I always knew I was the "pants in the relationship" but I have been made aware through my sponsor and therapist, that I am controlling a situation. I asked my husband to go to a meeting with me where I picked up a significant marker of time chip and my sponsor said, I was controlling.

I just want him to see the process of what I am going through. Is that to much to ask?

I have been wrestling around with the idea that I need to lose the control aspect of my behavior and let go.

I try to be proactive in my heathcare, because I have to be.

I am feeling at a loss right now because I am depressed in a mixed state of up and down and from one hour to the next I have no idea what is going on, and I don't have substance (alchohol) to control the up and down.

Does anyone else experience controlling behavior?

I just realized I have no idea what I am talking about. The topic was controlling behavior. Does anyone know how to try to let go?

Hi,

I have no answer to your question. In my opinion though, you wanting your husband to go to a milestone meeting is not controlling. My soon to be ex-husband was controlling and he did it by isolating me, and making sure I had little money. I am unaware of other forms of controlling and from what you described it doesn't sound controlling to me. Perhaps getting your therapist to go further into it? I argued with my therapist last time until she had me understand her.

befuddled2

Dear Nuttybuddy,

Congrats on the time chip!!


This is what little I know about controlling. My parents are both controllers. And so am I. Lately I have become less so.

Controlling is related to codependency.
It is also something that AA people/sponsors would be very sensitive to.

I guess if you invited your husband that is one thing.
I gues if you insisted after he said no it is another thing.

But we/I can't make generalizations based on one event.


It's not too much to ask. I wish he wanted to be with you for this occassion.

You can do this without the alchohol. Stay on track. You are doing well even if you don't feel like you are right now.
Mari

Hi,
Cog Beh Therapy can help with this.
So can meditation.
Here are some links.

Also remember that there is a broad range in behavior. Some people are very controlling. Some are a little controlling. A little might be good sometimes.

And well, we learn behaviors like this when we are young -- in other words we learn at the feet of our parents.
I think that in some cases (my Mom) it is related to anxiety and ocd.
Mari

How to Stop Being Controlling
http://www.ehow.com/how_13300_stop-controlling.html

Dr. Phil Stop Being Controlling and Critical
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/93

Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt To Control?
http://www.familyresource.com/lifest...ling-behavior-

I have been called a "control freak" many a times before....
I am trying to not be one....
TRYING to let go of that...
let me know if you have any insight....
thanks
bizi


thanks for the postings Mari.

Nutty some times some of us have to have control because someone does....
They get to decide the good stuff they want to control, like when to have fun. I get to have control of all the dull work stuff....
So, stuck in control...Now how was that for confusing, but I felt great saying it.

Oh, I don't know about the chip, but sounds like a trap to say one is a controlling person just because they want the floor to speak uninturrupted about an issue inportant to them.

Who kept the family timely, packed and feed, healthy and safe on vacation?
You rock
Your a mom you get to have control, just think back to our grandmother how homes were run.
Di

I was always putting other first, still do to a certain extent but have decided for my well being it can't happen as much anymore.

I am learning to say no and learning to make others see how important some things are to me and sometimes now I get the label controlling.

You can do this without the alcohol. I know how hard it is. Even though I've never had a problem with alcohol, I know how hard it is. Both my grandfathers were alcoholics, one died due to it. My dad's brother also.

I saw him sober for over 20 years and saw how hard it was for him at first, it got easier, but he said sometimes it would come back. He went back to it and within 6 months his liver gave out and he was gone. Now his son, my cousin, is fighting it. I hope he wins. At least we had my uncle for 20 years more than we would have if he hadn't been sober for that time.

HUGGS