thanks everyone.

Dear Bizi
there may have been a time when i had better boundaries, believe it or not. i think back to certain times and i certainly feel like i had more of an identity. remember when i became overwhelmed by work, and before i started taking the zoloft i was feeling empty inside... like i had lost myself... i think this came from absorbing other people's emotions and energies, indiscriminately and without knowing it - at work... it was a condensed environment, with many people. that's different than "simple" stimulus bombardment which was the original hypothesis.

so this is not specific to my parents, and i can look back and see similar problems with other emotionally intense situations. my mother has her own issues and is particularly difficult for me to be around. when i find my feelings changing, i am practicing trying to intervene with my mind, to help me sort things out. securing emotional boundaries is essential; shields are a step further and i will need to learn those too.


Dear Bobby,
i think the bipolar certainly compounds this emotional sponge thing, but i don't know that absorbing energies/emotions is inherent in bipolar. being bipolar almost surely makes it harder to control and probably accentuates it too. thank you for your well wishes. i hope you feel better too.

i hope you are feeling better too.


Dear Mari

i can't wait. you have my vote!!!

the virus was fun... compared to the fighting and tension. that's what was really horrible. that's how i ended up crying for an hour. i ended up with a new migraine today, probably because of that too.
that didn't come without repercussions. they resent it. i feel their resentment. when i am well i sometimes do dishes and tell them they can stay and watch the news while i do that. but with some cooking mom insists on doing the dishes herself... i've lost enough arguments to make it not worth trying.

~ waves ~