ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


it's only been a week. but it started sudden and intense much more with euphoric type stuff but now i am having racing thoughts trouble keeping still and snap at the slightest provocation. i can still go logic and say that is minimal but the blood just keeps on boilin and the nerves keep on jumpin. after about 3 days of it i forgot to take ANY meds - for 2 days - so i don't guess that helped. i took em the next day, except the Zoloft i only took 25 mg instead of 50 for one day, but now, i ain't touchin that stuff with a ten foot pole!

my pdoc piZZZZZZZZZZZZed me off BIG TIME the other day - he was abrupt. a dumb thing i guess but i didn't deal well. when i got out i went n got discretely drunk. later dinner plus a whole huge bar of white chocolate. result: indigestion and no Depakote that night for fear i'd toss...

oh and i had agreed with pdoc to go 25mg on the Zoloft...
but SKKURRRROOOO that, HA!

* i cannot even handle caffeine right now

* normally, i can't function without caffeine!

i am just SPACY TRACY tracing thoughts everywhere and to the moon included which by the way i saw a beautiful quarter moon the other night where you could just see the glow of the rest of the orb... so sweet.

i am changing the air in the apartment like big time.
the kkkkkold air feels good? LOL!
i am doing breathing and focus stuff. then i have to cook.

this isn't one of those "good" hypo thingies i enjoy... much too labile and the energy is tending more to irascibility restlessness and distraction it is not productive only uncomfortable. i even almost screwed up cooking lately multitasking to the hilt and overlooking stuff... recovered by the skin of my teeth. but cooking is grounding i think so not going to give up. just hope i don't burn my moms pans rofl!

i could be cycling and could cyle out of this. speaking of cycle, PMS often dampens hypomania for me ... perhaps it will help along with getting the meds on track again. Else i'll have to raise my Depakote, for sure, i cannNOT go ON like this.


GRRRAARRR please let this QUIT this is so NOT KEWL!

~ waves ~