Thnak you coffee girl
I run a bit below hypo mania and can recognize when I am getting off kilter. Hubby can not.
so it is my responsibilty to sensor myself.
sometimes I do well other times I don't.
when I get hypo I get indulgent. and reactive. over eating drinking impulsive, wreckless. all very childish behaviors....I apoligise alot when I behave this way.The last time this happened I had taken myself off ambien and did not sleep for 4 months...not good.
I take klonipin to sleep now and do fairly well with it.
though I am still drinking quite a bit which interfers with my sleeping.
sigh
I hope you are well.
bizi

Dear Bizi,
I don't see this as childish. I see this as hypo -- which is part of bipolar and not related to being childish or self indulgent.
You need to have 2 serious conversations with your tdoc and pdoc.

They seem to be blaming you for not taking enough responsibility.

Does either one of them understand bipolar?
This is so totally not your fault. You have taken responsibility by seeking them out for treatment.

M.

I am sorry if I have the wrong impression about my health care team, yes my pdoc tells me that I have to deal with my behavior that meds won't fix everything, tells me to call her when I need her and my tdoc is very supportive....i think they understand bipolar....?
The excessive drinking is an acting out sort of thing. So was over eating
I am the one judging myself.
When I am hypo I can act like a 2 year old......acting out, lashing out if you will. pleasure seeking, getting over stimulated, too much computer, too much....I over drank last night and could not sleep, I knew that I had an appointment not until late in the day. and jeff did not get home until 6am! I was still awake. He had a great trip over all. I am tired this morning should try to get some more sleep. Think I will try.
bizi

Dear Bizi,
I don;t understand, but that's ok. You are happy with the care that the pdoc and tdoc give you.
I'm just wishing that you could be less hard on yourself.

I'm sorry that you stayed up all night . . . . I am happy that Jeff is home now.

Mari

yesterday, my girl friend nicole called again, she had called several times over the weekend checking up on me(she knows that I don't do well when jeff is away) and I had not called her back. (bad friend)
so by the time that I spoke to her. She was a little mad that I had not called her back especially since I had not been doing well.
her husband works off shore and when he is in I know to not interupt because they always are doing something, are busy, I told her that I did not want to bother her since kevin was home and she said that I could have come spent the night....that it did not matter that she was there to support me when I needed her.
I apoligized to her and cried alittle, she is such a good friend, I should have called her back.....Her little girl gillian turns 4 this weekend...I got her some dinasaurs, with a train track...hope she likes them!
Yes I am glad tht jeff is home, I slept great last night.
He was very happy how the trip went....so I was happy for him.
I don't have any clients for today....makes me nervous, only had one yesterday.....and many of my regular clients have passed away so I need to do something to drum up some business...one of the doctors that I requested orders from asked to see my credentials, that got me in a flury. I hope he doesn't want to report me or something, maybe he would like to refer some of his patients to me. I sent him all of my training certificates, rn license, resume and liability paperwork...so we will see if he signs my orders or not.
We went out to eat to celebrate jeffs birthday yesterday with some friends at the texas steak house, I had their ribs, they were so good.
thank you for your support.
I really have not learned many tools to help me out of situations when I get stuck....I should work on that.
Well actually I know them I just don't do them....

bizi

Bizi:

You have a great business that is unique. Going to doctors that you know/etc. will definitely help build up your cliental. What you do is very unique and soothing for older people/etc.

You are very hard on yourself. It sounds like you understand the signs when you get hypomanic. That is a good thing. It is awesome you are taking care of yourself with eating right and exercise. You give everyone here a lot of hope and inspiration.

Your friend is very caring and she seems to understand you. It is okay to forget things; it is life and that happens. It doesn't mean you are less of a friend/etc. You are busy and have a lot on your mind. It is hard when your DH/boyfriend is away. I too, have problems sleeping when my DH is gone. My pdoc also prescribed Ambien. I absolutely hate to take that med. It does weird things to me and I feel so drugged when I wake up the next morning.

Hang in there! I don't know you and alot of others here but one thing I do know: You and everyone here are very caring people.

Hugs

Coffeegirl

WEll I see my pdoc this morning....not sure what I will tell her.
Have been obcessing over things in general, work relationship with hubby, my business. I also have not been taking my geodon with food, I did not like how it made me feel. I am a little paranoid and jumpy. Have great friend support thru this time....my face has been breaking out more than normal and I have been picking at it....my nose is red and I hate that...trying to put cover up on it...
sigh
bizi

sounds like what you posted is a good start on what to tell her.

see what she makes of it and go from there.

remember you don't have to accept any meds that you feel will be bad for you (like prozac). you are the patient - but also the client.

~ waves ~

I did not tell her any of this.......
sigh

Dear Bizi

i am sorry you didn't get to tell her this.

i read about your visit... it got completely derailed...

when are you suppoesd to see her next? could you make an earlier appointment and tell her you need to cover issues that were prempted last visit? doesn't seem like a good idea to wait months on these things....

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~