Aww Bizi. (((Hugs))) I know how difficult it is,and remember the stages that I went through before I was able to stop. Gentle Hugs. BF

Take care, Bizi,

M

I keep wondering what I am doing with my life. Maybe I am depressed?
I can't seem to get motivated to do much of anything. I am getting my hair colored today. I did make coffee this morning.
I am relying on jeff more and more these days to do the cooking.
neither one of us clean so the house is a mess.
I sit here in my jammies....
I should be more active...
I should read the newspaper and watch the news...
I should know my local politicians and current events...
I should be more grateful for my life...
I should go to the gym...
I should clean my house...
I should clean up my yard...
I should take a shower...
I should cook at home more often instead of eating out all of the time...
I should get a hobby...
I should be more intimate with jeff....
I should do my paperwork....
I should do the check book....
I should be following my diet...have gained weight again...
I should be happy with my life...

All I want to do is sit here on the computer.
It takes the least amount of effort and yet it is pleasurable.
It could be worse...
I could still be in bed...
I could be crying...
I could be sick and unable to work...
I could not have any friends...
my family could disown me...
I could be living on the streets..
I could have lousy health insurance and not afford therapy...
I could be drinking again and waking up with a hang over....

It is only day 5 of being alcohol free this time....

I need to get a life...

Pick one thing for a week. And then pick another to add.

Except start right away on the gym. If not at the gym do
some exercises at home.

donna

Bizi,

Yes. We are bipolar and we constantly check in with out moods.
. . . so you could be depressed.

Do you have anxiety?


The "shoulds" you list could be related to depression, but they could be other things.

You can take this one off your list:
No one has to pay attention to that crap/

This one is easy to drop:
Forget about it.
Those of us with bipolar cannot be held to the same household standards as anyone else.
Hubby and I keep up with the kitchen as best we can.
He refuses to do any recycling but he does take out the trash for pick up twice a week.
We have a cleaning lady one day a month.

Right. Keep up with the checkbook and the paperwork so that you can keep the light bill paid and the mortgage paid -- those things are important.

I do not shower.
This is close to what I use (a handheld shower):
http://www.homedepot.com/p/Delta-In2...6?N=5yc1vZbre0
Some days I lean over the tub and do my hair.
Other days I step in the tub, hold the hand shower and do whatever parts I need that day. Then I am done until the next day (or two days later).

I am very sorry that you are having a hard time.

It is possible that you are kind of detoxing right now.
Be patient with yourself.

M

Thanks Mari

I enjoyed your list. I know that sounds crazy or weird.

But I have some of the same problems, but mine has to
do with movement. So I have been lucky to have a son.

That will help me:
Load the washer, dryer, dishwasher.
And when I really want the floor moped he will do that.

He keeps the upstairs taken care of with the cat and some cleaning

I have a dirty living area. But its as clean as its going to be.


Donna

bizi, I'm sorry it's so difficult.

Don't forget to keep taking your vitamins and if you're not taking any, please start again!

Instead of "I should" or "I could", don't forget about "I am" and "I will be" or even "I want to be".

I know our lives are all very complicated and different, but I have to say that physical activity of whatever kind makes my mind feel great and invigorates me. It no longer makes my body feel great but that's the trade-off that comes with age I guess.

I would rather feel good in the mind and deal with my aches and pains afterwards.

I also think that time of day has a lot to do with how we go about changing old habits or routines. Changing routine can really be very difficult on mood. Instead of thinking about the papers and the housework and such for now, just think about getting stronger and looking after yourself. Prioritize. Even if it's on a day to day basis.

Thinking of you.

oh yes... Vitamins!

I did end up having a good/bad cry.....hate feeling this way. Have not cried in a long time.
I made it to the gym, walked 33 minutes at 5 % incline.
It is a start.
Like my new hair, dark brown, jeff likes it too.
Threw some catfish in the oven and going to steam some sugar snap peas for dinner.
Snacked on some almonds.
6 pm....
going to watch some reruns of our favorite show "Lost"
will probably have some pop corn with the show.
thank you for your support, it means alot to me.
You guys are great.
bizi

It actually sounds as if you had a fine day, bizi.
May there be many more.


"The soul would have no rainbow
Had the eyes no tears."
J V Cheney

jeff thinks my biorhythms are off.
Don't know anything about that.
think I will google that
bizi