before i say anything more....... to some of you this is going to sound stupid or trivial. if it does, then please ignore the thread - don't answer - it is NOT stupid or trivial TO ME.

right now i am feeling sick to the stomach. it is physical but not caused physically, i mean nothing is wrong with me. it is not an anxiety attack or anything like that.

i found my dad making a sauce and it turns out it is for a stew...

...to be made with Horse Meat. i told him right out i will not eat it i will not taste it and to keep it far away from me (lest i find it spooned onto a plate with veggies i might otherwise be able to eat at a different time) and that this is non-negotiable.

I am grossed out. The same kind of grossed out as if someone were cooking a cat or a dog... hopefully you can relate to that. Which i know in some countries is done. And in this country as in many, horse meat gets eaten but my parents have never had it before when i was around; this is a first for me. And thank goodness i found out before it landed in my plate.

I am a little surprised/confused that this should hit me so hard.

I mean, i am not vegetarian. Ok, I tend not to eat "exotic meats" which i define as any other meats than those i grew up eating... before i understood creatures died to get eaten by me. in other words i don't really like the idea of eating animals, but am accustomed enough to certain meats that my mind still hypocritically detaches the concept of the killed thing from the food thing. I do believe man is biologically omnivorous so i don't believe it is a wrong thing. however, i do not know if, put into the wild, i would be able to hunt. i think i would be more likely to fall into some deadly mishap with poisonous fruit first.

the sauce is cooking and all i can think of is this beautiful muscular glossy elegant horse galloping across a field and ... directly into the pot. i can smell the sauce and even though the meat is not in it yet it sets off my senses.

i will eat separately from my parents tonight. i will just grab a sandwich in front of the tv or something. but this horsemeat eating thing is ... eating me up.

something is now searing. if i know the stew procedure... that would be the meat, before getting put into the sauce. i am afraid to go into the kitchen now. my whole body is starting to feel numb.

as if my not being in the kitchen would save the poor galloping horse.

~ waves ~

I am sorry that this has affected you so.
I agree with you...I would not have been able to eat that.
I hope you were able to get a sandwich at some point in the evening....I didnot know that people ate horse meat.
I think that alot of us feel the same way about meats, that we would rather not think about how they are treated and processed, I believe if a lot more people attended a butcher house, that we would all be vegatarians
((((HUGS))))
bizi...(who eats alot of meat)

thank you Bizi.

it helps to know i am not the only one.

by the way it is not evening here yet. i will get some food don't worry. either i will wait till they are totally done, or go out. if i got a drink at the bar i could snack on their snacks but i cannot touch alcohol at this time or almost guaranteed i will get a kicka$$ migraine though. it is ironic: if i got a coke in the can, it would cost as much as a beer, but i don't think it counts as an aperitif / entitling me to the food.

i went to get coffee while dad was in the bathroom but he came out while i was microwaving my water, and stirred the pot... i hid behind the cupboard. there is a witch in my head that is telling me i should "grow up" but the other part of me is just cowering ... and that is the bigger part of me.

anyway i also sent my mother a text message (she is still out shopping) to make sure she knows i will not be eating with them and was very precise that i would not be at the table with them, and did not want any of their preparation left for me and that i would see to my own food before or after. the last thing i want to do is to have to argue about this.

i don't freak out when they eat rabbit because they have always eaten rabbit. in the past they would have me try it, but i have never liked it, so i don't eat it and nowadays i don't try it any more. besides the taste, it always bothered me a bit as i was used to seeing bunnies in pet stores... it is weird isn't it.

a former friend who did a program out in the wilderness (i forget the name) where they have to fend for themselves for like a month with only a pocketknife told me he never thought he would but... he got so hungry that at one point he saw a mouse out there and all he could think was FOOD. but he couldn't catch it (Yeah! Go Mouse! ) and ended up eating prickly pear. he does not recommend prickly pear, btw.

anyway thank you. your post was very reassuring - i do not feel so stupid and alone.



~ waves ~

That would appall you. I would be too.
I'll write later in the morning. Exhausted.

huge hugs....i would feel the same way. it is so unnessary.
love
bobby

thank you dear Bobby. how are you holding up these days?

by the way the meat is by no means a delicacy - it is actually cheaper/less prestigious meat and there is not a huge market for it, but it is available. in older times, esp. war, horses that would otherwise have been killed due to injury or whatever, were butchered - a matter of not letting edible meat go to waste. nowadays even though there is no food shortage, it may still be a holdover of avoiding "waste" ... i do not know.

what really gets me is a few weeks ago one of my parents said something about trying it again - they had it as children - well i said no way jose and heard nothing more about it. but mom acted surprised about my message tonight. and there are leftovers - enough was bought for me as well. i was not told or asked about dinner until i asked dad if he was making veggies, or i would not have known! and it was sausage! if my father had not mentioned what kind, i might not have known until half way through the meal!!!!

i respect that they can eat what they want. it makes me uncomfortable, but this subtle presumptive inclusion after i had said i would not part-take is downright upsetting! maybe they just forgot... i think i had just better assume that for my own peace of mind.

--------

i just talked to mom. seems like when they brought it up dad may have bought it already. i told her she needs to warn me next time when they plan it for dinner, because i only found out accidentally and i do not wish to accidentally get fed horse sausage (not obviously different by cut or appearance once cooked). she said they would have the leftovers next wednesday when i have therapy, as i will be coming home after dinner time. whew!

~ waves ~

thanks for the solidarity.

remember it is cultural. i mean, i don't if perhaps you are vegan, but i am not appalled by the eating of other meats. but i would be just as appalled about someone eating cats... and so would my horse eating mother!

i did not grow up here. i am not used to this. unlike my parents, i was born and bred in Anglo cultures, and i believe the horse is seen differently. i think precluded as possible food. even since they moved and i joined the parents here, they have not done this so it was a shock.

i still haven't eaten anything yet. i think i will have a banana for dinner. that feels safe. at least for starters. animals feel very psychologically unsafe right now. i am shaken.

~ waves ~