[justired]

I've been down in this depression forever, or so it seems. Been messing with my meds - which I hate - and ECT schedule. Needless to say I am one big mess.

Now the job issues that won't go away. Was given my final warning today at a job I love but seem not able to do anymore. Been there 7 years tomorrow and it has slowly evolved into this very complex job. My mental capacity just does not enable me to do this job anymore it seems. Saw my therapist tonight and she suggested long-term disability. But doesn't that mean this dang disease wins? I honestly don't know what to do anymore. One day at a time.

Been fighting this suicidal thinking for quite a bit now. Did another safety contract with my therapist. See one of my pdocs tomorrow - the one for meds. Was honest with my husband about how I'm feeling and everything else going on. He thinks this job has become too stressful for me. It's strange - I don't want to give in to this disease and at the same time I want nothing more than to just give up on everything. Crazy huh?

Well, thanks for taking the time to listen to me ramble. It's kind of like my journaling and seems to take off some of the pressure in my head.

Just one more day,
Debbie