bobby, that is interesting what you said about a 2 year old asserting themselves to figure out what they don't like.
bizi

just wondering
 

Dear Mari,

are you feeling any better? have the headache and paresthesia resolved now? agitation? did you manage to talk to pdoc about what happened?

anyway i hope that you are able to get some good snoozies in this weekend.
sending you z-vibes... :Zzzz::Zzzz::Zzzz:

:hug:

~ waves ~

Hello!
 

Mari,
Just checking in on you! I was wondering how you have been doing! I hope your sleep problem becomes resolved for you, must be very hard on you! You feel better!!!!!!!!!!!

collinsc:hug:

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi:hug:

Thanks.
I'm struggling but I'm doing what I can to manage.
M.

Sending you hugs dear Mari. :hug: :hug: :hug:

You can do this. Keep strong ! time to time.

Hope things can solve soon.

I hope you were able to sleep today....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

How are things now.

Donna

anxiety is back
 

Hi,

That anger likely caused by the Lexapro is finally gone.

Now I have regular anger.
I had off work about a week.
Today was hard: very little sleep, . . .


Two more days until Friday.
And Friday is huge.


The rhythm of not sleeping with three long days in a row is hard..
I did not think I scheduled these three days very well.
I might not sleep until Saturday.

=-=-

I had to talk on the phone to two people I have never dealt with. God bless them for pretending to understand me. One person asked me to send him an email of what I just told him (some info important to him). At first I was annoyed having to do extra work, but now I can't blame him.

M.

I am so sorry you are going through this. What are you taking for the anxiety.? My anger lasted for over four months and then it seemed to disappear. I don't know how long you have been angry. Is it anger or frustration or a mixture? Are you free this summer or do you still have work you have to do? Is there some safe haven ahead to look forward to? Do people ask you to repeat yourself a lot or are you being too self conscious?
I just feel so badly for you. You have so much on your plate.
Can you do anything special for yourself? That is a lot of sleep deprivation. Is it going to make you paranoid?
bobby

Dear Bobby,
I think I will be freer soon but I will have work to do off an on this summer. Right now it is on. I'm leading two big projects that I am supposed to wrap up soon.

Sometimes when I am tired and would up, people ask me to repeat myself. Other times, when I am paying attention to my speaking I do fine. I'm not sure of the guy on the phone. Maybe he was just trying to be extra careful about the info. Maybe he heard me fine.

I don't think I get paranoid. I certainly get wound up and agitated.
I use lots of self talk to convince myself that I am doing fine.

M.

I slept two hours. Now to go to work.
M.

Dear Mari, I hope that maybe you can come home and get a nap.
Emailing does make alot of sense to make sure they understand what the expectations are.
I feel for you, sorry that you are haiving to work this summer...some how I thought you would have timeoff.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I too though you would have the summer off. I hope you will not have much pressure during the summer. If i miss three days sleep in a row I start getting a bit paranoid.... I thought it went with the territory. I am so glad about your speech. I have to concentrate on my speech too... Now I even have to concentrate on making it sound up rather than a flat tone. ugh
that is interesting about self talk...you mean pep talk or telling yourself you can get through whatever you have to do?
bobby

Dear Mari

:hug::hug::hug:

i hope those projects are over and done with before you know it. i don't know how you get through - i really admire you.

tomorrow is a big day for you... i will be thinking of you and rooting for you.

afterwards it will be saturday and you can sleep.

at least i hope you will be able to sleep!

~ waves ~

Friday: a day long meeting with lunch brought in
 

Hi,
I napped from 7:00 pm to 9:30 pm tonight. I need to take my meds and try to go to bed soon ---- and maybe wash clothes and self.


I have been working closely with a second team lately in addition to my usual team.

Today I saw how others are struggling. Tomorrow I will go in and focus on helping to set a tone so that we can leave at the end of the day feeling good about each other and ourselves.

That will be my goal. Having this goal will keep me focused.

M.

yuck i hate those day long dealies where you can't even escape somewhere else for lunch. i get restless, antsy and whatnot. not to mention usually BORED.

but yours sounds like a really good goal. :) you take good care of your people. you are an excellent leader.

i hope you can get some more rest in before work tomorrow. tomorrow today whatever ... friday. ;) (it's 5 am here but i haven't gone to bed yet - am tired but too revved. :rolleyes:)

~ waves ~

Mari, you are a good leader.
You honestly care for people....I admire you too.
bizi

Bizi,
I have a semi-administrative role that takes up much more of my time and attention than the teaching. I love teaching. Admin stuff, not so much. I think my friend who has been in cancer treatments for 11 months is ready to take on some of my admin role. He was good with me today.


Lines from movies that I had to use today to express myself:

Gump: Sometimes, I guess there just aren't enough rocks. -- from Forest Gump

Ned: Sometimes the sht comes down so heavy I feel like I should wear a hat. -- from Body Heat

I need more hopeful lines for tomorrow.

M.

is there a way you can get out of administrative work totally? that sounds like a good way of getting rid of a lot of stress.
bobby

Yes.
I'm phasing myself out of it.
Mari

THAT IS UTTERLY FANTASTIC..how long do you think it will take...it will also probably take a strong will because you are so used to people leaning on you. If you just taught, do you think your life would be a lot easier and more pleasant?
bobby

I am happy for you mari!

i hope your friday went well, Mari.

i am kinda curious what lines from movies if any you came up with today! :D i liked yesterday's.

:hug:

~ waves ~

i am so sorry you have to deal with them...as if life isn't tough enough
bobby

Thanks, Bobby
 

Dear Bobby,



My parents are so horrible. . . .Self involved. . . .Controlling even now.


And part of me really wants to get over the bad parenting. The other parts wants to stay angry and sad for a while for no other reason than "just because."


M.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug:
Mari
Thinking of you
You are a special person,
di

I don't think we can ever get over the bad parenting but once they die we have a chance of not bleeding as much. pretty negative right....as long as you can stay angry at least you won't carry around the deep depression that they can currently cause. I don't think anybody can understand unless they have lived through a similar situation and know how unstable they make the world we live in. geez my mother hurt me even after she died. i had such a relief when she died because i thought she was no longer able to hurt me...ha
bobby

less angry. sad still.
 

Hi,
I nearly made myself sick since Sat night when I found out a cousin who has been ill for a long time had died. I did not have contact information for his sisters or my aunt and uncle -- and my parents would not talk to me about the death.

No only would they not talk about it AT ALL, they wanted to talk about their own trip recent travels and their trip to see me in Sept. They are really quite obnoxious.
My father was directed by one of his cousins to pass on the contact info and he took his time. He still has not contacted three other relatives or my older brother -- people he was asked to contact because the family trusted him with the tasks.


I looked at pictures on-line of a big family reunion in 2003 where most of us looked happy enough. I talked to my sis and one brother on the phone. Hubby helped a little.

Eventually, my father and mom emailed some contact info to me and I wrote out a sympathy card for the widow and her daughters and put a check in the envelope. Hubby will mail it tomorrow.

I missed one cousin on the phone a couple of times --- but Sunday was the viewing and Monday will be the funeral so they are all busy. I'll be able to talk to her eventually. Talking will help me. Maybe it will help her too.

I hope my cousin who died had some peace in his life. I hope that was the case.

M.

i hope it can stay sad and not go into a depression....they seem to be on a different planet.
so sorry
bobby

Mari
So sorry to hear about the passing of your cousin.

And also the way your parents handled it.

Donna

Dear Mari

i'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your cousin i too hope he had some peace in his life.

that is really sad how your parents are (not) dealing with it and being so unhelpful overall.

i hope you are able to talk to you your other cousin soon and that it provides some comfort for both of you. it is nice that she has been reaching out to you.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Dear Mari
 

Dear Mari,
sending cooperative thoughts to you and your cousin...hopefully there will be some healing....
obviously your paents handle deaths differently.
It does not help when they avoid/procrastinate their responsibilities.
You are letting them come for a visit again....I am sorry you have to deal with that.....

sleepy / not sleepy
 

I'm trying hard to stay up. I've been sleepy enough since 5:00 pm to fall asleep at any moment
This is ridiculous.
Staying awake is counerproductive.

M.

i am so sorry you are going through this rebellion? hope you can catch up later on some sleep later
bobby

fake retirement lunch
 

All of a sudden my week got busy:

-lots of appointments sandwiched in with other stuff
-luncheon at work that I have to go to. The boss fired 4 people and now we have a retirement lunch for 3 of them. A friend asked me to speak a few lines and hand a trophy for one of the 3.

I'm tempted to say something not very nice.

M.

ugh!
((((HUGS))))
bizi

anxious and agitated
 

I have to see pdoc on Wed.
It is the follow up to the Lexapro disaster last month.


I'm feeling overwhelmed with tdoc, acupuncuturist, and other stuff I have to do this week. I think I accidentally scheduled somebody for the same day. . . 'Will have to fix that in the am.


I really really want to stay home with the door locked and the phones off for about two months. I need peace.


I don't feel well and I am not up to dealing with anyone.

M.

Dear Mari

i am sorry you are feeling so bad. i wish you could have some time off. :hug::hug::hug:

i am sorry about your coworkers getting fired too. and the 'retirement' lunch for them. they know you didn't fire them. maybe you can say something to encourage them in their future endeavors. perhaps wishing them a job where they will be appreciated and valued as they deserve to be (heheh that will be a dig for your boss...) if i am understanding the situation right.

~ waves ~