Dear Jude

you cracked me up so much. i want to respond more now but something is working ... i did bump the gabapentin to 450 so maybe that... that or the migraine + med i had to take another dose of as well... ick.

thanks you! (((hugggg)))

i assure you though... nahh... you know it's true... some people do - or think they do. they have a clear cut concept of normal, and their buddies fit clearly within that classification. too often i've heard said... "that's just not normal!!!" maybe it happens more here. but seems like it isn't completely tied to culture. just different cultures have more/less acceptance in different areas. so such comments come out in different contexts, or so i think. but i'm not a sociologist or anything.

sorry about the tinnitus... i get that when i take too much aspirin, or the very occasional spell at night that's never been explained.

interesting your music-on-loop mantra suggestoin. whoever said a mantra had to be verbal. hmmm... that opens up other possibilities too... a visualization... channeling a state throuhg other senses. i wonder how hard it would be to construct something through sense of touch. i wonder if that is the equivalent of when Mari's T suggested she imagine being wrapped in a white cloak. to me that implies safety/purity.

i used to focus, on the way to work, on the feeling of being a rock, or a crystal, or ice if i felt like water... freeze it.... stuff like that. perhaps that is a version of this too.

sometimes when i was in a bad way somehow, i would envision my core as a hard black rock. impenetrable, immovable, unscatheable. solid and stolid, and not least.... decidedly dark. the crystal one was a more positive but not achievable in dark state.

rambling. i'll follow up on the rest of your post tomorrow night if i may.

love & hugs backatcha

~ waves ~

Hi,

I wish I could pass out stickie notes for everyone so we could keep smiling.

M

Dear Waves,

I hope you've been able to make the call and get your meds. It's great that your mum is going to help out!

I'm exhausted all the time, but neurontin doesn't sedate me at all. I hope it helps with the migraines tho. Do you have to see a new doc in order to get more of that sleep med?

I'm glad that your posts aren't garbled (I had no problem reading this thread), but they do sound speedy to me. When you were fully manic a couple of months ago, they were extremely hard to read and nonsensical at times.

Please don't be mad at me, I'm just being honest...
I think you're on your way to mania right now. What you're describing is exactly how I start out, aside from the 911's.
I hope you'll contact pdoc and nip this in the bud now.

I love you and hope you feel better soon
Kay

this pic made me want to jump up and down...

except my head would HURRRRTTTTT even more if i did htat...

ahhh what a lovely colorful pic you picked!

TANKYOU TANKYOU TANKYOU!!!! (((HUGS)))

~ waves ~

i used it a couple years ago at 1200mg/day for migaine and it worked ... it takes several weeks to really help though... i hope i don't lose my job before then.... arghh. it doesn't sedate me either after about the 4th night on a monodose starting at 300mg, then 600, then it's hi ho the dairy-o again. this time it didn't work for sedation AT ALL, even the first night.
this is helpful feedback. i AM glad i am intelligible!!! yes, i don't think i'd be able to work a properly if i were more up... although sometimes it seems to me like things are clear to me but too sped up or two broad for others and that can be a sign of trouble when the 'others' are also intelligent ppl... i seem to overwhelm them! i see pdoc tomorrow night. he's been on vaca... i have to make it somehow since in two weeks i leave - obvisouly not if if i'm non-negotiably sane or living on icepacks shades and NSAIDs.

i don't know what to throw myself at or what to throw at myself, you know. i did not lose the zyprexa weight - i gained about 20lbs and i should say gained BACK because that was weight i had put on in 2004 - again with stupid Zyprexa, so am unwilling to take more until i lose some weight. this is close to the highest amt of Depakote i've been on and it's probably a miracle i'm not gaining... losing is impossible. especially having to eat with the damm migraine pills.

no not mad. and the 911s i know are not part of your scenario... (you're more one for skeletal cats, eh? ) ... but it is mine... when i read omens... interpret things... it can progress into paranoia or other thought disorder which can fuel the mood stuff. so far though i've been in this "in-between" state for a while. keeping everything the same, it would eventually peter out i think. but pdoc agreed with me we should not change any med for risk of mania last we talked about it (and he doesn't even know about the omens this time). he may want to raise my depakote AGAIN where i want to reduce it... sigh...
thank you Kay, for your frank feedback and kind words.

love

~ waves ~

got all meds all set, THANK GOODNESS.

migraine still kicking this morning, meds failed to work after 2 hours - stayed home - slept. woke up... still going... i've swtiched med temporarily sometimes that helps. added myorelaxant incase mixed type headache.

tomorrow i have pdoc and have to see him before i leave for all this stuff plus rx documentation for travel.

travel is very close to necessary plus other than stress am looking forward. plus already planned/booked/paid. i will be very sad if have to miss out. i leave on a monday and come back almost a whole week before work starts so i have time to "recoup". my travelmates (no pun intended i am not bringing the laptop althought now thats negotiable since the guitar can't make it with these "lowcost" carriers - not lowcost, anyway) will be disappointed too...

gonna take a break from the computer now... i will try to answer other threads later.... redoing my parents' pc on sunday was ... well... it is partly done and pissing me off so i've been fiddling with that parents keep telling me to kep still

migraine tells me to keep still. migraine hurts when i DON'T KEEP STILL.

and i STILL DON'T keep still.... sigh... off i go and try to keep still.

(((hugs to all of you dear folk)))

~ waves ~ wanting to check out other threads........

Hi Waves
Sounds like a great day, to chill, take are of the migraine, try to at least kick that to the curb.
Feel better
di

Those skeletonized cats are hard to forget, right?

I forgot to mention the mag citrate... I use it as a super-powered laxative!! Does your preparation have the same effect?

heheh.... oh you bet! specially when i was changing my sig like daily, and put this in it around the same time....

and then went OOOPS!!!

haha... no... at least... i have not had that happen. you are supposed to increase gradually until that happens, and then, reduce back to the previous dosage.

i stopped the supplement a while back coz they mess up tests and forgot to resume. i get nowhere near enough Mg from my current diet and there is a correlation between Mg deficiency and migraines besides the fact the words both have 'mg' in them. so the Mg could very well quickly reduce my migraine frequency. i hope so because that is an easy fix and faster than i recall Neurontin being.

the fact it works as a laxative for you should mean you already have enough of it in your system.

~ waves ~

thank you Di... i am several hours ahead of you it is 1 am now.... i posted late evening before.

i slept through most of today. first notified work via email. saw his reply tonight... he was nice. good to feel acknowledged.

... later the meds worked some.... and i set about reinstalling my parents' computer.......... yeah i needed to chill - that was not helpful.... mom kept telling me to.... i couldn't.

had my Mg tonight. and my proper doses of everything + 600mg of gabapentin, we'll see what pdoc has to say about that and the Mg considerations on migraine. he's not a neuro but i don't have time to go to one before i leave. and we'll have to make considerations on the maintaining me level or at least on a semi-level plane too... ahh plane... yes... soon i'm going to fly away for a while yippeee i love flying!!!

~ waves ~