dear Mari,

oh my. i am so sorry. just do the best you can, and that will be good enough. sending you protective anti-stupid people vibes. dumb comments can be the wrost. or having ppl be too inquisitve.

sending you warm soft hugs. i wore a sweatshirt to work yesterday for the first time. for the need of comfort, for myself. it was nice to have the physical softness near, instead of other stiffer/scratchier things.

i cry with you.

~ waves ~

Thank you, Waves,

I made a huge spectacle.


I was sitting near the middle asle.
After the fourth verse of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, I got up and ran out sobbing. I knocked over a chair with a lot of stuff on it and stopped to apologize and pick up the stuff because I hit a person with the chair.


I'm back in my office chilling after I put .25 klonopin under my tongue.

Life stinks.

M.

-=-=-=-=
He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat:
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!

Dear Mari well you helped them get in touch with their feelings by expressing yours. a lot of people just aren't much in touch with their emotions, i've found. (((( it's ok )))) and i'm glad you had the klonopin.
this is a beautiful verse and hymn with which to honor your friend. (((more hugs)))

~ waves ~

Oh Dear!

Waves,
Today was a ceremonial day tthe school does once a year.

The memorial for my colleague is coming up -- it is still in the planning stages.

I acutally might not go to the memorial. I already did a cathartic thing publicly. Enough.


Today I grabbed two girls and got them to clean out my collague's office w/me. We dragged 10 years of craap to the hallway and dusted what was left. The three of us porbably worked 2.5 hours. It was liberating getting all the student portfolios abnd papers out of there. I wanted to throw away the ratty books, but the other colleague says he reads dirty dusty books. Anyway, that office was shared by three people. The two living people have clean space.
I freed up the good energy in the room and said a prayer for my dead colleague to go rest in peace now that his craap is taken care of and there are no more signs of his sickness -- just his books, his files of research, and his photos.

M.

Oh boy. that's funny it was just a regular ceremonish thing. i must admit i was a bit surprised to see it as a funeral march but it's march - and it's March too.

well. it sounds like you went through a deep cleansing through taking care of your colleague's stuff and praying for his safe passage to peace. it is beautiful even in the sadness of the ending.

(geez, now wonders... did i mix anything else up??? :D)

~ waves ~

i spent all afternoon collecting cool graphics for you guys now have so many can't find any. its ok. i have to go to sleep now :o i hope you also sleep mari. it was an overflowing day you had ... i thought.

oh mari,
what a day for you....
i am sorry....
somewhere i hope you find some rest the weekend is near....
hugs to your healing soul.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
bizi

hoping for sleep
 

Hi,

Earlier tonight I took my Klonopin plus 10 mgs generic Ambien. I woke up three hours later!!!
I haven't slept in three or four nights.

. . . Maybe some more Klonpin even though I have to get up earlier than usual. ?

M.

can you stay home from work today? i don't see how you can stand any pressure or stress. I am sorry you are going through this.
bobbby

Dear Bobby,
I had signed up for a conference ---- requires me to drive a little farther than work but in a different direction.

I'm hoping that I can figure out how to get there -- need to map quest now.

I will be back home earlier than if I had gone to work.


M.

sending good vibes your way to help you to your meeting and then perhaps you can come home and rest then.....
bizi