hi everyone the more i think about it the more doubtful i am. yet at the same time it might be for the best if inconvenient.

Donna, this here community cannot get me away from my parents. i'm talking about a long-term psych residence. a halfway house type place for people recovering from a variety of illnesses while trying to get life back together (find job etc).

i would want to go to the one linked to the clinic i stayed at. my pdoc works for the clinic, not the community. but the docs sub for each other and i met a pdoc who works for the community i would request as my pdoc while there. she subbed on rounds once and was very helpful. problem is distance from the city. doing the teaching course while there would be extenuating if not impossible. they reduced the bus lines that reach that clinic. i will see if my pdoc knows of communities in/near the city (ugh) to facilitate the class. they all are state or state-conventioned centers. there may only be a handful. there is one near me but further from the city. i'd also be more subject to parental visits.

my dad will do whatever he does with his stupid tv and his stupid computer. i will miss the tv while he has it unplugged because then mum and i can't watch diffferent programs.

i am very angry right now, and still shook up from the news last night. i spent most of yesterday evening in a derealization episode. today the fight with my dad precipitated another one.

i told him if after all the time i invested in it between hardware and software and experiments, even when i was not feeling good if he is now blaming me for stuff, doesn't trust my assertions, on top of ignoring my advice, then quit buggin me every time the computer has a crisis. he says "i...??? bug??? you???" tshhh!

thank you for letting me vent.

i am wondering if the zoloft is making me aggressive or if these events are. i don't know. i know my sleep is messed up now coz i took lorazepam today and slept from 4 till 11. i didn't eat dinner with them. i have a pdoc appointment tomorrow. i will be a wreck.


~ waves ~