Dear Bobby,

I can see lots of reasons for not having a dog, but Dr. M. has been very good to you. He knows the studies that show having a dog helps people keep regular hours and so on.

I'm glad that one of the tests is book.

Do you feel relief about deciding to stay with Dr. M. for now?


M.

i don't get it Mari but i don't feel relief. i know i should but i hate dependency and i am so afraid of feeling dependent on anyone.
please give me a lot of reasons for not having a dog
i just got off the phone with an old boyfriend who i still love after all these years. i have know him for over forty years. he has been sending me loads of funny jokes, a lot off color and i haven't received any in a couple of weeks so i started worrying big time about Bob and if he is all right. we went on memory lane. i told him i still loved him after all these years. he asked me personal questions about our relationship and i told him that the bipolar really messed things up for us. i remember so clearly when i met him and how i immediately feel for him. he was so gorgeous. but his smile was what won me over big time. he still has that smile.
i got him to admit to this day he still loves me....it was such a nice call. he too told me i had to lose weight big time.
bobby

Dear Bobby,

I don't like dogs. I like them as long as they belong to others but I don't want any responsibility for them. Also, I know that I would get deeply deeply attached and become consumed with worry about the health of the dog and such. I have enough anxiety issues.
I'm not helpful -- sorry.

This might sound silly, but can you pretend that you have a dog and get dressed and go outside and walk twice a day? If I were forcing myself to do a new habit I might even take a leash with me and put it in my pocket / purse to remind myself that I am walking a dog.
In other words, if you cannot walk for yourself than walk for the pretend dog.
Sorry again. This sounds really dumb.

There is research that says that dogs are good.
Here is a news report:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6279701.stm

M.

A dog gives unconditional love. they pay attention to you and need your love in return. In any thing that we decide to do we take a risk. We risk loving something and then losing that love object. Pets only live so long...It hurts when the pass away but I still love having them in my life.
The love wins over the hurt.
This goes for people or pets.....

Dear Bobby,
That was a nice phone call -- it seems that it was.
So many people have dropped out of my life or been dropped by me.
This is great that you connect with people the way you do.

Take care of yourself. Know that you are valued.


(Any chance that Wellbutrin is causing the anger?"
How about taking Ritalin? Did you or someone here mention Ritalin?
Some pdocs are prescribing Ritalin to depressed patients.
I successfully took 10 mgs a day for several years but I got tired of the hassle with the scripts at the pharmacy and the rules for that med.


M.

I think the welbutrin could be making angry and hypomanic and showing wreckless behavior. I did try the ritalin to cut down the appetite and for two days on it i didn't have much of an appetite but all i wanted to do was die.
I don't want to get off of the welbutrin because it does give me energy even though i don't move around much. I had a pulmonary test yesterday in a hospital and saw my primary doctor in a hospital the day before. Both days a worker stopped me and because of my shortness of breath asked me if i needed help.. I forgot if i wrote it One asked if I wanted the e.r. who knows maybe they though i was having an asthma attack. I don't have asthma.
I have been in the strangest mood. It might be severe depression with anger. I finally got more than two hours of sleep last night. I probably wound up with five hours and plan to try to sleep more today. I am going on the Ornish diet. My doctor wouldnt even look at my atkins diet book and said it was the worse diet. Now I am eating pasta. All i feel like doing is eating pasta/ it is very satisfying.
last night i talked with my cheery visitor. I asked if she was going to stay with me for a while and she said for a long while. she is such a support. I think she knows what suffering is. I am suffering. My very close friend is really suffering now. Her husband has cancer of the thryoid but should be all right but all the pressures and demands of it and dealing with the doctors and the medications and probably more surgery. She has been my friend for more than forty years. I feel so useless because I can't help her. My bipolar is really acting up. I realize I could never have married anybody normal. even at close to sixty six I need excitement. The guy i have been seeing is so sweet and so nice but is so normal. I think I probably scare him. He gives me tons of compliments but he is finally seeing how my bipolar affects me and probably doesn't want a relationship or friendship I don't think he can handle it. what a bummer. I hate being bipolar even if i think it is a gift from God. It is sick. I am sick
Also my friend doesn't want me to get a dog and she helps with expenses so I can't get one. I can't go behind her back.
Bobby

The Ornish plan is good. It makes sense to docs because it is almost vegan, low fat, high fiber, low sugar, and so on:
http://www.webefit.com/Diets/Diet_Dean_Ornish.html

I'm curious what doc mentioned this one. Dr. M? The pulmonary guy?

I'm glad that you eat pasta and find it satisfying.
A good food plan needs to fit with your needs and make you happy.

I'm very glad that the pulmonary and the cardio guys checked you out and that you are fine.
You can get greatly improve the shortness of breath by walking or doing other exercise three times a week for two weeks. After that you can increase more.

~ You can even walk in place to a DVD in your own home. Amazon has some DVDs of Leslie Sansone doing walking.

~ I've seen people on the internet discussing Nintendo video games for walking and other exercises (Wii Fit)
http://www.nintendo.com/games/detail...Pyud4Kyy393oep
You can interact with the the machine: bowling, baseball, balance games,

~ I bought a pedometer from Amazon for under $20.00. Hubby put the batteries in it, looked at it, and handed it back to me. Neither one of us is sure what to do with it. I suppose I will have to look at the manual to figure it out.
I can see how some people might like knowing their daily number of steps and such so I might give it a try.

When I was young I used to keep track of all kind of things in journals and diaries so keeping track of daily steps I take could be a motivator. I'll let you know!

I don't think you want a dog now. You would have gotten one. You've talked about it and thought about it and pretty much decided against it.

But you don't need a dog to walk. You can walk for yourself.
I wonder if something is holding you back from walking.
Maybe you have already thought through whatever it is.

Bobby, find ways to nurture yourself through self talk or other things.
I want you to feel better.


M.

"I wonder if something is holding you back from walking. " I don't know what is holding me back. I need to fill some prescriptions but am waiting for Maria to come so she will go to the pharmacy a little more than a block away. Ican do it but somehow I find myself stuck in my apartment. I don't even like being in my apartment but i have these fears. yesterday when i went to have the testing i was so loquacious.. the cab driver was thirty and he told me he wanted 12 children and his wife was twenty. i was as friendly as he. then a guy who was being tested flirted with me......even a handy man in my building after i gave him a compliment asked why don't we get it on kiddingly ....i told him i was too old...what do i do isolate myself and wish for death.
my primary doctor told me that ornish's diet had the highest recommendation. i did spend over two months walking with Robert and Mickey but showed little endurance build up. that is when robert started pressuring me to go to a cardiologist and have an echocardiogram to see if i needed stents. he got me so anxious i gained about fifteen pounds more...............i don't think i would use the dvds ..i feel so stuck
i am so f%^ked up.
bobby really suffering

I am sorry that you are suffering bobby.
((((((HUGS))))))

bizi

thank you. i can't believe it but i am feeling worse. i guess i have to wait it out
bobby