i am still high from the rent control issue and i guess i do have more anxiety. i didn't think about it til you mentioned it. i guess that is why i am waking up very early. the therapist appt went very well. we started making a list. we added that i am considerate. she doesn't think i am lazy but just have some bad habits i can break. i thought that was an interesting way of looking at things. she also thought i wanted to be taken care of and pointed out how i was being taken care of. i guess i sort of knew that. then we started discussing my mother's treatment of me, especially when my father died and her treatment of my sister. she said promise her not to think about it until our next visit and then we will further discuss it. this was the first time she seemed to want to go into more depth about my background. about disliking myself, she said that was temporary and i had probably woken up on the wrong side of the bed. that she didn't get.
bobby

:hug:Bobby

One thought. You can have a pumpkin muffin, by replacing something
else that would have had those calories or fat.

So work it out in your head.

That is what I do to have something that is a little more fatting
than I should. Or even chocolate.

Sometimes I take two days in a rows special thing.

See I'm a sweets person, I have allowed something sweet each
day. I'm not a fruit or veggie's person. So I am trying to
require that I have one or the other of those a day. At this
point. Sometimes both.

This is working for me. Till I got sick, right now I can't eat
hardly anything.

Donna:grouphug:

Dear Bobby,

You and the therapist made good progress. Maybe she is starting "get" some things. I like that you brought something in that she could work with.


Yes. You are considerate. Your list is getting longer now. :) :) :)


M

Dear Donna
i hope you are feeling better. i find as long as i dont have sweets i lose my craving for them. after i had the muffin yesterday i started craving chinese food and then ordered it and got on the scale and gained back the two pounds. i ordered a lot of food for salad which i am not eager about. I struggled so hard to lose all this weight, i don't want to gain it all back and have my diabetes get worse again.
i guess i am going to have to go hungry again. i am not a moderate person
bobby

something else happened during the session which might have added a new dynamic. she said that she cared about me and did i believe that and i said i wasn't sure. I wonder if that caused her to change a bit. I just thought of it when i read your message. thank you for thinking i am considerate
bobby

yeah i know... if only i could practice what i preach...
 

LOL Bobby...I don't think moderation is a real strong point for any bipolar... it certainly ain't one of mine! :eek::rolleyes::o;)

love

~ waves ~

Dear Bobby,

You are considerate. Keep adding to your list.

Something new has been added to your therapy. I am so happy. Maybe she is connecting with you and feeling able to help you in deeper ways than she has so far.

I do not think moderation is easy for most of us. Maybe I can be moderate some days and not moderate other days. Maybe that is where the balance is --- by the end of the week I can look back and see a balance.
My therapist teaches that hunger is good. It is good to feel hungry when trying to loose weight --- that means that the food plan is working. She says we do not have to respond to huger signals. We can wait patiently a for a while until we act on those signals.
The hunger signals are left over from a time in human history that reminded us to get organized to hunt / find / prepare food. We live in a different human time now --- with food ready within minutes.

It is so weird to hear that from her -- to ignore that signal from the body/ mind. It is weird to be bipolar too ---- we often have to ignore what our body tells us --- take a shower even though we don't feel like it, . . . . other things too like sleep, . . . .

Take care, Bobby.

Mari

thank you Mari
i ate too much yesterday too. i did another thing i guess i shouldn't have done. a former classmate called for a fiftieth reunion. we talked and i told her i was bipolar II. my friends said i shouldn't have mentioned it. I told Carly that i was telling her because i didn't want it to be a stigma...at the end of the conversation i told her she could repeat what i told her. I have this urge to tell people and since i am no longer looking for a job i do. part of it is to explain my former behavior.
bobby

Dear Bobby - you are brave!
 

My oh my, I think it was very brave of you to tell her you are bipolar II. I don't see it as something you "should" or "should not" have done, so much as a personal choice based comfort, safety, etc.. Are you feeling now, that you shared more than you are comfortable with, and regret it? If that's so, well... I've been there, and I am sorry. :hug::hug::hug:

On the other hand, I really appreciate your "urge" to tell people about your bipolar, and wanting to fight the stigma. It also makes sense that it can be an explanation for your former behavior. In general, it also allows you to share with people more freely, without having to skirt around certain things.

I will say that I would feel much more comfortable sharing about bipolar if I did not have to worry about jobs - it's a small small world. As it is I am not all that comfortable with some of my relatives knowing, especially those in my area, who could have interactions with potential employers. Here the stigma about psychiatric conditions is extremely high. Often people who have sx go untreated because the entire family is in denial. I have suspicion this is the case for at least one cousin. There are also a couple of other relatives I believe have possible disorders. By being the first to share, I hoped to open communication lines for anyone else that might have similar problems, partly to destigmatize, partly to find out if there were familiarity and for which problems, and partly to say "hey I have these problems - if you have similar ones and your family turns a blind eye, you can talk to me."

Anyway, I say bravo, and I hope you don't suffer repercussions from it. That would be a pity but it would speak for the others not for you.

Ah - something to add to your list of likable qualities, even if it can be difficult, it is a wonderful quality:

"I am brave."

much love and praise http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/applause.gif

~ waves ~

p.s. sorry about the eating too much yesterday. :o today is another day. we get to start anew... (((hugs)))

thank you so much for your very kind post and calling me brave rather than foolish. my sister didn't tell my nephews i was bipolar which i think was bad because it is genetic. I think a warning is important. i guess i might speak to dr.m. about telling and see what he has to say.
thank you again for your support
love
bobby