Hi,

It's exhausting to bring up anything with him. I'm taking a break from talking to him.


Tdoc has explained in the past that
1. first he has to recognize the problem
2. secondly, he has to be motivated to change the problem
He does not recognize any problem.

=-=-=-=-=

I think he re-recognized in a general way that he is self-ish. That much he gathered from our talk Friday morning.

Neither logic nor tears work. I've tried both in the past. I'm done.
There is no freeaking way I'm taking him to see my tdoc again after what happened last time and I'm not going to find him a tdoc. When he takes ownership of his issue, he can find a pdoc who prescribes TCAs or SSRIs for anxiety.

There is a mood component to whatever disorder he has. He gets slightly up for a while and then he gets slightly down for a while. If he does have a something of a mood disorder, the ADs would be a bad idea so maybe I will rethink the med idea. Maybe he could benefit from a mood stabilzer like the one I am on, but good luck getting a pdoc to prescribe Verapamil for meanness.


He's darned lucky that I even bother with him.


M.

Oh Mari

things sound just awful. it is not always this way, right? he does have some good/helpful phases? i have seen positive posts on hubby before ... i hope they were not ehm, you trying to find the silver lining on a huge cloud?

if you want to do the hotel thing for a while, i can help you find stuff in your area. i have time and internet. oh and i'm not groggy. that's about all one needs. you just say the word...

(((((((( Mari ))))))))

Waves,
We are not angry with each other. I am just tired of his nit picking.

Here's an example:
Months ago he installed a door with what seemed that I felt had a complicated locking system. I taped a note on the door with instructions on how to open and how to close the door. Today on his way out to the gym and a hair cut he asked if we could take down the note. I said no. I want him to leave my stuff alone.
He does not get to be in control of every item in the place, the fridge, the freezer, and so on. He can let things be as they are.

A hotel room would be uncomfortable for me. The experiment last week with leaving my office for temporary space in the library showed that I prefer my own space. He would be pretty upset if I took off for a room somewhere. I am not taking the option off the table, of course, but ,at this moment, I see it as making the problem worse.
For one, he is still not comfortable each year when my parents get a hotel room for three nights.

He's nice except when we don't give each other space or when we are both stressed -- both of us are introverts and need down time a lone.
The other night we had a guest over for a light supper. Hubby was interrupting and critical about me. The guest constantly tried to redirect him. That's what started this latest round of my thinking that he needs to make a change in how he talks to me.

M.

Dear Mari,

thank you for clarifying. Actually, i think you are being pretty positive or at least neutral in terms of your actions. it seems like you can still be objective about things, which is great.
right. it is your place too.

ok, i get this.

that SUCKS and yes he does. i am sorry you are going through this.

i hope you are patting yourself on the back for your tolerance and patience. Here's a pat, pat from me. sorry to make you look so goofy in this pic!



(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

Sorry that it's not better between you Mari, he really does need to watch how he talks to you, especially in front of guests, sheesh! I would have been mortified! I hope he recognizes that he's in need of something to help his mood, it was how meds made me feel that got me to accept that I had a mood disorder, its amazing the difference meds can make. Good luck Mari. Keeping you in my thoughts....

Mari

I hate to tell you this. It sounds just like a couple that has been
around each other to long. Or many years. I have these problems
with my husband at times. WHen he starts threatening to leave
I tell him to go.

It quiets him down at least.

Donna

I wish he would own up to his responcibility. Even when you point this out he still doesn't get it...
I am sorry.
bizi

Don't feel so good.

hey there Mari,

what's going on? don 't feel good as in getting sick, or moodwise or.... ?

sending good thoughts.

~ waves ~

mood stuff
not sleeping and overwhelmed with work and such