I can say with certainty, that your fears are going to drive how you react.
But I too feel you are in no danger. Not saying it exactly right.

I have been on the side of trying to get my adult sons help. And its not
easy to even get them seen if they don't agree.

So I am having a hard time understanding the cops. In my area, for
some reason its hard to get a cop to come to help. And with our
juveniles, when a parent can still supposedly get them help.

I have many cases in the past that the cops wouldn't help transport
the child for us.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi Mari. I believe that you have some type of phobia,and that this is a irrational thought that you don't have to worry about. I don't think that you would loose your mind,but that you may have a period of being more upset then usual. You will be fine.

I went through a period of time where I thought that I would have a panic attack,and that the people behind me would see my head start to shake. I didn't want to go anywhere unless I could sit in the back row where people could not see me shake. It was some sort of fear of being shamed,or something. It started at that Military School when I had a panic attack when we were all sitting at attention. It was some sort of phobia,and this phobia was on my mind allot.

I had a fear of loosing control in some way around people,and that they would not understand what was happening to me. I'd loose my voice sometimes,and have a small panic attack,and then it would go away. I would think about it as a very embarrassing situation,but I didn't loose control,but I'd be obsessed about what they though of me. This was a huge distortion,and obsession in my mind.

Got to go. Lightening just struck near by. BF:hug::hug::hug:

The lightning has left the area. A group of thunderstorms went over.

I had feelings like I was going to loose control years ago. I felt like I was about to explode,but I don't feel that anymore. I'd felt emotion surge through me,but I didn't feel violent. I just felt like I could explode,or loose control,or freak out. I felt these feelings like electricity would jolt through me. All of those things are unpleasant. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am glad the weather has calmed down for you, Steve.

I've had similar states to those. I don't guess I have as much baseline anxiety. I think that makes it worse.

I've felt like I couldn't hold it together before, but was not worrying about consequences like pollice or hospitals. Was just trying to get from moment A to moment B. I had a level of agitation and reactivity and my sense of reality was maybe a little off... mostly felt everything very intensely.

Fortunately these states are just "states" for me. At most there will be bad times of weeks or months, where these states occur repeatedly, or last longer. But it isn't a constant, chronic thing I deal with.

I must say, Zyprexa helped tremendously with those states, but it was not sustainable in the long term.

I can't really imagine having that somehow tied up in a fear about what would happen if I did break down. I mean, I can only imagine that it is a hundred times worse. I think at most I've worried about getting fired over outbursts at work. I ususally felt bad enough at those times that I didn't much care about getting fired. Mostly just cared about holding it together for the sake of it. I think it's a whole other level if one feels threatened (hospital and jail are big threats to feel).

waves

Mari I'm sitting here thinking about what to say. I'm so sorry that you feel this amount of fear.

If there is a situation where a policeman is in a bad mood,and you are not feeling well,and your paths cross at a bad time,or situation,things would probably work out ok.

I have scanners,and have monitored police over decades,and they have many rules to follow. You have many rights. They have to have a probable cause to check you out for anything.

(Constitution 4th Amendment) The right of the people to be secure in their persons,houses,papers,and effects,against unreasonable searches,and seizures,shall not be violated,and no Warrents shall issue,but upon probable cause,supported by Oath or affirmation,and particularly describing the place to be searched,and the persons or things to be seized. That's just one amendment.

I don't think that it's a crime to be freaked out by the police. A magistrate,or judge would probably look though the records,and clearly see that a person has anxiety problems. This probably happens around America all of the time. Anxiety is not a crime around the police,or anyone else.

I'm uncomfortable around the police,but I've helped them in the past to catch some bad guys. That's who they are after,and those bad guys are bad to the bone.

The police are out there maintaining the peace of the public. They are cruising in cars to keep order,and bring in the(((bad guys))).

The people that are coming into schools with M-16s,and AK-47s are the dangerous mental cases(10-96s)that they are concerned about. They are dangerous to society.

I have come across a few truly crazy people,and you are not one of them.

I have had two people pull guns on me. One of them were dangerous,and drunk,and was not from America. The other one was clearly in the wrong. A friends brother pulled a knife on me,and he was psychotic. I didn't call the police on them. I've crossed the paths of some dangerous people. One was from prison,and a bounch of us tried to help him,but he was to far gone.

I hope that I said something that comforts you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

I am not explaining myself well.

Those of you who have been in jail or had a family member in jail or been in a mental hospital or visited someone in a mental hospital or had a family member call you from a mental hospital have somewhat of an idea of what I am talking about.
How about having two brothers who worked in mental hospitals or therapy camps for MI teenagers?
Or how about getting a call from a social worker about a cousin in a hospital who was trying to place the cousin for after care? That particular cousin had been locked up in a hospital for one year with bipolar.


Apparently I am also not explaining the degree of my anxiety and how with that high level of anxiety I have to go to work and deal with people.
I have to perform on the job while at the same time not calling attention to myself. This is impossible.

Maybe only I have had a colleague hauled away to the hospital after being manic. She was fired / quit / got sicker shortly after.
Eight years later her sister called me to tell me that the colleague was found dead.

Maybe no one except me has heard a shootout, fallen to the floor to dodge bullets, and listened to the cop outside tell the apparently bleeding victim that he would call the ambulance after the guy gave up the name of his partner in the attempted robbery.

I might be the only one who after falling asleep while driving in heavy traffic on a hot day with no a/c in the car got into an an emergency lane to get off at the next exit and got stopped by a cop.
That cop threatened to take me to jail right on the spot unless I got back on the road and and into my lane.
When I tried to explain, things got much worse.

Perhaps I am the only one here who had someone hit her car on the way to work and rushed to get away
even though witnesses told me afterwards that it was not my fault.
I had no drivers license or insurance card with because the mental hospital had not returned it to me when I was collecting my stuff to leave after my stay. (I called the chief of psychiatry to get my stuff back.)
I drove that car for another five years with a completely dented and smashed u before I could get cash to have it fixed or get credit to buy a new car.


I accept that most people do not have experience with these things.
It feels like part of my life even though at this time I am not locked up.

I apologize.

Bizi,
Lots of hugs.

I was also put in five point restraints, given an injection, and watched while in a "quiet room" for some time.
It worked to make me compliant for the rest of my stay.

M

Mary I'm sorry. You have been through allot of dangerous,and unfair things. I'm so sorry. BF:confused::Sigh::hug::hug::hug:

mari,

I have been in jail once and in psych wards too many times lol. I have had the four point restraints and the quiet room I have done the hit and run thing too many times when I was younger. I had a friend who after asking me for Xanax and me telling him no, killed himself with Xanax the next week. I felt guilty for years for not calling his mother and letting her know he was in danger. I was dragged by police to jail for dwi even though I had drunk one beer and in the end they had to let me go after taking breathalyzer at precinct. I have looked around at work and wondered if they knew how anxious I felt. it is hard. but brokenfriend is right. the police for the most part are on our side. and being anxious or depressed or bipolar is not a crime. it is hard, but I try my best to put all of those things that happened behind me or they would drive me crazy. we both need to focus on the present and the good things in our lives like our friends on this board.
mark

Hi, Steve, :hug: :hug: :hug:

We all have.

Mari

Hi, Mark,

Thanks

Keep doing what your are doing now to keep yourself together.

M