wow, you sound terrible. I am sorry.
when do you see your pdoc/tdoc?
hugs to you my dear.
(((((gentle HUGS))))
bizi

thanks Bizi

i see pdoc/tdoc tuesday, probably for the last time. i will make clear to him i can't pay any more. then, we'll see. right now, in this shape getting to his office going to see him is an ordeal -- 1 hr 15 mins into/through the city is way overstim and he has already said he can't give me anything else or made other types of suggestions.

i just drank about 3 beers-worth. the last part was a liter one we tried and didn't like it.... i drank most of that because i started to feel better........

better is good............ but not in a good way, if you know what i mean.

~ waves ~

I'll drink to that!

Awwww, thanks Bizi!

right now i AM STILL drinking.... good ol H20 though, in desperate attempt to rehydrate - am already feeling mild headache onset so i need to really push the water now. i know from experience, if i drink enough water for long enough, i will not end up with a monster headache. sigh.

unfortunately i cannot repeat this "temporary cure" of drinking beer tomorrow. and besides it was NASTY beer. blekhh.

but we'll see how tomorrow is. at least i got a sort of "break" tonight.

(((hugs)))

~ waves ~

waves, mind if I 'chime in' here?? Music can be very soothing, energizing, calming, well, let's just say it's good for alot of things. One of the things that my DH missed the most being hospitalized was not being able to listen to music. I don't think any of you here know this, but he is what I lovingly the 'world's oldest hippie'... he started getting the magazine Rolling Stone practically at it's inception, and still has a subscription today. He loves all kinds of music, very eclectic tastes, and had quite a HUGE collection of CDs, we're talking hundreds and hundreds. And, believe it or not, I was a Music Major in college. I was a singer, classical mostly, opera, etc. I was in many operas at my college - Indiana University, where they have the world's largest, and famous School of Music. Also, we had an eBay store selling CD;s, cassettes, and, yes, even records. All of that was lost in the fire, including, of course, his and my music collections. He wasn't able to listen to any music at all for three months. We had his music blaring last night, and he welcomed that!! He also used to play guitar, and I bought him a new one; now we just have to tune it up. He really wants to get back into his music!

So, getting back to EXERCISE, have you ever heard of or seen ZUMBA? My sister takes a class in it, and I've seen on my cable guide that they have a Zumba Class on TV also. She said doing that really makes you sweat... We have vowed to try to stay in shape an, to that end, I have already purchased a motorized treadmill, which is set up in our basement. Now all we have to do is get down there and start using it! I also purchased an exercise ball, which I used a lot when I had Rehab after my back surgery. I really enjoy using that!

On a different note, it's terrible that you won't be able to continue with your pdoc because of money - what are you going to do instead? Is there a Health Center or Clinic with a sliding scale? I don't think I ever had a chance to tell you how sorry I am that you lost your job.... that must have been a big and shocking blow.

Try to keep up with the dancing!! I am not very co-ordinated when it comes to dancing, but it sure is great exercize and keeps your spirits up!

First of all thank you so much for your thoughtful post and THAT did not escape me! (answer: please, chime away, i love chimes, and sounds like you've got a voice to go with yours too!

i am so sorry, by the way, that you and hubby lost so much in terms of music... i don't have anywhere near so many CD's but as it is i cannot listen to music out loud most of the time - have not even had a stereo in ages and the PC sounds ratty. i miss being able to just put something on to listen to, also.

i believe i would have been better off doing something along your lines than what i did, educationwise, but i was not mature enough to figure it out - i went to college young. Well, to fast-forward, life took over like an avalanche and i'm now going on 8 years of very patchy employment (more un- than anything), my "respectable" line of work and bipolar episodes having torn me to bits, over and over and over again, over the years.

a quick clarification on my job - i was getting sicker and sicker and finally quit by choice. it was a contract so leave would have been unpaid ... quitting was ultimately best. when i'm ok i will explore other lines of work like perhaps teaching.

pdoc - i don't know what i will do yet. we have state care in this country so that is available for free. i don't know the ins and out of that and there's a lot more to this whole issue, but for now, i will probably just remain sans therapist and let my GP keep prescribing my current meds.

i have never heard of that but i can try to find out. i am not up for going outside right now though or to a class. class would also mean money. this reminds me, i used to have a mid-sized ball that i used for floor exercises and i did like that! i had one a bit smaller than a beachball and made of stiffer plastic but with a little give. unfortunately i lost the pamphlet with the illustrated routines - it was quite thorough. i remember only a few. but it is an idea i will keep in mind... create my own exercises. it is something i can afford and execute in-house.

yes, i will. i feel this is my best bet. the past few days i felt absolutely HORRIBLE but today went a bit better (unfortunately no private time on sundays though). I'm going to shoot for tomorrow if i do get a privacy window. And if i do, it will be all songs from Dreamboat Annie.... Magic Man, Crazy on You, White Lightnin' and Wine... etc... the faster ones. I'll repeat if i run out of songs before i run out of steam but with the shape i'm in, that's not bloody likely.

hey just wondering... do you ever sing for your hubby? would he like that? when i was in the psych ward (ok, you are going to either laugh or scream) i had my folks bring me my guitar and i used to sing. in group rec, in the hall, outside on the grounds, or in private (room). i had several patients tell me they liked it, but by far the most powerful memory i have is of a woman who was profoundly depressed, and always had this glazed-over, expressionless sort of look. one night she came down the hall to where i was playing ... apparently it echoed down to her area. i stopped thinking i'd bothered her until she came closer and i saw that she was smiling widely, her eyes were bright, and she said, don't stop, i came to hear... WOW. that was so cool.

anyway thanks again, and i'm sending you and hubby some musico-therapeutic vibes.



~ waves ~

i come undone. first i couldn't get started but i did and .... now i've already washed up and i'm still running > 100bpm. i need to remember i can't push this much yet. when i started running, years back, and would get a stitch, i would slow or walk until it remitted, then pick up the pace again. no problem. i can't seem to get through my thick skull that i am currently

-- almost 10 years older
-- a good 40 lbs heavier
-- those almost 10 years i was holed up and much less active than ever in my life

it follows i cannot expect my body to do what it did before. pulse still 100. sht.

today's program (changed impromptu from planned Heart CD) ... had Abba on hand...

Dancing Queen - stim song, always LOVED it
Knowing Me, Knowing You
S.O.S.
Voulez-Vous - got stitch towards end
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - cooldown

...for a total of ~ 15 mins workout + ~5 mins cool down. Sort of. That song I did not pick - I should have picked another or just stopped.

-----------
you know, it is freaking difficult to navigate angular furniture, tv's and oscillating fans, moving fast while TETHERED (albeit with a 5 yard cord) to a dang laptop!!! today i dang near took myself out! i do have strategies... i wrap some of the cord around one wrist... unravel as necessary, change hands when i turn, etc.... but BOY, takes a bit of the "feeling" out of the music and motion, ya KNOW???
-----------

i feel less quaky now - my heart must have gone back into its socket thank goodness. i am having problems with coughing again lately, dunno if it is just allergies or my lungs "purging" because i abused them for four months... sigh, never learn. voice a bit trashed too. anyway today after pushing past the stitch, i ended up with chest pain (now gone) probably need to follow up with the pulmonologist - i dropped the ball on that, partly due to cost.

92 bpm now. ok i'm good. AND i'm done, whew. gonna feeling my ankles tomorrow. and goodness knows what else. oh boy. I KNOW WHY doctors don't prescribe exercise: because their patients would NOT COMPLY regularly enough, that's WHY!!!! they need to invent an exercise PILL.

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,

I like your play list. You are doing great. The exercise is going to help you feel better about yourself.

M

thank you Mari,

yesterday i was a complete wreck after that, for the whole day, physically. i wanted to sleep. stayed awake via caffeine until after dinner and then passed out like lightning no movie. slept 9pm to 3am then woke up. napped again 7ish to 10am.

today i am predictably "feeling it" in muscles EVERYWHERE... like even what seem like intercostal muscles!

My ankles hurt more last night than today however. i also had sesamoid pain (barefoot on bare floor probably a bit much at current weight) but arnica gel + warmth overnight fixed it. for good measure, i will apply more for today's trip to pdoc. not looking forward to that.

only thing is my knee... i fell on it hard months ago and it only recently stopped hurting completely. yesterday and today it hurts a bit. not sure if due to specific motions or what. will just have to be careful.

seems i am a bit all or nothing when it comes to this dancing. come to think of it, i am that way with many things... sigh.... moderation.... what's THAT : .... oh wait. isn't that a bipolar problem in general?

~ waves ~

Dear Waves,
Take a day off today. I say that in case you need someone to tell you. In fact, you can take two days off. Your goal was to dance to three songs three times a week for a few weeks and then work up to more.

Dancing is good. Take it easy. I'm going to bed. See you later.

M