Dear Bobby,
How are you?


I sometimes claim knowledge of fate. (I don't know anything but sometimes I feel better thinking that I do.)
Maybe Luc was 1) meant to come into your life, and 2) meant to be with you for a very short time. Maybe his stay with you happened exactly as it was supposed to --- you got to experience the joy of sharing space with him and then the sadness of sending him to his next space.

At any rate, did you go back to the senior center this week?

Mari

i am not doing too great. i am dreading the weekend. my tv just broke so my friend robert picked out a tv for me and i ordered it last night. my computer sound disappeared and it turned out to be a software problem which robert worked on and fixed....I should feel so blessed to have robert.
I am so depressed. The volunteer Margery who calls me every week said that a thousand animals wouldn't give me what i need...more people in my life. I am still so isolated. I do have close friends but they don't live near me. Only one do i speak to on the phone every day. I really get depressed after I speak with Margery because I enjoy our hour phone calls so much and then I know I have to wait a week to speak to her again. She told me there are agencies where the mentally ill counsel the mentally ill. I thought that was interesting.
My four month friendship is fizzling out with somebody and that is also getting me sad. It is so hard to make friends.,,,,especially at this age.
I went to the senior center again and forced myself to go to the fitness class and then had lunch there. I met another woman but we hardly talked. She didn't look sixty either. I might force myself to go today for lunch because they are having fish and that doesn't go too much against the diet.
yesterday they had mediation and games but couldn't force myself to go. what a fool. I am so lonely and this place is half a block away and free. lunches are only two dollars.
Margery said i have to go through the grief of losing Luc before I start recovering. I still am crying a lot over his loss but occasionally feel happy at the thought of him having the time of his life in his new home. I got so attached to him in such a short time. Margery was trying to convince me that I am not being selfish when at times I still want him with me. She said it is normal. I guess another lesson to learn.
I also don't feel particularly useful and wish I could start feeling useful again. I feel sort of pathetic eeks
bobby

Dear Bobby,

Ask Margery if shes know how you could find out more about agencies that help the mentally ill counsel each other.

Your city probably has drop in centers for people with MI. Mine does. I met someone who had a job running one. It was in a building attached to a hospital. It's a free safe place for people to go during that day. It gets people out of the house and with other people.

I hope that you went to the senior center again. It is hard to force ourselves in the beginning but eventually, going the the center could become a good routine / habit.

Does it matter to you what they serve at the lunch?
Depending on whatever diet I am on, I have food restrictions. Right now I am not eating wheat or gluten and have not had any since Dec. 09. This means I can't eat most food at restaurants or gatherings. I carry yogurt with me.
Maybe you can carry nuts or something with you and have soup or skip the meal entirely.
There are probably other people there on food restrictions of some sort.

You might feel useful when you see more people.

Do you know about this site: http://www.meetup.com/
You find your city and your interest -- for example, bipolar or whatever.

I imagine that the senior center is more structured and organized. For me that would be easier than a meet up, but meet up is an option.

M.

i will ask Margery more about it nex thursday. I did look up one agency but it didn't seem to have mental illness.
the ornish diet is vegetarian but at the carter burden center they have the option of having veggie burgers everyday. I went again today and talked to two people. One guy came all the way from columbia on the upper west side...geez....he came for the salmon which I ate. I gave him my cookie which came instead of fruit. I did get on the scale and found out I haven't gained back weight. Also found out my tv wasn't broken. Was told to not accept the delivery when UPS delivers it. Hope the doorman doesnt goof up.
Never heard of meetup...looked it up. didn't see anything. I know they have bipolar groups but all the way downtown.
i guess i will force myself to go to the center more and hopefully it will become a habit. i know it was good for me to get out of my apartment and i seem to be friendly once I am out of the four walls. I can't shut my mouth that I am bipolar. I mention that i gained 100 pounds since in past ten years from medication and then am asked what medication and it spills out...i must threaten people...sh@t..
bobby
oh ornish diet limits fat to 10 percent so no nuts
drop in centers sound dangerous.....in nyc...for really people in deep need but not for socializing but for providing basic necessities....

Dear Bobby,
I like that your lunch mate come for the salmon.
Would these snacks be ok on the Ornish plan?
~~~fruit and vegetables, and grains

Are crackers OK?

Yes, the drop ins would depend on the neighborhood and how needy a person might feel.

That's interesting that you discuss your weight and the conversation ends up being about bipolar. Whenever I see some one who has gained weight I assume it is about meds they might be on --- cortizone, insulin, lyrica, for example.
Maybe it is good that you are talking about bipolar.
Has anyone ever felt uncomfortable when you mention bipolar?

Mari

all those would be fine on the ornish diet unless the crackers had fat in them.
you can have as much fruit as you wish.
I really don't know if the people get uncomfortable hearing about bipolar. They were seated so they couldn't walk away lol.....sometimes i think i am a one woman educational machine on bipolar II. I don't know how much it costs me. Today I had Maria separate my tee shirts since I am going out more.
I have some grease stains on some of them and will do a search on the net to see what is recommended to take them out. since I am "mentally ill" I decided I had better be extra careful now the way I dress when I go outside-i don't sit at a table when i eat. i guess i am going to have to break some hard habits. I eat roman style usually.
I wonder if seniors are more accepting of mental illness than others since they have faced more things usually...or maybe they have had it with problems....who knows but maybe I will gradually now find out
bobby

Dear Bobby

i understand about not feeling useful i don't feel useful either. people tell me we are worthy even if we don't feel useful... but somehow that doesn't help. fwiw i just want you to know i feel privileged to know you and so glad you are in my life... thank you for being in my life and thank you for being you.

love

~ waves ~

and I have to say bobby that i am so happy that you have come back here and starting posting again...that you trust us again to share.
so thank you for that.
love bizi

oh waves
you are so useful. you have helped me so much.i am so appreciate...you are so bright and so creative and so good and so kind....but i can understand why you dont feel useful either. last night i spent an hour and half on the phone listening to a close friend's problems. Her parents are aged and her mother is totally out of it....She doesn't want her mother in a nursing home. The attendants are awful. She also has an 1 1/2 commute to work which is freelancing now. She was fired from her last job. Last night I felt useful. Of course I could hardly sleep after that and this morning I have been weepy...and to think for seven years I couldn't cry. I am certainly making up for it...
how can we feel useful? do we have such high standards for ourselves that if we are not climbing mt everest we are total failures? How can we feel good about ourselves without harming ourselves in the process? Is it being bipolar?
You are such a good person and so very helpful.....how can i convince you to feel good about yourself....to feel worthy to be alive.
love
bobby

oh Bizi
that was so kind of you. I have been feeling so self centered in my posting and not commenting on other people's posts for the most part. I have been feeling so guilty. I have also been feeling desperate. Luc really shook me up badly but i was severely depressed and that is why i got him. The religious classes I am hoping to attend don't start again til after the high holy days and I am now pinning my hopes on those. I can't remember feeling this desperate.
Love
Bobby