(((Bobby)))

i am sorry your friend is having heart troubles. i know it is hard not knowing what is happening. makes one feel so frustrated and helpless. it can also lead us to fearing the worst, when that is not always the reality of things.

perhaps he just needs some time to digest things his own before he can share. but whether he decides to or not i am sure he knows he has a good friend in you, and that it helps him to know you are there for him.

ultimately he did confide in you, just enough to he let you know that he is not ok right now. then it sounds like he had to retreat into his private emotional cave. i bet he feels really vulnerable. many men behave that way when they feel vulnerable. it is how most of us were brought up. even today, our culture mostly teaches women to express vulnerability and men to hide it.

love

~ waves ~

i made it through thanksgiving. i went out to eat with a neighbor and had pumpkin soup and a hamburg and french fries and two glasses of wine. she was so sweet and treated me because she knows of my financial difficulties. I sort of felt guilty. I knew she was going to treat me but i still didn't order turkey because i had it at the senior center this week.
this morning i woke up so depressed. then i called my friend who i have gotten my cats from. she had called yesterday but hadn't noticed the message. she was so sweet. she said we had to talk more often. that made me feel so good. my negative self had though of her recently and was afraid to call her since i had no news to tell her. she just hurt her back lifting a 25 pound bag of cat litter and she is petite. if you can believe it she is having a chiropracter's appointment at 11 pm on monday...his first open appt.
bobby trying to hang in there

Dear Bobby,

Yes. Keep hanging in there.

I appreciate hearing your about your Thanksgiving meal.


M

Hi Bobby

i am glad you guys went out for Thanksgiving, and it was nice of you to be modest about ordering.

How have you been doing?

i am starting to totally stress over ... the next holiday. not really thinking in terms of gifts but it is stress with or without ... major perpetual flesheating guilt if i don't, decision and indecision and social anxiety and crowds if i do. for now i am deferring while i work on my recurrent gift - a homemade calendar which has become sort of a tradition. that is a fulltime job for now anyway. but at least it is one i do sitting up in bed.

love and (((hugs)))

~ waves ~

thank you Waves
i don't know how i am doing. still waking up very depressed and then it eases. last night had a hard time sleeping. got about two hours. i am trying to worry less. trying to convince myself that everything is for the best and that helps me with control issues. that problem that i mentioned to you seems to have cleared up. I have been using flaxseed ground up and homeopathic nux vomica. that is a big relief if it continues.
pudge helps me with my mood because when i get up and make coffee pudge races in the kitchen and i have to pet her. she is such an adorable kitty cat.
she is so independent yet so lovable.
I only gained two pounds rather than three pounds but will try to lose them.
they sometimes have free good bread or muffins at the senior center donated by a great store when they are a day or two old. I will resist.
you are going from one stress to another. holidays can be the pits. i bet the calendar will be really creative. will it be a work of love? or a work of frustration? i don't think you know how to give yourself permission to give yourself a break and really care for yourself. it is really hard to care for yourself. i wish i could give you some advice on how to but i don't have a clue
love
bobby
ps i finally discovered R.E.M. now that they are breaking up. I have been listening to this a lot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-k3mG6CBE9I&feature=fvsr i really love it

R.E.M is a great band, glad that you discovered them! A simple joy to experience them, thanks goodness for you tube!
bizi

Dear Bobby,

I am happy that pudge takes good care of you.

I am not doing one darn thing for the holidays. Oh I will have to give cards with a little money for the two secretaries at work. Sometimes I get around to sending my god mother a Christmas card by New Year's.

I am more stressed by Dec, Jan, and Feb weather. I want everything to always and everytime be the same. Mid July works for me. We have heat and rain. Then more the next day. Everyone knows what to expect.

I think not getting much sleep makes me even more sensitive than I am already.


You are doing great with your food plan and with going to the center. REM has lots of stuff we can listen to on youtube. I love the internet.

You are good Bobby. The people you touch feel better because of you.

M

i don't know what is wrong with me. for the last few days i have been feeling so empty and depressed. it is awful. i don't know how to pull out of it. my closest friend has a real problem and i was listening to it last night. that sunk me lower but i told her to keep talking. it is a very scary problem over which she has no control. another friend called but the call kept breaking up. she was upset because her brother bought her a notebook or tablet but got her an email. she was upset about the email. maybe it was good that the phone kept breaking up. i told her she could always get another email. i was really bad. I ordered a lot of licorice from vitacost. i guess the licorice was for my feelings of emptiness but i really be unhappy when i gain weight. i am also tired of drinking chicken soup at night but i don't know what else to have.
I keep on thinking of death. I don't know what has triggered these empty feelings.
the hurricane season is over right? that should be a relief. how much vacation will you get for christmas? I hope a lot. this time can you just do nothing.
last night i listen to a lot of r.e.m. on youtube mix.
i forced myself to listen.
bobby

you are so thoughtful and giving
fondly
bobby