[waves]

A comment mom made tonight got me riled... it was nothing bad or disparaging, and in fact something true. Just something i needed not to think about right now let alone spar over with her. After my blood stopped boiling, i like sank.

i could not enjoy the evening movie. i set to watch a late movie and ignored it. i played a game and didn't get into it. Tried more research, trying to "keep rolling" but i didn't roll far. Took a break and read the threads - best i could do was thank things for lack of words and thought. I tried doing a couple art designs - quit... like creativity what's that.

I feel so pathetic i bet if there were a mosquito in the room it probably wouldn't even take my blood.

it has been about 5 hours now since that comment and i feel the same, perhaps a bit worse.

I had a glass of liquorous wine earlier which didn't phase me. benzo cross tolerance. tshhh!

I want a stiff drink. Options very limited. Tempted to crack open that sealed bottle of baileys i was to save for next year (long story), and make myself a strong IRISH coffee. For the first time in a very long long time, i think i actually *WANT* to get *DRUNK*?? ...or at least a good bit UN*SOBER. maybe i just want to feel something?

i feel like a heap of moose dung... and I don't think moose dung "feels" (perhaps a bit moosey/mousse-y).