BP I know how you feel. When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2000 I was angry and raged out quite a bit at my lot in life. While I never went as far as flushing my meds down the toilet, I did get angry enough to throw my pill bottles all over the place and pull a hissy fit. I also kept looking for that "miracle pill" and never found it. So when it came to my BP dx I had gone through the pitch a fit phase and just added the new meds with the old. Acceptance is so hard when a life altering illness hits that we do strange things.
Thank goodness your pdoc understood but you need to have a talk with her about the comments that made you dump your meds in the first place.
I hope you got some sleep and are feeling better today.

Hi, Me BP?,
The thing about bipolar is that is that the whole take one pill and forget it thing does not work -- at least not in the beginning.

It is a condition that needs to be managed (maybe like diabetes that some people compare it too, but there are other situations that might be more similiar). In the beginning we need to see the pdoc a lot and check with them in between times. We need to monitor oursleves and request possible adjustments.

Trying meds is hard.

But after a few years it gets easier. You do find the meds that you can pretty much stick with. And you can get used to spending a little time each day (or a lot) thinking about the bipolar you.

Each of us has a different way of dealing with our bipolar. But it is something that we DEAL with. We can't just fix it and forget it.

Is that the kind of thing that you are talking about?
Is that the frustration? That you would like to take a pill and be done with it?
I would too. Science isn't there yet. I hope that in a few years we will have better meds.

Mari

Yes, unfortunately, that's what I thought would happen. I'm just overly tired and confused. I'm tired of not knowing how I'll be tomorrow. I'm tired of not knowing who's going to show up for the party. I'm tired of all the side effects, the nausea the shakes. I just thought it would be easier. Yes, I'm hurt but she's right. But she also doesn't understand, no one understands. I'm not angry Wendy. I just don't know how I feel. I must say that I admire you all for being able to open up here and let things out. I hold it in, dwell on it and let it consume me.

you can do these things too just try it out here,,,we are a safe bunch....
(((HUGS)))
bizi

Hi, Me BP,

This is a process. In my case I needed

1) alot of patience and strength,
2) alot of faith that I could get through it,
3) alot of faith that my pdoc would help me get through it,
4) alot of faith that this work would be worth it someday,
5) belief that I was worth it.

It worked. I did get better.


When I was first dx'd I needed 4 or 5 years to find the right meds. This was in the late 80s/early 90s. I think med trails take less time now.

Hold on. You are worth it.

Your pdoc can help you if you help her.
Remember that it is ok to have temporary set backs and feel bad. But try to keep in mind that it gets better enventually/ in the long run.

Mari

Dear Me BP,

Let your feelings out!
Talk to a therapist.
Write/type a daily journal.
Talk to us.
Talk to real life friends.

mari

I agree...
bizi

I'm going to try real hard. I'm heading out now and I hope I can get it out. We need to talk and she needs to listen. I just need her to put herself in my shoes, not that she'd want to. I look like an absolute zombie.

I don't know who said mania was a nice feeling but it sure doesn't feel it. I just need to come down because this is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too tiring and I'm drained.

Cross fingers I can open my mouth and not shut her out too.

How'd it go? Are you ok? well, duh, yeah. I know it's not ok, but did you get through your appointment ok?

This has been a tough weekend. I remember not wanting to believe in my BP and I didn't EVEN want to hear about fibromyalgia. Both of them ticked me off. My doc just shook her head and said I needed to figure it out.

I think it's so hard to believe one can be bipolar because we all buy into the stigma attached to it. That we should have more control over ourselves. I know I did. (aw heck, I can't lie. I still believe I should be able to control my temper, depression, agression. I am still working on it.)

But I remember being so angry. And you do not know how many meds I dropped because of the side effects. You can only live with nausea, headaches, memory loss, seizures and so on for so long. Docs gotta listen too.

I hope she heard you today. I hope you get to try something that isn't so hard to take.