Hi Majo,
I'm almost out of internet here so can't really reply with much today, but I just wanted to mention a really good book if you can access at the library.

I also wanted to say that there are ways of getting out of the muddle it can become and then to channel those energies or behaviours into very positive ways. Being obsessive about things doesn't always have to end in sadness or confusion.

You sound very sad to me lately. I'm really sorry about that and I hope that you're feeling better soon.

With true OCD, there's usually the obsession which comes first and the compulsion which comes next. Means that there is an action (the compulsion) which is driven by the obsession. Hope that makes sense. That is just how I know it.

Have you talked with your doctor about these feelings you're getting?

The Imp of the Mind: Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts
By Lee Baer
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/.../159/11/1952-a
Great book about OCD below if you're interested as well.
Brain Lock: Free Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, Beverly Beyette