Dear Waves,
'Hoping that you have a good day today.
M.

Hoping you have a good day today too.

DOnna:grouphug:

yeah it's expanding i don't know that could be could.

i have been guarded that is not good.

but i have got a lot of 9.12's and 9.13 lately which is helpful - past emergency.

and 917 - the number for dialing the time where i once lived.

914 too - that was the information number, lol.

~ waves ~

Interesting.

I am not sure, but I honestly have to say I don't like 9/12 either.

But I had my first fall on my back porch that night. And 2 weeks
later began wearing the metal thing that looked so odd.

It still hurts.

Donna:grouphug:

Donna, Sorry for your fall. dates and stuff stick when bad stuff happens.

i actually blocked one bad date. i know the month but not the day. i know roughly. but that's it. so i don't have an "anniversary" to gouge me. but sometimes i get derpessed right around thing. but i think that tendency might have preceded the event .... tendency to spring depression that is.

i am concerned about positive-but-related associations like "ahh, 9.12, 1 minute later... the emergency is over," as they can reinforce a delusion (that 911 means immergency imminent disaster. not noticing and realizing one's exposure retrospectively is a much better sign. today none that i noticed.well, not 911s. i had some 912's that i did take as post-emergency's after missing the bus and nearly missing another but not. the but not = post emergency / having cut it fine.

i hope that i am improving. i do not want to feel (whether or not, for the rest of the world, the facts appear differently) responsible for someone's smashed in face or arson fires or anything else. i am glad his face healed fast. i do not know how it did!!! it does make it all seem very controlled.

and i do not want to continue the Zyprexa any more but i will till pdoc says it is safe to stop. :(

doing much better with the grog in the morning though, with the split schedule. i do have to set a reminder in my cellphone agenda - that rings at 5 for my "early" Zyprexa dose. the other i take right when i get home or thereabouts.

~ waves ~

I want to stop my zyprexa, too. I see the new pdoc on Monday and I'm going to ask.

I'm going to take your advice and set myself some cell reminders for pills because I'm taking ativan 3xday and neurontin 4xday. I think I finally got a handle on the am/pm meds tho :)

i've gained 15+ lbs
 

yes those cell alarms are helpful.

i just weighed myself hoping for an improvement or at least a "stay" since i have really really realed in the snacking the past few days (like to ZERO) and just let myself be hungry.

well shoot. up 2 full KILOS. yes, KILOs. that's 4.4 lbs.

i did gain some before zyprexa, before getting manic with the depression and then with the anxiety and comfort eating - but we're talking a kilo or two max and very slowly. then, by way of Zyprexa i've gained SEVEN KILOS -
15.5 lbs. FIFTEEN!!!! and it's morning and i did all you're supposed to do.... this is a "minimum" type weigh-in. :( WAHHHHHH.

i do not know what to do. i am thinking of just quitting. then i don't know what will happen with the 911. it seems better. maybe that is enough. pdoc said these things do resolve spontaneously usually. my concern was the deeper stuff that evolved last time. maybe this is enough that i won't go "off" totally?

~ waves ~

Waves,

Remind me how long you have been on a practical dose of Depakote and how long it generally takes to work at a good dose. Two weeks to kick in at the right dose?

I'm all for quitting a med that sux BUT your pdoc is unavailable if I remember. My recommendation (such as it is) is that you check in with him before you d/c the Z.

M.

Waves,
You are not at the "last time" place. This has been nipped in the bud -- at least from what we see of your posts and probably from what the pdoc has seen.

Right now you and pdoc are being watchful.

You are safe as long as you stay watchful. That's my take if it helps.
M.

since december, maybe even november... i'd have to go back in my posts lol i wish i'd been logging.
[/quote] and how long it generally takes to work at a good dose. Two weeks to kick in at the right dose?[/quote]dose and time-to-coverage really depend on state, as well as what other meds are on board... i had zoloft on board but tapered fast and early when i stared getting hypo, while adding the depakote - with that i went up to a gram (that's a decent dose for mania) and fast, that seemed to cover me. i am on 800 now which is considered therapeutic but may not be enough to cover this episode. i am sure the zyprexa picked up the slack there since the zyprexa is a really good antimanic esp as an add-on to the depakote.

focusing on the delusional crap here for a sec want to point out:

• the zyprexa will cover BOTH psychotic sx AND regular manic sx.
• the depakote does *NOTHING* for psychotic sx but it's pretty good at slowing one down

i know, but he's sick right now and i HATE to bother him. i could monday but i feel like a hog. i don't want to feel like a hog for another second.

i guess i am saying if i end up being a little hypo and crazyish it might be better than where i am now. coz i

• WILL NOT take a full gram of depakote steady (weight gain + numbskullness), and
• WILL NOT continue to gain 5 lbs a weekish on the Zyprexa

:o :o :o