[Mrs. Bear]

http://www.slate.com/id/2159840/?GT1=9129

Um yah. OK.

Dear Prudence on MSN. Wow. How long do we have to deal with stigma and prudjudice? How is her response ok? What the heck does it have to do with manners either? sigh

[Curious]

that chick needs some serious education on bipolar...and i expect any mental health issues. sheesh.

[mymorgy]

I wish she had written that most bipolar people are responsible and would never have done what his wife did with him. Most would do full disclosure before marrying somebody. I think that is what is wrong with the article.
Because she neglected that, it is a d@@ning article against bipolars. I think because of our own suffering, we are one of the most giving and empathic people around and are not sociopathic.
Bobby
ps on most forums there are fights etc but on this forum only support and information....and true friendships and such real giving....

[befuddled2]

I'm speechless.

befuddled2

[Nikko]

I too am speechless, people just do not understand.


Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Nikko

[Curious]

let's educate them.

since the link is posted here...this thread might come up on searches.

if any group can turn such a negative into a postive...i know y'all can.

for those who don;t click on links here is the article:

Dear Prudence,
I was married a year and a half ago, after a probably too-brief courtship, to a woman who soon after the wedding was diagnosed as bipolar. I later discovered she had a previous history of mental illness that she had concealed from me. I feel as if I'm living with an emotional terrorist—I never know where or when the next bomb is going to go off. She is now on medication and things have gotten better, but better still isn't good. Intimacy, partnership, and equality are no longer real possibilities. We haven't slept in the same bed for over a year. Yes, we've tried counseling, and no, nothing improved. My wife is also financially irresponsible and routinely bounces checks. I discovered that she had tens of thousands of dollars in defaulted debt. I know that anyone reading this letter is going to say, "It's been less than two years, you were lied to, get out while you're still sane." But I feel tremendously guilty over the idea of abandoning someone who is mentally ill, and who in all likelihood could not survive on her own financially. Yet I also feel that I can't live the rest of my life trapped like this. I just need an impartial voice to tell me that if I end it, I'm not going to be condemned to hell for needing to move on in order to survive. If you're that voice, please speak up now. If you think I'm evading my responsibilities, please let me know.
—Torn
Dear Torn,
You're not going to be condemned to hell—you're already there. Bipolar disorder is a terrible illness, though fortunately it can be treated and controlled. But your wife sounds as if she's a long way from stability, if she will ever get there. At the least, she was obligated to disclose her mental and financial history to you. She didn't, so your marriage began in deceit. You say your survival is at stake here, so the question is not staying or going—it's how you go while doing the least damage to a woman you cared for enough to marry. You should discuss with both a therapist and a lawyer your desire to help her make the transition back to being on her own. And while you're talking to that therapist, try to figure out how you entered into a marriage with a virtual stranger.
—Prudie

[Just Jacquie]

Good idea, Curious! YIKES !!! is the first thing that comes to mind when reading that letter, and the reply. It sounds like Torn has already basically made up his mind, and just wants validation and to be told he shouldn't feel guilty about getting OUT. The reply was equally outrageous - Prudence needs to be told, in no uncertain terms that NOT ALL BIPOLAR PEOPLE ARE THAT OUT OF CONTROL, AND THERE ARE MANY WHO LEAD LONG, SUCCESSFUL LIVES, WITH THE HELP OF MEDICATION!! It sounds like Torn's wife was off her meds more than she was on, and he is writing about the result.

[Curious]

first off he states that she was dx'ed AFTER they got married.

he also says that she had concealed a past histery of "mental illness". what was it? depression? she wasn't on meds...so it might have been situational...like after a death or a loss.

sorry, but i didn't tell my hubby about every illness i took meds for in the past. i'm not trying to make light of her past illness. but it might not be something that really played a part of her life when they were dating or when they got married...or have anything to do with her dx of bipolar.

and you are so right jaqcuie.

what if his wife was dx'ed with cancer? diabetits? would he want out then too?

[Jomar]

The more important question is why did he and she marry before they each really knew the other?


And while you're talking to that therapist, try to figure out how you entered into a marriage with a virtual stranger.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by jo55

The more important question is why did he and she marry before they each really knew the other?

Hi Jo,
I'm guessing that he married her when she was hypo manic.
Yeah, he left out the part about what he thinks a marriage is.
Mari