Not being able to half way see is starting to drive me insane. It is so hard to be on the computer which is my life line. I hate T.V. and it seems that no one is calling me because I am down and out and who likes to be part of that? If some people can't have you when a person is up and doing good they sure don't want you when your down. I want to get drunk on one hand but I know that will only spell trouble. I've already getting low on my Ativan from taking that every day the past week. I don't want to take any more of that even and get in a medication haze. I've thought about smoking a cigarette but even that won't help me. The walls are coming down on me and it's comparable to being in seclusion for the past week. It is unsafe for me to drive so here I sit alone as usual. I don't know any of my neighbors to go see them. I just called up a so called friend and told her she can stop ignoring my calls becasue I don't want her to take me anywhere. Every time I get down and out she ignores my calls. I can't see good enough to read so I am a prisoner in my own body. I can't sleep away the day.

barbara

Dear Barbara,

hang in there.

i can hear how hard this is for you. remember things will get better. this is temporary. whatever is going on, a solution will be found.

i am really proud of you for holding out against having a drink or a smoke. these are the hardest times to hold out on those types of things.

i am sorry your real life friends are not supportive.

i am wishing you continued strength.

~ waves ~

Barb

How about a hobby. I realize you usually take pictures.

But are there other things you enjoy doing.

Donna

Dear Barbara, I am sorry that you are going thru all of this.
sorry that your friends are ignoring you too.
you see the eye doctor tomorrow?
I will be thinking of you...
stay strong!
bizi

Dear Barbara,
I wish you good news on Wednesday.
Let us know how the appt goes.

M.

Hey there !!!

You like to paint too right ??

Today you were going to the doc right ?? Let us know !!!

I think most retinal problems are solved with laser during minutes, so, I hope that was your case and now you are resting and taking it easy...

Hang in there. Everything is going to be fine.

Thinking about you.

hi Barbara, i've been thinking about you today. I hope everything goes well. I will check back for an update from you.

~ waves ~

Things got really bad yesterday not long after I posted that I was losing it. My friend Bobby called me yesterday afternoon and told me off because he believes something people were saying about me in Hanks that was not true. He would not give me a chance to speak in my defense before he hung up. I went ballistic and drove to Hanks and confronted the people in there and it was not a pretty situation. Of course they did not want to tell the truth and just toyed with me. I went to my hang out Patricks after Hanks and cried like a baby there and was comforted in there by real people. I thought I wanted to die at a point cause I felt so upset but I could not give the people in Hanks the satisfaction of doing that to me. I kept calling Bobby up about a dozen times to yell and scream at him in his voice mail. I was so hurt and mad. I got kicked when I was at my lowest point already.

I had to rescheduel the eye appointment for tomororw cause someone called the cab company and told them they were me and that I didn't need a ride after all. One of the ladies in Hanks had asked me Monday what cab company I used so I'm sure it was one of them that canceled my ride in the cab to the eye doctor. today I called the owner of Hanks and spoke to him about the situation and in our 1st conversation he stuck up for the people at Hanks until I called him back and asked for the other owner of Hanks. It was not long after that that he called me back and told me he talked to the waitress in there and told her to leave her drama outside of the restuarant.

I've firgured out how to increase the font in my browser so being onine is not as bad any longer.

how despicable that someone would cancel your cab ride! my goodness! and all this gossipy stuff... yuck, what horrific timing. i hope you and Bobby sort things out... i think you will though... you seem to have been through these kinds of things before, and things have worked out. at this point i would wait until he calls you back to talk though. but i would not worry. i believe he will, when the dust settles.

i'm so sorry about this horrific day. thank goodness you got some comfort at the other hangout, and well done getting things somewhat sorted with the owners of Hanks since one of the troublemakers is a waitress... i thought it was customers. but a waitress. how unprofessional.

sigh. well tomorrow is another day. once again, i must commend you for having pulled through. i am continuing to send you good thoughts, for tomorrow. i hope you can rest up well tonight.

glad you got your browser to cooperate to enlarge fonts for you too

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

I am sorry barbara, that sounds jsut awful.
I hate getting upset and it hurts....
I am glad that you were able to get your font better.
((((HUGS))))
bizi