not a danger to you". She said 'what do you mean he's not a danger to himself, he's got a death wish going on, he's been hospitalized 4 times in one year. His Pancreas can't take it any more'.

The social worker said "Yes I understand but if he had a gun to his head, then you could have him committed. This is a drinking problem and it's HIS problem".

Then she said "but he's killing us, we have no life". The social worker said "he's not killing you, you are allowing this".

My friend did not understand. I said 'if you went to an Al-anon meeting, believe me you would understand. They would explain tough love to you. They would tell you to stop feeding him, buying stuff for him, etc."

She said: "but I dont' do these things". I then said:"you bought him a gift today". She said: 'but he's in the hospital, he's my son".

I just said (this is on the phone because she lives in another state). I said "you need to attend Al-anon meetings." "you need to listen to what they have to say, and apply it".

She just said "well, we have no rights, we have to let him come home, and if we go to Family Court (the only legal way to evict him), it will take 6 months to one year, BUT I CAN'T ABANDON MY CHILD"

This says it all!!! She wants him to voluntarily go into rehab and that's not happening.

We really thought that this time, there could be a judge signing off on SOMETHING. I gather this is not the case.

Good Lord.
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Old 06-30-2008, 11:11 AM #16
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Red face

Sounds very familiar. This is the merry-go-round of alcholism. People who I have known in my life who are much younger than I am have had their lives cut short directly from the use and abuse of alcohol.

I heard in the past year or so of two women, BOTH were my roommates for a short while have passed away. I can't say from what I witnessed with them that I'm surprized though.

They were both locked in the grip of alcohol addition and it was running their lives. I myself had stopped when I knew them and I also knew the incideousness of the beast. I watched them go through their antics, their self deception, their physical deterioration, their night terrors, it is a horrible thing to watch and be around.

Yet, since I had been there and knew what they were going through I knew there wasn't anything I could say or do to make them stop. They had to want to stop on their own. Only thing I could do was give them food and water and try to get them into bed so they could sleep. But once they had rested and got hydrated a bit then they were off running again.

Some people just NEVER get it. They are mentally incapable of seeing what is happening to them. Alcohol is incidious and trecherous and always there waiting for these people. I know how it feels.

It will take ONE very Negative experience to make them stop or at least want to stop. The use and abuse of alcohol will give you 3 things without a doubt. The nuthouse, jail and and early death. I have seen it happen over and over and over again.

But with all the trouble it caused me I was one of the lucky ones. I SAW where it was heading and did stop on my own. It was SO hard but I did it.
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Old 06-30-2008, 12:47 PM #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wiix View Post
Some people just NEVER get it. They are mentally incapable of seeing what is happening to them. Alcohol is incidious and trecherous and always there waiting for these people. I know how it feels.

It will take ONE very Negative experience to make them stop or at least want to stop. The use and abuse of alcohol will give you 3 things without a doubt. The nuthouse, jail and an early death. I have seen it happen over and over and over again.

But with all the trouble it caused me I was one of the lucky ones. I SAW where it was heading and did stop on my own. It was SO hard but I did it.
These words ring very true!!! Wiix, I am glad that you did just so you could share this post
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Old 06-30-2008, 08:09 PM #18
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Well, I just got off the phone with the young man who is in the hospital. He had been extremely verbally abusive to his mother, (I didn't get this one bit), I asked if it would be okay to call him (I've spoken to him before).

I called him and he was extremely polite to me (He is NOT this way to his parents). I asked him "why do you curse your mother and treat her like a piece of dirt, why do you do this"? He replied "you don't know her you only hear HER version of stuff, she's unstable, she cries all the time, I can't take it when she cries".

I said 'She is very worried about you, this is your 4th time in the hospital, these are your parents, can't you understand that?" He was adamant. I said "would you ever consider going into rehab?" and he said:

"That is absolutely not for me, I am NOT interested in anyone else's problems, I went to a few AA meetings and all they talk about is their problems, I have to do this ON MY OWN!!

I said "but that doesn't work now does it??" He just went on and on about how he can't do rehab and he doesn't believe in AA and he wants to do this on his own, etc. etc.

He had no respect for his parents. His father went straight to the hospital after finding out that he cursed the mother. They had a fight, words and curses were exchanged and the father left. Now they all swear they are never calling him again, and won't go visiting him.

Then my friend just called me (I'm still reeling over this one), and said:

"Melody, I know that my son doesn't want me there and that he doesn't respect me, but he's alone and he needs me". I said "do you hear yourself?? he has a girlfriend, she's there, he specifically cursed you and told you not to come, why do you want to do this to yourself".

And she went: 'But I know he doesn't mean this".

Oh my god.

Nothing I can do. Someone needs to be hit over the head with a hammer. She drinks and I told her "the best thing you can do is get clean and sober yourself and go to AA"

She said "no, I can't, I have to cope with all of this".

Quite Sad, all of this drama in their lives.
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:28 PM #19
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Red face

Oh Man. That's rough when the Mom and the son both drink. You can't help either of them Melody. You are probably better off staying out of it.

As far as the son saying he can't DO Rehab and he doesn't like AA, I can understand that too. Sounds like he needs to get away from EVERYONE.

My Dad stopped on his own. He was never a social kind of guy. He always drank off by himself somewhere, not in bars but out in his car or truck or in his shop. He had lots of places he could go to be alone. But he finally stopped when HE came to the conclusion that he's had Enough. He actually said that to me and my mother. He had 40+ years of sobriety when he passed away.

I quit on my own this time too BUT I had the benefit of the tools from AA from previous attempts. I think over a period of about 20 years I did stop 3 times before for varying lengths of time. Once for 6 or 8 months and two other times, one for 2 years and one for 4. All those time I was active in AA. This time I was only the first 3 or 4 months.

Tell him and tell his mother, or better said, ASK them, can you go one day without a drink?? Then ask " Can you just NOT drink TODAY?" See the deal with this is that if you keep saying that everyday, you string days together then weeks then months then years then decades but ONLY if you can "NOT DRINK TODAY".
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:44 PM #20
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Some time ago, I did ask her that very question. She is in therapy and her therapist actually told her 'give Melody a break and stop calling her'. lol

When I asked her "can you just try and not drink tonight?" she responded.

"Sure I can, but I don't want to, this is how I cope with my son's alcoholism". I didn't say a word and she said:"yeah, I know, it sounds stupid, but it numbs me and I don't feel the pain".

I told her she must learn better coping mechanisms because this one's a killer. I just found out she's been drinking A LONG TIME. Not like the son, but quietly at night in her room, a few bottles of wine. To her, that's not a problem.

Who am I to tell someone they have a problem, if THAT PERSON DOESN'T ADMIT IT TO THEMSELVES'???

She's been to Al-anon with her husband and the husband looked around and said 'we don't belong here, these people are crazy".

So basically she has no one, her son's in the hospital, she has a lousy marriage, and no family.

What a lousy deal.

I gave her the best advice. Go to AA and straighten yourself out. I told him the same.

If they do it, God bless them. If they don't, God Bless them.

And I do thank you for listening. I really wanted to do all I could and I believe I have.
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