I will call the pdoc's office to change the appt to two or three weeks from now or tell them that I can wait to see him in July -- my appt I have for a while. This makes me feel weird about old tdoc.
She called me the day after she threatened to call 911. She asked how I was feeling. I said ok and that I was waiting for a call from the pdoc. She said to get back to her with a text or a phone call. Well I already had deleted her cell phone numer so no text and I have no update to call to leave on her office phone. If she does call I might need to tell her something.

My insurance company gave me an option where in they call the pdocs in my area and find out who has an available appt.

When I get home from being out, I will call to ask for that service. Then I will call the pdoc with the June option.

I am pretty sure I will want the next pdoc to

( . . . . typing from my phone)

Earlier ( first ) I called mdoc's office to ask for references. The phone messaage said that it could take 3 days to get back to me. I left my information.

I will want the new psychiatrist to have records from current pdoc before I get there --- at least dx and meds. I need the dx to say bipolar because my list of meds does not immediately say bp.
I probably first started seeing pdoc 10(ten) years ago when the old pdoc ( of 14 years or so )left town and sent a letter to all his patients. I was freaked out when I got that letter but things worked out for me I believe

Mari

Waves,

Thanks for being with me.

-->> I canceled the Thursday appt -- I had to do that with the service and did not get the office because I called after 3:00 when apparently the office phones switched to the service.

-->> I called my insurance company to ask that they find someone for me. They will get back to me in three to five business days.

-->> I have an appointment with the pdoc I was considering earlier: June 28 in the afternoon. She is two doors away from the new tdoc and only ten mins from my home.
The guy on the phone said that I can call in a few days to see if someone canceled so I can get in before the 28th.

During the chaos of the phone calls (reaching for my medical cards and such), I noticed I do not have my drivers license. I am going to deal with that later . . .. like maybe tomorrow. I did enough for now.

M

Mari,

you have accomplished bunches in a complicated situation and unpleasant state.

The pdoc you made the appointment with sounds convenient... it would be great if she and the new T both worked out. I will be hopeful for you. And maybe there will be a cancellation. We'll just see what the insurance company comes up with too.

If you're anything like me, you probably have your driver's license... somewhere. If you ever change purses or have to take it out for anything it could be loose in your purse, or in a different compartment than usual. Once, I "lost" mine and went nuts looking for it. After maybe a couple weeks I figured I'd have to replace it (argh!) but I put on a pair of jeans I'd only worn once before and...ta-dah! It fell out of the pocket. Another time I "lost" an earring - for several months - on the armrest of my sofa. :rolleyes: Yeah, in plain sight, just camouflaged by the upholstery.

Take it easy tonight. Do something relaxing. Maybe you can do your yoga DVD or just listen to nature sounds recordings.

Sometimes I really wish we had RESET buttons, like computers. (And I wish kids had OFF buttons, lol.)

I am exhausted from trying unsuccessfully to adjust to a day schedule. Despite the sleep deprivation and daytime exhaustion I perk up around midnight and can't sleep, ugh! I can hope my meds do something but they don't usually. So I don't know if I'll be around/awake or sleeping during the next several hours.

Anyway pamper yourself tonight. See you tomorrow if I'm not on later. :Heart:

waves

Mari

I think you are doing good getting things solved.

Donna:grouphug::hug:

Mari, I think that you are amazing!
((((HUGS))))
bizi:hug:

Waves,

The diver's license was indeed found in one of my compartments.

Yes, that has pretty much happened to me before. That is why I do not look real hard for things sometimes. I call out and ask them to show up when the time is right. In most cases, they show up --- even if not on my time table.

I agree. And we could do reset for other things as well. . .

That movement of the body/mind clock is difficult but possible.
I wish you good sleep. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Mari

crying
 

. . . astonished by the depths of depression I have . . . .

phone calls and web search
 

Hi,

Today, I got a call from my insurance company telling me that they found a psychiatrist who has an opening for June 5.
But the person on the voice mail read and spelled the name wrong. She left the phone number that is probably correct.
I found the phone number in a reverse number search that puts him in a practice near the old pdoc's office ( 45+ mins from me).
Think of name like this with the first and last name going either way: Bennett Barrett.
Anyway, I made lots of guesses and found him on the state's web site for License Verification.

• He looks fine.
• So does the therapist (looked her up before our appt last week)
• And the psychiatrist I have the appointment with at the end of June looks fine.

Now I do not know what to do. Today is not a good day to decide.

Mari

Dear Mari

You now have options which is good. It is weird how sometimes this "advantage" is offset by the burden of decision making.

You don't sound well at all. Definitely not a day for decisions... but June 5th is almost two weeks away. You have time to let things settle down some and maybe in a few days you will have a feel for how to proceed.

Remember to be gentle with yourself.

(((hugs))) and good thoughts to you tonight.

waves

I am sorry ....you sound a bit overwhelmed with things.
Please take it easy and do what you have to do to stay sane. take it a day at a time, make pro/con lists if that helps you.
I think you are doing great...sorry that this is so hard right now. I am hoping with all of your effort you get a new health care team, folks in your corner.
You are worthy of this effort!
bizi

Hi, Bizi and Waves,

I am doing what I can --- mostly by being patient with myself.
(Actually, I have no choice --- there is not much of anything I can do.)

My friend called and talked this afternoon. That was good
My local friend let me drag her to the beach earlier (Thursday night).
It was hot and muggy and not one touch of breeze but the moon was bright and I love the smell of the water.
She and I made plans to do yoga together over the three day weekend.

Hubby is being calm. That is good.
Tonight I am listening to sad songs on Youtube and calm songs on Stereomood ( http://www.stereomood.com/mood/calm).

Mari

3 am
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-Naa1HXeDQ
Matchbox Twenty - 3AM (Video)

:girl(sad):

sleep today.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

'Having a hard time.
My sister and I talked on the phone. I explained to her about the tdoc and some other things. She got me so upset about those other things even though she was trying to be helpful.

Mari

That is the way it works sometimes.

Use some of your relaxing techniques.

That is about all the advice I have.

Donna:grouphug:

I am very sorry that you are upset.
I wish your sister was better able to help you.
When do you see your new tdoc again?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi, Bizi,

'Sister made things worse.
One issue was that I was having a hard time explaining things to her. I am so depressed and that I cannot think clearly.
I feel like the call messed up my night but it might have been pretty yucky anyway.

I woke up a few minutes a go --- so I think I might have fallen asleep in the living room and slept from 11:30 pm to 2:00 am.

I have to brush my teeth.
Thursday is a dentist appt.

Mari

(((hugs))) to you Mari.

so sorry to hear about your upset last night. it is hard on us when people we turn to for help don't "get it" ... even if it isn't their fault. sometimes it isn't anybody's "fault" but it hurts all the same, and causes us to feel worse than before.

I hope things go well at the dentist's today.

:circlelove:

waves

Hi, Waves,

My sister does get it. She just was not up to date on what happened with the old tdoc. (even though we had talked since that event, I guess I did not tell her about it)
And when she I told her my thinking is sooooo soooo off she gently asked some questions like about whether I get fresh air in the house, . . . . can I go outside for some sun, . . and some others and I had a hard time reponding because everything feels so complicated and overwhelming.

She caught me up on family news and I was catching her up on my news.

She told me that it would not be too hard to get old pdoc's records to new pdoc once I made a call to new pdoc's office to start the communication.
She tried say to something hopeful about the new tdoc and sleep and I think I might have started crying at that and some other things.

(New tdoc had initially told me on the phone that it might take two sessions to go over history and such and the first visit turned out to be easy and pleasant because she asked speicific questions about history.
Also for the first visit I was very focused on getting it scheduled and over with and did not think about my issues , , , . sort of working on automatic and that is very stressful to do all the time and that is what my life feels like. . . . . doing things I have to do. )
M

Thank you.

The dentist is a routine appt.
Even so, I have my alarm set early enough for the 2:00 appoint so I can put 1.0 Klonopin under my tongue and not feel much by time I get there. The dentist and her office staff are chatty and happy and annoying. Dealing with people is a lot of effort.

things will get better. processes are in place.
 

Dear Mari

Sounds like your talk with your sis had good aspects even if it was hard. perhaps just talking about the tdoc was upsetting... nothing you or she could do, but now she knows at least.

i know this is different that what you experienced, but there is maybe some similarity: i have had very brief episodes of aphasia with compromised concentration. only glimpses really, but it is awful. stuff is in there that can't get out. i want to say things but can't quite line up the thoughts. brain doesn't cooperate, let alone get the right things to the mouth. i can't imagine feeling even close to that for an extended length of time. Topamax messed with my thinking like this sometimes, and I felt crazy, stupid, frustrated and depressed.

you sound so overwhelmed. depression can do that all by itself, but your situation is contributing i am sure. but you have already set wheels in motion to improve the situation... those wheels are turning with the hands of the clock now. hang on to the thought that the situation will, necessarily, improve. then, you will be in a better position to deal with the depression, with professionals in place to help.

summer break is coming soon, too. whenever it is your vacation starts, there are a finite number of days until then. every day, you get one day closer to that breather period. :heartthrob::heartthrob::heartthrob:

more (((hugs)))

waves

maybe some duct tape as well as klonopin?
 

Yes.

When I am ok, I am fine with chatty and happy.

When I am not ok, I wish they would duct tape their mouths before attending to me. ;):cool:

:hug::hug:

waves

Right. Exactly.

Earplugs might work.

I just remembered that the dentist suggested in the past that I bring ear buds/ ear phones and listen to music from my phone.
You reminded me of that. Thank you.

Mari

Hi, Waves,

The dentist office was mercifully non-chaotic because the dentist was out recovering from a C-section.


I am hoping that the brain stuff is mostly about depression.
I was on Topamax for 10 days but I do not remember if I was on it long enough to get the cognitive stuff. I do remember that I had about 10 of the other side effects. That is a difficult med.

Mari

Hi Mari

I am glad the dentist visit worked out. :)

Yes Topamax is difficult for many. The cognitive stuff only occurred during later dosage adjustments. I was relating these things mostly to say I have some appreciation of the kind of difficulties you have, albeit perhaps in a limited way.

The cognitive impairment I get with some migraines is mild enough I can mostly circumvent speech oddity if need be. Remaining calm is a must; so is speaking more slowly. If things go blank, I let them. Pause. Things come back. It's like, go with the flow even if it's slow. I don't know if that can be helpful to you. Maybe you have tried.

I do agree the problem it is likely to stem from the depression. Depression can slow down thinking (and therefore interfere with normal speech), just as mania can speed up thinking (and speech).

I know you will get better, but I really hope it is soon. :hug::hug:

waves

Strange dream
 

. . . . . Disturbing dream stuff.
Apologies for deleting.

M

Missed the appt!!!
 

I showed up one hour late!! She was gone.
Apparently, I showed up at 2:00 for a 1:00 appt.

I make all my appts at 2:00. . (. sometimes that system works)
Except when I do not. I did think to check / verify the time.
I used to have a hard time getting to old tdoc's on time. When I fist stari
started seeing her one time on purpose I showed up two hours early and sat in her waiting room to make sure I was early and played other "time" games with myself in order to be there. Other times I was late. Also I canceled occasionally in our early days and she told me if I did that again she would charge me anyway( should have dropped her then)
I am so frustrated but maybe I am angry and sad about a lot of stuff and also really tired.
I fail at appts

I called her and asked for a time in the next two weeks and told her I was available in the afternoon any day except three days that I have things at 2:00.
GAH.
I was sunny out earlier, now it is cloudy and sprinkling. I should have stayed home for the sun. That would have made me happy.
Thanks for letting me rant.

I am sorry you missed the appointment Mari.

You struggle with appointments. You do not fail at them - that is a harsh overgeneralization. You succeeded in getting to the dentist appointment. :)

Right now is an even harder time than usual. Appointments are hard and right now, they are harder. Mostly here, I am sorry that you have to wait longer to see the T. I do hope she will be understanding.

I hope tomorrow you have some sun again, or that a rainbow comes out after the sprinkling, for you to enjoy.

(((gentle hugs)))

waves

Oh I hate it when I miss appointments. But alas we are human and errors happen. just don't beat yourself up about it.
Hope you can see her soon.
bizi

Hubby is at this moment using a power tool in one of the bathrooms to fix a towel rack.
Doing this at night when he could be in bed sleeping makes sense to him apparently.

M

He doesn't think they neighbors would mind?:confused:


I can't remember if you decided to wait to try the streterra.(spelling) Have you abandoned that idea?
bizi

He put the towel rack project on hiatus until Sunday when he can get to Home Depot to get some pieces he needs.

I could try Strattera but the 30-day sample pack has doses too huge. I need a 'script from the pdoc and at low doses. I hope she has some good ideas / experiences with that or Lexapro.

Mari

when do you see that doctor again? was that mdoc that suggested that or pdoc?
bizi

Hi, Bizi,

The mdoc had told me she would write a prescription for Ritalin. The next time I saw her, she gave me the 30-day sample of Straterra. One common side effects is drowsiness. I do not see it as a good fit for me.

I see the new pdoc on June 28.
Mari

hi
 

Dear Mari

Just want to say hello. I hope your Sunday is going well.

:hug::hug::hug:

waves wrapping up the day with a couple episodes of Three's Company (yeah! the 70's show!) plus a couple of Sabrina's Secret Life (animated spinoff of Sabrina the Teenage Witch)

Hi, Waves,

Thanks.

I am still here.

Mari

Yuck. Ack!
 

Hi,

Sleep was awful -- short and disturbed.
I feel crummy.

========

A little while ago the lights went out for 7 seconds while I was watching tv and doing laundry. When the lights go, various sounds go off -- the electric fire alarms beep,
. . . other sounds beep-- probably some appliances. . . . They disturb me perhaps because I do not know what they are. I do not need more alerts or more things in my life to make me jump, ESPECIALLY on what is a no sleep day.


I re-started the laundry as I did not know which cycle it was when the electricity took a break.


. . . not feeling good.

Mari

Hi
 

I hope the day gets better Mari.

We have all kinds of dinging and pinging and buzzing when the electricity goes off too. The phone/fax machine alone makes a bunch of these noises. They startle me even though I know what they are. :o

Sending hugs. :hug::hug::hug:

waves

sorry for the lack of sleep and the power going off.
not fun!
bizi