Hi,

I'm home. I took my meds. I'm trying to stay awake.

Here is Antonin Dvorak's Largo. 'Feels like a sad enough song for now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=-37tGpohKBQ
English Horn Solo from Dvorak's Symphony No. 9 "From The New World" Mvt. II Largo

M

Largo
 

Thank you, Mari. It's good to know you're home.
Im enjoying the Largo link a lot. It is indeed sad. Fits my mood too. Haunting, here in Chaco Canyon under the full moon. I'm sorry you're so sad, but I'm glad to have this with me.
Hugs to you.

I was on gabapentin and it made me very depressed and im not that kind of person

Mossy:)

gabapentin & me
 

Hey, Mossy! Welcome to the forum ;).
I was on gabapentin successfully for quite a while, then pdoc increased it to twice a day to give me better mornings & my speech was affected. Couldn't get words out--felt as though my mouth was twisted & hard to open.
Lowering the dose didn't get results so I'm on topiramate now. Works fine :p.

yes mari, that is a very sad piece. sorry that you are feeling this way. I wish for you a better day today.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Largo
 

Some folks who heard the music last night said it sounded as if it belonged here. I told them it did.
Dvorak wrote it from here, the New World. It did seem so native.
Thank you.

I hope you got some rest. I hope it's a good day for you. ((((:heartthrob:Mari))))

Dvorak's Largo
 

((((Mari))))

That was melancholy indeed. I hear echoes of longing in it too. but maybe that's just my subjective experience.

i hope today went better for you and wish you a peaceful evening.

:hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Hi,

Thank you.

I slept about 4 or 5 hours and got lots of paper work done into the late afternoon.

Then I went for a walk between rain clouds, ran some errands, got back to work, watched tv. My sis and I talked just long enough to get each other agitated. She probably needs some benzos.
I've got more work to do before bed, Before that I need to finish ironing shirt, wash hair, find something for lunch (maybe put quinoa in the the rice cooker), and otherwise organize/ print out/ find what I need to bring tomorrow.

Mood is ok.

M

Glad you got some rest. Walking between rainclouds is wonderfully relaxing--except for people worried about getting wet, I guess.
Hope you get some rest tonight & that tomorrow is a good one for you. :heartthrob:

Dear Mari

Good to hear this report. You sound more focused... even busy. Good job getting all that stuff done. i hope you are able to sleep peacefully and have a better day tomorrow. :hug::hug::hug:

~ waves ~

Gal my avatar is me playing guitar:winky:

Mossy

I am losing grips
 

Hi,

Four hours of sleep last night.

I spent the last hour on an easy form to email. I was so confused. I gave up.

I'm not going to bed. I'm so messed up.


M

Dear Mari,

So sorry you are feeling this unwell.

what about - could you try 5 minutes (or even 1 or 2 minutes) of meditation?

Do you have a space where you can do that?

If i could transfer some of my night's sleep to you, i would. (i can sleep more in the day time to catch it up ;):rolleyes:)

Sending :hug::hug::hug:s and calming thoughts, dear friend.

:Heart:

~ waves ~

I am sorry that you are going thru this.
Wish you were able to sleep better.
Maybe you can rest today some?
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

pdoc vist
 

Hi,

Saw pdoc. 'Told him I was fine.
Reported to him that mdoc had given me Gabapetin. Pdoc called Gabapentin a third line med that works for some people. It is good that it helps me.

He crushed his ankle in a fall from a 5 foot ladder two weeks ago. He is going against several doctors' recommendations by refusing surgery he says because surgery is complicated and 40% of the time results in infection.


M

Mari

happy you were able to see your mdoc and the doctor seemed to like the medicine being used. And hope you are doing well.

Donna:grouphug::hug::wink::winky:

Thanks, Donna. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Why did you go see pdoc? If you told him you were fine?

So why do we do this? Why aren't you going to bed?

I finally got out of the canyon, have been driving all day, finally stopped. Surprised I didn't wreck.

I'm really sorry you feel you're messed up, Mari. Can pdoc help or do you need a new one? I hope you sleep. I hope you want to go to bed soon.

Sorry I couldnt connect sooner. I do really dumb things.

Dear BCG,
Pdoc read his notes from last time and asked if anything changed. Nothing had changed and we were not going to mess with meds, esp. with the recent addition from the mdoc of Gabapentin. Pdoc knows I am messed up. He and I are doing the best we can. The sleep issue cannot be medicated. I have been working on it in talk therapy for what seems a million years, having gained some understanding of it and some coping skills around the edge of it with no success.

Does driving help you? Is it one of your "go to" things when you want to feel like your "real you"?

M

It's good that you know the limits of meds. I'm still wanting mine to do more. T-work does seem endless--like it's gonna take just that much longer than I live. You are patient.

Yes, driving in the high desert is the one time when I'm at total peace with myself and the world. I eventually force myself to stop before I wreck, but before I came I saw myself flying into a canyon. Found too much ... something, since being here, so I stop.

Thanks, Mari. :heartthrob:

Dear Mari
whew! one down, one to go... hope you get in to see your T soon. i am glad the Gabapentin helps you too. :hug:

I hope your pdoc's ankle heals up ok... :o

~ waves ~

Hi,

I got email from my colleague's window and an undated poem of his.

Reading his words threw me. I don't know how long it will be for me not to be moved to sadness when I think about him. My sister says apparently it takes as long as it takes. Maybe tdoc would say something helpful.

M

grief is peculiar
 

((( :heartthrob: Mari :heartthrob: )))

yes, there is no fixed period... you will slowly come to terms. it will become less intense, but it is a very personal thing. you may experience smaller waves of it at different times in your life, too. it is all good but it is hard. i am sorry you are going through this.

lyesterday, a world class motorcycle racer lost his life on the track. i just heard the headline blurb in a movie break. i looked up the story. i don't fully know why but it affected me very deeply. i couldn't stop crying. i didn't even know him as a "fan." i lit a candle for him.

continue to find ways to celebrate your friend's life as you mourn his loss.

the motorcyclist died making his dreams come true. he was a vibrant and warm person, and not least, courageous.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~ of sadness

(((HUGS)))) to you today mari,
grief can be overwhelming.
bizi

Didn't realize that!
 

My daughter was put on it for Fibromyalgia pain. I didn't realize that it help with mood and anxiety also...

She is down to 300mgs per day.

Thanks for the info.
Michelle

Dear Waves and Bizi,

Maybe I can print out his poem on quality paper and have it framed for my office (either at home at work -- home might work for me better right now . .. ) I ran across some pictures that were taken right after he got dx'd. He had taken his son, wife, and dog on a trip. They looked happy. My colleague was more optimistic than anyone else I've known.

M

Dear Michelle,

Gabapentin works sometimes for mood and anxiety. It doesn't work for everyone. Has it helped your daughter with her pain?

M

raising the dose
 

HI,

I started 120 mgs of Gabapentin around June 25.
Then I was on about 220 mgs for months. (These doses are approximate because the capsules are not scored.)

The nerve pain started getting worse around Friday or so last week.
(When I last saw pdoc he said that if the med is going to help, it often helps at between 300-600.)


TONIGHT I took two full capsules for 300 mgs.
Tonight I'm going to bed kind of early for me and will not have to be anywhere tomorrow except to go out to buy gas and get cash. If I do feel hungover, I can sleep.

M

Uh.... Pain.... Gotta hate it.... Cant even concentrate :mad:

Hope the pain leaves you soon dear Mari. I hope you can have a good sleep tonight !!!!
:hug:

Dear Mari

This sounds beautiful. (((hugs))) to you.

:Heart:

~ waves ~

(((Mari)))

i hope it helps you with the nerve pain. i think i missed when that started. glad that you planned it so you can sleep too.

anyway let us know how it goes. wishing you success with it. :circlelove:

~ waves ~

p.s. i'm confused as to whether you took a total of 300mg or 600mg. sounded like 300mg total, but... i am still confused.

Hi Waves,
I took 300 mgs.

M

I hope it helps you and that you will have good outcome....in a short amount of time.
ASAP!!!!!
bizi

parents
 

HI,

Tdoc and I had a phone session.

I've been crying off and on about what she said about my parents.
She told me to request that they visit me on a more convenient weekend for me instead of Labor Day. I told her that they already consider me the difficult child and have since I was born -- (perhaps because I was the oldest).

Tdoc said that some families are supportive when members need help. :eek:


She also said that it is hard for the parents to give support if they had not gotten support than they needed.
She said sometimes parents have certain expectations about having children and then are confused / not happy when their expectations are not met.

Angry and sad.

M

I am sorry you have been upset since your phone call session.
Could you ask that they come a different date? What harm would it be?
You can just let them know that it is not a good time of the year work wise.
They should respect that.
Do you believe what she said to you applies to your parents?
bizi:hug:

Expectations?
 

I'm amazed by this. It implies that children have some obligation to live up to their parents' expectations. But how can that be? Children have enough on their plates.

I'm sad that you're sad & angry, Mari. Be good to yourself, take care of yourself. :hug:

Dear Mari :hug::hug::hug:

i'm so sorry for the difficult session. you sound sort of shell-shocked. if that's so, try to refocus on something else for a while so you can feel better for now.

there will be plenty of time to consider and digest what your T said. there is no rush. it may yet prove useful in time. some insights are hard to come by. i can't add more on forum.

sending love and comforting thoughts to you :circlelove:

~ waves ~

hung over from the gabapentin
 

Hi,
Nerve pain that was supposed to be helped by the Gabapentin continues. Pdoc said that it could take 4 weeks at 300-600 mgs a day to feel pain relief. Sometimes the med does not work at all.

I bumped the dose to 300 on October 24. That was 16 days ago.

I'm not comfortable with the hangovers from this dose. Do the hangovers go away? It seems that they should have let up by now. I take the whole 300 mgs at night. Tonight it was around 11:30 pm. Some nights I take it earlier - - 9:00 or 10:00

M

I am sorry for the hung over feeling.
maybe you could try taking it with dinner?
Does this mean you are sleeping better? that would be a good side effect.
hugs to you my dear
((((HUGS)))))
bizi