thank you mari,
I think I have a handle on it now...reining it in myself...it is just she has already said that I need to deal with this....that I can't rely on meds to fix my behavior.
I just asked jeff if he felt I was hypomanic and he said no.....
I can't explain my behavior last nite....it was childish, ignoring my responsibilty to myself the adult self and rewarding the child self,(escapism in this fantasy twilight book) the pleasure seeking child....does that make any sense?
bizi

Beth,
Yes, I see that you are rattled about this.

It does not make any sense to me that you beating yourself up.

You still need to call the pdoc and let her know that the past two days have been more intense in this regard than usual. Make sure she knows how you feel tonight. You can read / fax your post to her. She might not make any changes, but you need to be on record about what is going on.

Does your pdoc talk to you about adult self and child self?
Are those the things that she is working on with you?


M.

Yes we have talked about different developmental stages that I seem to be stuck in emotionally.
She thinks I am stuck in the adolescent stage......
bizi
When I get hypomanic I retreat/revert back to earlier stages of development....(not adult behaviors)

Dear Beth,

I'm sending lots of hugs and good thoughts

I hope that you feel better.

M.

dear beth
i do think you need increases in medication in periods like this. the same way with my depression but i would rather trade. yours sounds like so much more fun but they are both very dangerous. I am so afraid you are putting yourself in harm's way and don't realize it. during these times your judgment is impaired but it seems so innocent nobody takes it serious. TAKE IT SERIOUS.
WE WANT YOU TO TAKE THE BEST CARE OF YOURSELF. CERTAIN TIMES WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES
FONDLY
BOBBY

Bizi, it is good that you can be objective enough to know that something is wrong at a time when you can still rein yourself in - as my pdoc says that can keep a lot of trouble away.
If Jeff doesn't think there is much wrong, things can't be that bad.
Sometimes if there is an event that sends one into a high, the sheer momentum continues for quite a while, and then suddenly everything goes into a tailspin. May be you've reached that stage now.
Call and see your pdoc asap and meanwhile self observe. You seem to be good at that.

Thank you bobby, The problem is that I am already at the highest dose of meds on these particular meds. So there really is not any lee way, other than a medication change, different meds which I am unwilling to try something new when I see this as behavioral.
Thank you isis yes I am aware of subtle changes but can get completely out of whack when I "decide" to do something really stupid like I did 18 months ago....make myself get off sleeping pills(ambien), make myself try to get back to a regular sleep cylce...I did not sleep really for 4 months and finally asked pdoc for some klonipin which did the trick. My mania turned into an awful dysphoria/mixed mood...it was terrible. I was so against getting back on a benzo but klonipin has fewer side effects than ambien so I felt better about that.

OK I just got off the phone with my pdocs office, left a message telling them that i was dealing with alittle hypomania and wanted them to know that....that I thought I was doing ok but wanted them to know about it.

bizi

Bizi

I see you doing some self evaluating. I am not sure its so bad a thing.
Yes you are worried because you have been enjoying yourself.

But I also think at times in our life's when these times are available
they are necessary.

One thing I would suggest you do is sit down. Figure out if maybe
you are trying to avoid doing something. Because in my opionion
a adolescent that starts overdueing things, and say doesn't do homework
is doing just that.

And its fixable.

I am proud of you to tell you the truth, you know its going on.

Donna

Dear Beth,

Do you have a tool box of calming techniques?
Get a massage? Do gardening? Spend time with the kitties?
Get extra sleep?
Things like that?

Mari