[Pamster]

I have been in denial too long, I haven't been feeling right and my pdoc wanted me to try depakote for mood stabilization some time ago and I refused. Well I just took my first one. Wish me luck that it helps. For the first time this year I will be going to bed with bare nails. Jack wants me to polish outside, says it stinks up the house, even with the overhead fan on in my bathroom with the doors to the bedroom and the bathroom closed.

I tried to polish outside and it was an utter failure, it bubbled and looked HORRIBLE, I cried for about an hour. This is pretty much what triggering my call to pdoc and then the pharmacy to see if I had the depakote on file, which thankfully I did, so I didn't have to have the dr rewrite it. I am really worried about side effects. But I can't be feeling like this all the time. I've been really depressed for awhile and it's worn away at me. Doing my nails was a coping mechanism for me, and to have that taken away? Just stinks...

So I am going to try to do my nails in the garage. If that doesn't work? It's time to pack away the polish and just give up on my nails and nail art. I feel terrible about it, but I don't have any other choice since Jack gets a headache when I paint them when I am in my little bathroom on the other side of the apartment. I am out of ideas and beyond tired of trying to make it work. I can't get as upset as I was today, again, I just can't take it. Its not worth it and I'll end up sick over it.

I wish he'd be okay with me doing it inside, I really feel this isn't fair, but what can I do? I don't want him to get headaches and feel ill so my nails can look good. If it fails tomorrow I am going to seriously give up on it. And that loss will hurt as much as losing my ability to pump out decent fiction hurt me. I won't have anything left that I enjoy for ME. My little joy of nail art will simply die of neglect where as the writing was medicated out of me. I really have a problem with having to move the car out of the garage just so I can be in a black widow free zone, and attempt to do my nails. I really am NOT looking forward to this tomorrow. This pretty much has killed my joy and relaxation ability from manicuring, the idea of having to move the car and deal with all that trouble.