Are you doing ok? BF

Hi Steve

Thanks for the thread, and so sorry I missed it earlier!

Welll, I'm getting a little better, not worse anyway. I think it helped that i managed to do one thing a day - stuff got done. I managed to get myself to have my first appointment with a pdoc at that state center. So far so good.

Anyway, I am alive, and I have noticed that I still have that reflex where, if I step into the road and see a car coming, I jump back. That tells me:

my life instinct is still stronger than my death instinct.

But this is how i am -

• thoughts of death, fewer
• suicidal ideation (no planning), less
• have anxiety attacks requiring medication
• feel very overwhelmed.
• very very very very very tired/sleepy alla time
• cry a lot.
• no motivation
• poor concentration
• decrease in in social activities (albeit mine are online)

I know you are not exactly on cloud #9 yourself, and I hope you are doing a bit better day by day.

~ waves ~

i am so glad you are feeling a little better. I am so sorry that you are in such a painful state. it is so hard to distract yourself when you are in such a state.
love
bobby

I knew it was bad but I did not know it had been that bad.
I am very sorry.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
I am so glad that you did not walk in front of that bus.

Waves

We are hear and we will always listen. So keep talking.

Donna

Dear Waves,

I am sorry that you are in pain.

M

I am so sorry for the pain,and agony that you are going through. Hang in there.
BF

Thanks everyone



~ waves ~

Today and yesterday have been sooooo bad. i have slept day and night yesterday, night again, then napped today and this evening again. I'm horribly depressed. no energy. total fatigue. feel like a zombie. slo mo joe.

today, parents were out all day. it is probably good i don't own anything that would produce certain, instant death. although i don't think i would have had the impetus if i had found the courage. just too slow and sluggish.

the other day i ate something that hurt my esophagus and it has been very sensitive since. have been eating very light it is very reactive. that doesn't help. no comfort food.

good stuff today: dim light (post-rain) and quiet: no kids no hedgetrimmers, no workers no neighbors yakking ..... just a soothing silence.

the evening and night have been emotionally turbulent.

------------------

yesterday, i had a menstrual migraine and Zomig did not work.. For the first time ever, I took a repeat dose, which only sorta kinda worked.. Meant I had to tweak my Zoloft down - waited to take a half a dose with my night meds then made sure 12 hours passsed before taking the next full dose. It was ok- no weird stuff, just a vivid dream - an interesting one but lots of ambivalence and anxiety in it.

NOT what i need tinkering with zoloft while i've just established therapeutic blood level!!!

this dip in the depression could be exacerbated by pms (hormonal flux). i hope that is so in that case i will be a good bit better in a day or two max.

gonna try to sleep now.... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............
~ waves ~

I am sorry you have had awful days, sorry about your migraine. maybe you are right and it is a cycle thing.
(((((HUGS))))
love you bizi